So last week, I'm trying to find a classmate via twitter to invite him out w me and my husband, and decided to see what my husband had been up to. He had several disturbing messages. One set was with another woman that I found out he met through a forum based website he is pretty much always on. Another set is with some wanna be porn star. I found out after the fact that he had gone on some porn sight and watched her porn so much, he won a competition.... (so many things wrong with this sentence) and since he won he got to have convos w her on twitter.. which consisted of him saying how a day wasn't complete without watching one one of videos etc etc...
He wants to go to counselling now, I found out that the reason he married me in the first place was so that I wouldn't leave him like his X before me did. He confesses that he wasn't ready for marriage and still isn't sure if he is ready, but he wants to try. He's not from where we live now, so I moved into my parents house again to get some distance since we can't afford a second apartment. I mostly feel huge amounts of resentment towards him and lots of pain. I'm not sure how I'm going to cope with this; I feel like I may never be able to trust him around any piece of technology ever again!
Should I bail before we end up getting pregnant and bring children into this hot mess? I don't know what the right answer is and I'm not sure who to ask. I'm sleeping on a futon in my parents spare room while he sleeps in our bed in our home after cheating on me.... its very unfair, and I feel betrayed and unsure of my next step...
I believe "he" needs individual counseling to find out why he thought this behavior was appropriate. MC in my opinion is just a waste of time and money until he has worked on his personal issues.
Read up on the healing Library in the upper left hand corner of the page. There is a lot of good stuff posted over the years by people who have been in your shoes.
No one would fault you for leaving the marriage at this point if that is what you want to do.
I am all for R (reconciliation). I've gone through and am going through, some pretty emotionally devestating things to try to save my marriage. After 21 years, and with a spouse that is very much in love with me (and vice versa) and who is working like hell to get to the bottom of his disfunctions, I feel that it's something that I need to do.
But if my spouse ever, ever, told me that
the reason he married me in the first place was so that I wouldn't leave him like his X before me did. He confesses that he wasn't ready for marriage and still isn't sure if he is ready,
Please keep coming back for support. We're all here for you. Taking time apart to figure out what YOU want to do, is very smart of you. You are the only person who should matter at this time. (((hugs)))
D-Day, June 10, 2012
I can only say that having a child "now" would not be wise. You have time to see what happens with the marriage.
Trust me when I say this, there will be no children for years to come. I had been try hard lately, as I have infertility issues, and now I'm putting that to a grinding halt.