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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I'm good, just hurts to breathe...
cluless
♀ Member
Member # 40538
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow I guess I'm 7 weeks into hell, I don't know if I'm ever going to shake this roller coaster. I even went to Disneyland, those roller coasters I like, but not the one I'm on. It's like I'll be sitting there and a thought will come into my head and before 2 minutes have passed I have tears in my eyes and I just feel like d-day all over again.

No matter how much I write, go to MC, read, talk, face my anger, NOTHING is helping. All I can think about is revenge. Getting the OW and hurting her by destroying her marriage and getting her fired from her job. Why then aren't I destroying my WH? There are days I can't even look at him, and other times I can't stay away from him.

Now this numb feeling has come over me. I can still go into a rage, but I've almost gotten to the point where I'd rather ditch my marriage then continue to be in this much pain. Yet, something stops me, I don't know what it is. How can anyone forgive this? There is NO going back, the pain this man has caused me is beyond forgiveness, yet if I don't forgive him I'm only hurting myself.

Apparently there is no speeding up the process either. Why? I've had enough pain in my life, why would the man that is supposed to love me, do this to me? Sometimes I just HATE him for this and my heart is tired of breaking


WH 57
BS 55 -- Me!
LTA EA/PA 1-1/2 years.
D-Day 8-12, 2nd D-Day 9-13, 3rd D-Day 10-13 (stopped counting tt still coming in)
Married 17 yrs, together 20.
MC & IC has been a JOKE.

Status: In careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels and starti


Posts: 163 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oceanside
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. So many d-days for you? How awful. I can totally relate to how you feel. On one hand it's a comfort to know that time will help, but on the other, it's the worst news in the world. Time flies when you are having fun, not so much when you are in hell.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
ontheslope
♂ Member
Member # 40574
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NOTHING is helping

Time is helping - even if it doesn't seem that way.

yet if I don't forgive him I'm only hurting myself.

I know it may feel this way, but this isn't the truth, and deep down, way deep down, you know this.

You are stronger then this. Much stronger. You look at a future without your WH and you see nothing but a dark tunnel, but there is a light at the end, and if you walk it with your head held high you will make it. I'm not counseling you to leave, only that you shouldn't be held captive to the feeling that you couldn't leave even if you wanted to. Your choices are your own. Your choice to leave, or to stay, or to forgive or to not forgive. He does not control your choices, his A does not control your choices, only you can control your choices.

Be strong. You have that strength. Tell him that you are strong. Tell him what you need from him. You are not his hostage, your heart is not his to rip apart whenever he feels like it. Don't let co-dependency rule your actions. Be happy for who you are. Your relationship does not define you.

Let me say that again... Your relationship does not define you.

Be you. Make the choices you feel are the right ones, and make them with confidence.

Wishing you the best.


Me: BH, 36
Her: WW, 37
Two girls 8 & 10
Married 12 years
Dday: July, 2009

She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.


Posts: 269 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Maine, USA
iwillNOT
♀ Member
Member # 40605
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((clueless)))

You are not alone on this roller coaster...

I have been having horrible yet satisfying graphic fantasies about physically beating the cr@p out of OW. I have trained in martial arts and I am bigger than her, and as mad as I am, well...let's just say she is very lucky I would not risk my children's quality of life for her(unlike some a$$holes to whom I am married.). I reluctantly admit that these fantasies are also very disturbing to me, it's just not like me...

We are not ourselves right now, and it's not our fault, and it sucks.


Me: BS, 43
Him: WH, 44
Together 21 years
Married 14 years
Kiddos 2,6,8,10
Dday#1 2004, 3 years after EA/PA co-worker MOW
Dday#2 8-6-13, 13 months EA/9months PA with co-worker MOW - caught not confessed
Rugsweep now, pay later. Ask me how I know.

Posts: 469 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest
cluless
♀ Member
Member # 40538
Suspicious  Posted: 10:25 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now my WH went to see his IC and he is "trying" not to get angry, yet I"M NOT ALLOWED to VENT. It's not positive. If I'm not allowed to VENT, ESPECIALLY at him, then I will get it out in other ways. But one thing for sure, I won't stay in this marriage if he tries to keep me from expressing myself. I have NO control over these feelings and I'm 5 DAYS from the time I got the WHOLE truth.

Maybe I'm just wasting my time here. I guess I'll read co-dependent no more and just stay away from him. I was bringing him up trying to reconnect and we were, but then he gets "confused" because the next day I'm either angry or depressed. So I guess I should just ignore him? I don't know what to do. I'm about to get in my car and just keep driving... kids are old enough to take care of themselves...


WH 57
BS 55 -- Me!
LTA EA/PA 1-1/2 years.
D-Day 8-12, 2nd D-Day 9-13, 3rd D-Day 10-13 (stopped counting tt still coming in)
Married 17 yrs, together 20.
MC & IC has been a JOKE.

Status: In careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels and starti


Posts: 163 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oceanside
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 11:52 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unfortunately, the only way to get past it, is to go through it.

Sounds like you're very confused. Does WH realize that each D-Day puts you back to square one and you have to start the process all over again? It's way to soon to expect you to make any decisions or exercise 'self control.'

My best advice is to take some time to yourself. Don't just drive off, plan a weekend by yourself. Let your WS know that this is time for you. It isn't a punishment or a vacation. Let him watch the kids while you go to the spa, cry, scream, stare at the stars, whatever you need to do.

((hugs))


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1540 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Topic Posts: 6

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