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User Topic: hello tears, havent seen you for awhile
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought I had this under control. Calm and cool, flat lined for months. I'm detaching, I would say I've detached but now, I guess its still a process I'm going through. I've been thinking of my future without him, taking care of some things that need to be handled before we split. I've been distancing myself from him at home and try to stay busy.
I couldnt sleep so I was up at early thirty this morning. I put in an old 80's movie favorite of mine. A romantic comedy. All of a sudden, waterworks, uncontrollable sobbing. A scene in the movie where the couple realizes they are in love, the look in their eyes.... Im trying to figure it out. I think I miss a connection with someone, a look of adoration, someone who thinks km special?? I don't know. I just feel so lonely right now, so sad. Has anyone else experienced this? And what did you do about it. I don't want him, I really don't, but I miss how he used to be. Realistically I know that person is gone. Now I feel rage, why in the fuck did he do this? I guess I'm just all over the place right now. Just caught me offguard. I haven't cried in so long.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5141 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Realistically I know that person is gone."
Realistically that person probably never was. The person we perceive our WS to be obviously are not the person they really are - and therein lie the problem. We want what we thought we had...after all, we didn't really have it, did we?
Yes, I have felt like that too and I am in R and it is going pretty well....but, WTF happened to my marriage, WTF happened to my husband? Who is this person I now live with? Where is the person I married - oh wait, he never really existed except in my delusional mind.

[This message edited by devasted30 at 9:49 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]


And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!

Posts: 1325 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. It sucks. And it is normal. sometimes the waterworks will start for no damn reason at all.

Find that connection with yourself first. Find that you find yourself to be one awesome chick. You will exude self confidence, and be happy. Men will fall at your feet, and it will be your choice to connect with them or not.

He did it because he is a sad broken person who will not fix himself. You can't do it for him. What you can do, is make yourself strong, and independent, and happy.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8718 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
brokensmile322
♀ Member
Member # 35758
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Ostrich))

I am so sorry you are hurting. And I believe you are detaching, but you have yourself in limbo...submerged in the hurt and this dysfunction.

You have stated you aren't R'ing.

Honey, you are holding yourself back from that connection, that bond with someone else, that love you could feel again. You can have your 80's movie romance...but you cannot have it staying where you are staying.

Gently,
get out of your own way... There never is a good time. Jump down to D/S board...there never is a perfect time. The process sucks there as much as it sucks in R. Everyone of us is dealing with infidelity and I don't believe it is easy any which way. I do believe, though, that the hardest place to be would be in limbo....that you are not in R and working through that shit storm trying to salvage something together and you are not divorcing and dealing with those issues on your way to a new beginning.

Do you see what I am trying in the nicest way possible to say to you? You are living in this mess but aren't acting to make a better life for yourself, whether that be a NB or R.

Ostrich, I have read so many of your posts, have read your wisdom and your insight. You are a good person and you deserve to be loved. You deserve to have that new life. Get on with it. It is out there waiting for you.

Hugs!!


Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."


Posts: 1547 | Registered: Jun 2012
SurelyNOT
♀ Member
Member # 40617
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I could have written this myself. I am 11 weeks past d-day, and although there have been some good moments since, they are few and far between. I actually thought I had a handle on things and this past weekend I just seemed to crumble under the weight of tears that flowed. What is wrong with me?

I think I too miss the connection I had with my wh, I grieve for the person he was, NOT who he has become. I sway between wanting him and absolutely hating him. I have my knees worn out from praying, and now I don't even know what I'm praying for. It all seems so hopeless, why did this have to happen to my two children and me.

I dread Christmas and I so want to make it special for my children, they don't deserve what their father has inflicted upon us. Why is it that he gets to rebuild and have his "fresh start" (his words) and we are left in a million little pieces because of his lies, betrayal and deceit.

I realise this is an ongoing, uphill battle, but I am weary and I can't see the road ahead for the tears.


Posts: 95 | Registered: Sep 2013
Crushed1
♀ Member
Member # 6449
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((ostrich))))


~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH

Posts: 9756 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gently, get out of your own way.

I agree ^^^^

I am frozen. I cannot seem to make the break. When I try to say the words, its like I'm paralyzed. So I just keep finding one more thing to take care of or finish..excuses..stalling..I know all too well...all of this preparation I'm doing, could go undone, I know but I guess its what I tell myself so I don't have to face the fact that I'm a coward, scared shitless to make a move, so I don't. Most days I can deal, today not so much. I want to hate him so it would be easier but I don't. I know life is passing me by and I'm wasting it. Thanks for the encouraging words.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5141 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
brokensmile322
♀ Member
Member # 35758
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Ostrich)))

Honey....I wish I could give you a big hug.

You can be happy again. You can. It will not be with him.

I beg you to go down to NB and to start talking with people down there. Those who have come out on the other side can give you so much support and encouragement. You may start to see that it is safe and ok to make the step.

I am sorry you are hurting today. You are actually hurting everyday it is just that today the hurt broke through the walls you have built up around yourself.

Please. You can do it Ostrich. You can. Start today.


Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."


Posts: 1547 | Registered: Jun 2012
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went to NB but the top says, " if your no longer consumed by the pain of infidelity" I'm not sure if that's me because I am. I don't know where I belong.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5141 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
brokensmile322
♀ Member
Member # 35758
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, Ostrich. All the forums have guidelines, but we can post anywhere, I think. If not start out in D/S as there are people there who still check in when they are already D'd.

You go down there and make a post... Looking for insight, looking for encouragement, what ever it may be.

Then type your story and put how you have yourself in limbo. Ask them what made them take the next step. Tell them you have been finding excuses..tell them. They will be able to help you. At the very least that will be making a tiny next step. A positive first step.

Big hugs!!


Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."


Posts: 1547 | Registered: Jun 2012
Topic Posts: 10

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