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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Do I bring up the Affair?
Mrs Panda
♀ Member
Member # 27303
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to add an analogy....

Your marriage is a gunshot wound bleeding to death in the ER. How awful would it be to have doctors and nurses asking questions about medical history, surgeries, family history, smoking, etc etc. meanwhile, patient (the marriage) is bleeding out. Because nobody looked under the covers. Nobody started an iv. Nobody got blood.

Do something. You may need to be the one to lift the sheet.

I gave you the same advice months ago though , and sounds like not much has changed .

Me-41 FWW Him-45BH
M 13years. Reconciled.
DDay#1 Nov 2008 (OM2)
DDay#2 Aug 2009 (Confessed to OM 2001)
"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand." -Kurt Vonnegut

Posts: 1992 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: The SouthEast
♀ Member
Member # 38815
Default  Posted: 4:39 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't bring up MY A but I did bring up his mum's affair.

Cowardly I know, but it was a way for me to bring up the topic. Unfortunately it was towards the end of the session, but at least the topic is in the room now and she said she wants to bring it up next time we meet, i.e. how his mother's affair has affected him and if he ever wonders/worries that his wife will cheat. Yes.. even at that point he said nothing.

I can see at this rate, it really IS up to me to initiate my A. It really is a massive wedge between us and you're all right.. there's a massive elephant in the room and we are skirting around it. We spent the majority of last nights session talking about the details of his brother's messy divorce.

I am really scared of how he will react and that he may leave me, but, if we don't talk about this in MC, in a safe environment, the bigger fear is we will always live like housemates and never be truly close and intimate like a married couple.

Thank-you everyone for your input.

Posts: 362 | Registered: Mar 2013
♀ Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Like the majority of people have said, I think you need to bring up the A in MC. I have read all of your posts and think your BH is rug sweeping.

I think the only way to truly address the issues in your M is to face the A head on and deal w it no matter how messy it will get....I hope your bh doesn't leave you, but it seems to me you are both stuck in limbo and its time to get out of it

"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 909 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 23
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