Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: BWayne77 (45340)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Am I being naive?
Mypoorkids
♀ New Member
Member # 40946
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I allowed him to move back in and stay in the basement. One son is still so angry, he wont talk to him or call him Dad. He says he is sorry and says he just wants his family back. He acts like everything is back to normal. We went to counseling and he said he was angry that the counselor was pushing me to make a commitment to reconcile.
I am a stay at home mom. I just don't know what to do. The weird thing is that I don't feel mad anymore. What is wrong with me? Deep down, I just want everything to back to the way it was-minus the affair...


Me: BS
Him: WS has been in 3+ year A
Married 23 years
D Day: 10/10/13
Teenage kids

Posts: 22 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Brrrrrr
SerJR
♂ Member
Member # 14993
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He may be genuinely sorry, or he may be "hedging his bets". Only time and consistency of action will tell. Trying to act like everything is normal though is rugsweeping - there are some serious issues and they need to be dealt with if you are to both reconcile. Things will never be the same as they were... but that doesn't mean they can't be better. There is nothing wrong with you - give yourself the time to understand what it is that you want and what you don't want in your life.

You mentioned previously that the OW dumped him I think. You are not the consolation prize. If he wants to be in your marriage then he must be an equal partner in it.

(((Mypoorkids)))

[This message edited by SerJR at 9:32 AM, October 19th (Saturday)]


Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

Posts: 17100 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Further North than South
Drowninginitall
♀ Member
Member # 40968
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs to you. I'm sorry. Your feelings of just wanting your normal back resonate with me. SerJR has a way with words...words of truth. You deserve to be treated an an equal partner in all of this. Things won't ever be the same, but they can be better for you. Hugs again.

Posts: 107 | Registered: Oct 2013
doesitgetbetter
♀ Member
Member # 18429
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You don't feel angry anymore because you are in the shock stage. Shock can last for a while, mine lasted for a few months. It was a good time for me to regroup, take care of myself, and prepare for the turmoil that would be my life for the next few years. My real anger set in at 9 months, and didn't leave until about the 14 month mark.


DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - FWS
Us - Committed
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10

Posts: 3859 | Registered: Feb 2008
emotionalgirl
♀ Member
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went through that stage of not being angry and wanting to just forget it all and go back to the way it was...just remember the way it was was when he had the A! A few weeks later I was angry again then just sad then didn't feel anything for a couple of days. Then the epiphany hit! Awwww this is the roller coster all the veteran SI members talk about!!!

By the way I detest roller costers!


1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 373 | Registered: Aug 2013
Mypoorkids
♀ New Member
Member # 40946
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the comments and support. emotionalgirl thanks for making me laugh. I want to make good decisions but have no clue what those would be. Does anyone have a crystal ball that would allow me to see into the future? I could use a little magic right about now.


Me: BS
Him: WS has been in 3+ year A
Married 23 years
D Day: 10/10/13
Teenage kids

Posts: 22 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Brrrrrr
bh14801
♀ New Member
Member # 41041
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When you find that crystal ball I need to borrow it for awhile! I just found out on 9-20-13 we have stayed together the whole time has been crazy emotions. I know exactly how you feel but I also know in my heart things will never feel the same again, I think we just want to forget for awhile and have things be normal again. It seems like the burden has shifted to us and we didn't even cause all the pain! That is just so unfair!! I want to make sure things are not brushed under the carpet so this is going to be a challenge, because if things appear to be the very same that is exactly what is happening. Good luck to you my heart goes out to you and your family.
BS (me) 51
H 63
Together 25 years
3 boys and grandchildren
Married 10 years


**One day at a time**
D-Day 9-20-2013
BS - 51
H - 63
Together 25 years
Married 10 years

Posts: 18 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 7

Return to Forum: Just Found Out Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.