Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: gia1008 (44614)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Finally told him "I love you" again
scangel3
♀ Member
Member # 36164
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't loved him for a long time, but stopped saying it september '12, I finally felt I could say it again a couple weeks ago. Things have been going well, little marriage hicups over the past 6 months but nothing A related. It's been nice not thinking about the A every single day! And to finally feel like this can work forever again (although I say forever lightly, because after going through this I know anything can change that forever in an instant!)

I haven't been on here in a while, haven't needed to. Until today, We are still doing good, just me thinking again I love to read but reading anything romantic or even with hot passionate sex makes me think about what I don't have, what I'm missing. I started reading again over the past week (haven't in a couple months) and I'm right back questioning what I want and need and comparing to what I have/get. I know the books are fantasy and over the top but they still get me thinking.

Then there's the "I love you" factor, yes I finally feel like I can say it, BUT (and I know I'm going to get some words to this, and need them!) wh still doesn't say it back nor does he feel it yet. And no I was never a ww! I go back and forth with if this is enough for me? Can I live a life (even happily) with someone that doesn't truly love me like a wife? Right now is enough that he's here and supporting me and our kids, and we do have fun and have happy times (a lot more then 6 months ago). But what is wrong with me? What did I ever do to deserve this, and to think it's ok and acceptable to live a loveless and passionless life with a man that loved another women and still doesn't love me? I know he is not currently in an A, nor does he talk or even see her, or anyone else in that respect, so why not love me, I didn't have the A he did?

Sorry this turned into me rambling, but it just started coming out. I just want to be married, loved, cherished, and have passion in my life and my wh isn't providing it!!!

[This message edited by scangel3 at 3:53 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]


BS-me 31, WH-31, M'd-10 years
DD 8.5, DS 6, DS 5.5
Dday 03/01/10 (our DD's bday)
A ended 08/31/10-09/02-10 (with multiple ddays in between).TT on 08/2012, 09/04/12, 11/16/2012, 01/2013, 6/25/2013 Says he wants R, but not proving it

Posts: 714 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Portland
MrsDoubtfire
♀ Member
Member # 24786
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You started this post saying you finally feel like you can love him forever again.... Then end it saying you don't think he loves you and how passionless you feel he is towards you/ the M.

You deserve to be treated with passion and love and respect. Are you saying you aren't getting these?

Have you guys had MC/IC?

I hope he can show you love and say he loves you soon as this post made me feel so much for you.


BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now become†

Posts: 1571 | Registered: Jul 2009
scangel3
♀ Member
Member # 36164
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah I posted that right, I do love him as of now and that's the reason I'm still here, that and my kids. But no he does not love me or show me those things.

That's why I said what I did at the end, I started this post one way and then it turned around on me, which happens a lot with my posts on here.

I can see where this is f'd up but didn't really think about it until I wrote it here.


BS-me 31, WH-31, M'd-10 years
DD 8.5, DS 6, DS 5.5
Dday 03/01/10 (our DD's bday)
A ended 08/31/10-09/02-10 (with multiple ddays in between).TT on 08/2012, 09/04/12, 11/16/2012, 01/2013, 6/25/2013 Says he wants R, but not proving it

Posts: 714 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Portland
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

scangel3 - Tell him he's a lucky man. My wife hasn't said those words to me in over a year and boy do I miss it.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1304 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I am glad that you are able to feel love in your heart - it took me a long time. I just wish your H was more worthy of it. I would fall apart if Crazz didn't say it back.

Can I live a life (even happily) with someone that doesn't truly love me like a wife?

I get trying to make things work for the kids for now, but this makes me sad.

[This message edited by Jrazz at 4:57 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]


If you can't learn to enjoy your life when you have problems, you may never enjoy it because we'll always have problems. - Joyce Meyer

Posts: 16860 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
scangel3
♀ Member
Member # 36164
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh it does drive me crazy, which is why I don't day it often. I want him to know I feel that way, but I don't want to say it all the time for a couple reasons, one it hurts that he doesn't say it back and two I don't want him to just say it back to say it, that would be another lie and I can't handle another lie from him. I told him not to say it unless he was 100% sure because I don't ever want to be lied to again.

I will just continue on my path to self healing enjoying my family and do what makes me happy. If he catches up hopefully I will still be here loving him, if he doesnt I will be ok, I will have a career (I'm in school now) and I will be happy with or without him. And maybe that's why I'm ok to stay... for now. I do know (and so does he) I won't live like this forever


BS-me 31, WH-31, M'd-10 years
DD 8.5, DS 6, DS 5.5
Dday 03/01/10 (our DD's bday)
A ended 08/31/10-09/02-10 (with multiple ddays in between).TT on 08/2012, 09/04/12, 11/16/2012, 01/2013, 6/25/2013 Says he wants R, but not proving it

Posts: 714 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Portland
soconfusednow
♀ Member
Member # 40078
Default  Posted: 11:19 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love to read but reading anything romantic or even with hot passionate sex makes me think about what I don't have, what I'm missing. I started reading again over the past week (haven't in a couple months) and I'm right back questioning what I want and need and comparing to what I have/get. I know the books are fantasy and over the top but they still get me thinking.

I've been told romantic novels are as bad for a Marriage as porn, since both lead to unrealistic expectations.


D-Day January 2013
prior EA in the 90's
me 50
WH 52
NC-several
last broken NC 7/2013 (hopefully)
Married 29 years
2 kids
Want to believe it's over, but is it really? Will I ever trust again?

Posts: 317 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 11:47 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry this turned into me rambling, but it just started coming out. I just want to be married, loved, cherished, and have passion in my life and my wh isn't providing it!!!

I initially was going to ask you what you intend to do about it...

and then I see you posted this

I will just continue on my path to self healing enjoying my family and do what makes me happy. If he catches up hopefully I will still be here loving him, if he doesnt I will be ok, I will have a career (I'm in school now) and I will be happy with or without him. And maybe that's why I'm ok to stay... for now. I do know (and so does he) I won't live like this forever

So are you biding your time to get through school?

It looks as though you have answered your own question really.

IMO, I wouldn't hang around with someone not willing to love me, especially after I had given him the chance to R from a devastating betrayal.

Do you have a time frame in mind where you intend to S if he doesn't come through?

I hope you are able to find your way and get to a place where you are able to find someone worthy of you and your love, you deserve so much more!


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3792 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
scangel3
♀ Member
Member # 36164
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do not have a timeline as to when I would leave if he never felt he loved me again. As of right now, I don't feel I can be without my kids every single day. They are still young, and have dealt with enough loss in their little lives. We finally have our daughter back in our care permanently, it would just ruin our kids to separate now. And right now things aren't bad between us, we are doing better then we have in the past 5 years, so it is not affecting our kids at this time. I know he needs IC as well as me and we need MC, but as of right now that is not financially possible. He has a lot of crap to work out, including why he stopped loving me when I had ppd.

So for right now I am just doing what makes me happy, and hoping some day (soon) he will realize what he has and what he may lose and losing me and his kids isn't something he could handle and he wakes the fuck up. If not, like I said through all of this shit storm I have become a stronger women I know I could do it on my own if I had to, I don't want to, but I could. And in 2-3 years I will have a great career starting and be able to support me and my kids if that is what I need to do (and I may add I will be able to support them on my own better then he is doing now (financially speaking) ) So shall he decide that he just can never love me again like a husband should a wife then I will be just fine, and so will my kids eventually, but not if we split now.

Thank you to everyone for your thoughts and words, I truly listen to everyone of them and take them in.


BS-me 31, WH-31, M'd-10 years
DD 8.5, DS 6, DS 5.5
Dday 03/01/10 (our DD's bday)
A ended 08/31/10-09/02-10 (with multiple ddays in between).TT on 08/2012, 09/04/12, 11/16/2012, 01/2013, 6/25/2013 Says he wants R, but not proving it

Posts: 714 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Portland
Topic Posts: 9

Return to Forum: Reconciliation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.