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User Topic: Update - it's been a while
hurtyetstrong
♀ Member
Member # 38372
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't been on SI in quite some time. Not that I haven't wanted to - WH now has our mac computer linked through icloud to my and my daughter's ipads. Anyone who has the cloud knows that it shows internet history of all devices, so I've just been avoiding SI to prevent him finding it.

It's been 4 months or so since the initial confrontation. If you look back on my most recent posts it will give you a glance where I was at the beginning of the summer.

WH and I are still together. We briefly tried MC, but didn't like our counselor and he is not open to trying another one. He has definitely improved in some areas. But I still don't trust him. At the end of the day I think he has some sociopathic traits and may also be NPD. I am torn because I have seen changes in him, yet I still am not *happy*.

Part of me feels like we will never have a *good* marriage - at best we will be content. But considering my kids are young and I am as well I wonder if I would be better off leaving now rather than dealing with a divorce 15-20 years down the line.

And I find myself daydreaming of my future - I can see my girls as they grow up, yet I never see us as a family together. Just me and my daughters. So I wonder if my subconscious is telling me something my conscious mind refuses to hear?

Basically the hurt and anger I initially felt when I logged on to this site has subsided, however I am still confused on whether or not I still want this marriage...


Me: BW (30)
Him: WH (31)
2 DDs - 4yrs & 18mo (as of May 2014)

multiple PAs

Filed for divorce May 16, 2014


Posts: 156 | Registered: Feb 2013
Josephine01
♀ Member
Member # 38511
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can only speak about my own feelings as I don't know your experiences over the years. But when my kids were young say around seven and eleven. My h showed sighs of npd and I wanted to leave him more than anything. But, I stayed for the kids. . . you know what? I don't think that I made the right choice because I am considering the same thing again now because of his betrayals and his selfish tendencies.

Just thought I'd share, but if you are not happy now it won't get easier when the kids get older that what I've learned.


Me, 42 BS
H, 61 WH
2 boys 19 and 15 years old
Married 24 years

Posts: 314 | Registered: Feb 2013
emotionalgirl
♀ Member
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can understand where you are coming from. I am much stronger than I was, WH is trying but like you no MC. When I look back at our M with open eyes I can see how he has never been a really good husband. Always put himself first and his needs always before mine. No real respect for me or my wishes. I always used to say if all was ok in his little box that surrounded him then he thought our life was perfect.

I have been married 25 years...that's a lifetime for me and I know that we can be content together now that the worst has passed. I ask myself sometimes, is just content what I want out of life and marriage? Do I want to stay in this marriage? Then I wonder if maybe I just think the grass is greener on the otherside?

I hate this roller coaster of emotion...today I just feel melancholy. I hope that you have better luck coming to a decision than I have.


1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 373 | Registered: Aug 2013
hurtyetstrong
♀ Member
Member # 38372
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been married 25 years...that's a lifetime for me and I know that we can be content together now that the worst has passed.

I guess I'm not optimistic that 'the worst has passed'. Probably due to the fact that he has lied about some of his behavior and to this day I still feel like he's hiding stuff from me.

Ten years from now will I still have such distrust towards the father of my children? That's a pill I don't think I can swallow...


Me: BW (30)
Him: WH (31)
2 DDs - 4yrs & 18mo (as of May 2014)

multiple PAs

Filed for divorce May 16, 2014


Posts: 156 | Registered: Feb 2013
selkiescot
♀ Member
Member # 23777
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome back Hurt. Think about being 60 and facing this again. That might color your outlook a bit differently.


The truth shall set you free or reveal the name of the OW!
ME 57
WH 64
DDAYs TOO MANY
daughter 27
You give me gifts! I don't want your gifts I want the truth. That's the greatest gift.

Posts: 1382 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: CT
Topic Posts: 5

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