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User Topic: Long Term Affairs - Part 33
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

{{{{Miracle}}}} I am so sorry you are going through all this.

First, take care of yourself. Deep breaths, some down time, relax as much as you are able.

Your sister's death is opening up old wounds from FOO. My IC has told me that even if we think we are healed, old scars can open up again and we feel old pain along with the new.

As for your daughter, I agree with you and Ats that it is your house, your rules. I do understand your frustration that she didn't listen to you and leave when you were trying to have that conversation. You have mentioned in the past that your DD is a great kid. I would suggest that you sit and have a talk with her. She knows of your plans, and from what you have said, she understands, she probably feels the stress and pressure too. I remember you posting once that people see things from thier own perspective, and that's what happens to the kids too.
It sucks that you have to deal with crap from your job too at this point. I'm so sorry!!

Ats: Thank you for your support. I think NPD hasn't left yet because of business. He told me that he want's to be separated, doesn't want to be married to me anymore, that he is leaving and won't be coming back to visit unless we ask him (we ask all the time in the past when he's coming, so I don't know what he's talking about)
So of course I'm getting the semi silent treatment (all the better because I don't have to listen to the ramblings and the constant blaming)

I am sleeping in DS 18's room and staying out of the room he is in, except when DS 15 is sitting there.........I decided to sit together because if I'm sitting in another room, DS 15 doesn't know where to go, he sometimes sits with me and sometimes with his father. I don't want to put him on the spot. So when he goes to bed, I go into another room. I think that leaving NPD alone is getting him mad. I think he expects me to be begging him to try for our M, etc. I am also implementing the 180 as it is described in the healing library: acting "normal", looking cheerful as I'm going through my day, talking cheerfully to DS, talking and answering NPD as if he is a stranger, polite and civil, but no real interaction. I think it's just getting him mad because I'm not kissing up to him.

I hate this weather! Having to be stuck in the house with NPD with a foot of snow is a pain!!


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 1:47 AM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I never realized how similar traits are to the impact of being an ACoA. Mix the two together and I honestly do not understand how a person makes it day to day.

[This message edited by atsenaotie at 7:14 AM, February 14th (Friday)]


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3968 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I finished, as much as I could, the book What I Love About You and gave it to FWW for VD. For those not familiar with the type of book, your fill in the blanks, short answers, or complete checklists about what you have enjoyed as a couple, about memories, etc. She seems to like the book, and is reading through it all.

One goal in this was to remind, or demonstrate, to myself that there were good times in our M together. Simple things like getting McDonalds Iced Teas and sharing a small Fry when out driving, holiday decorating we did in our first and second house when we made the newspapers, etc. I had to reflect back on our M, and I did recall things I had forgotten. I also found that there were parts I simply could not complete. Some of that was due to the time passed since we met, or just activities we do not participate in as a couple, or were the you have always been type of question, but some of it flagged the gap that existed between FWW and I for the entirety of the M. For example, it talked of favorite trips and vacations together. We have taken maybe two traditional vacations together, both were epic failures. After that, we never really did any travel or trips together. We travelled and did activities with the children and families, but usually separate. For instance the boys and I camped at least a dozen times, FWW never was with use. Questions geared towards intimacy of the couple; e.g.: special rituals, I love it when you ____, I love that every (morning, evening, weekend) we ____. These we do not have, there are few to none of the habits you may have expected a couple of 20+ years to have established.

What recent events and this gift have initiated and facilitated is discussion from FWW, a lot of discussion. Mostly about how much she regrets resenting and hating me through the M. She said that the book shows her I was not all sad in the M, and that I did not realize how angry or upset she was most of the time. She is glad for this, that her FOO issues, personality traits, etc., did not affect my life as negatively as they did hers. These are difficult discussions. We married older, and when you add 23 years of M we are both at or entering our senior years. There is no do over for happy family with kids activities. We have a lot of spilled milk, water over the dam, whatever. As badly as I can feel about these opportunities lost, FWW lost even more and feels worse, especially now that she does not have me to blame for her problems.

This is the thing that I looked hard at for D or R. What I really want to recover and have I cannot have, the past that was lost. Going forward, I like FWW as much as I have liked anyone else, and she is now engaged with at least being supportive and kind, if not ready for an emotionally intimate relationship yet. Really, the LTAs were only a part of the dysfunction that was out M. That is the blame I share. I stayed, I tried harder sometimes, I detached and followed my own path other times. I suspect we did some damage to the DS similar to a couple that stays together for the kids as opposed to D-ing. They, and her DDs, are at least now starting to see the united front, the cooperation and communication we should have been modeling all their lives.

Finally, there is another one of the difficult events coming up that I have anticipated since dday. FWWs younger DD is getting M. Surprisingly, FWWs sister is coming to the wedding, and so is her H. This is the BIL that FWW had at least an EA with sexting and sending photos, and I suspect a ONS or two of PA. While the other OM were well known in FWWs family, she introduced a DD to them and talked with her DDs, sister, and some friends about them, the BIL and one other early OM were much more embarrassing and her relationships with them not shared. There is a chance he could be sitting at the same table with me, my folks, and our DS for the reception. I already told FWW I would be hurt if she went to lunch or dinner with her sister and BIL while they are out there. Due to some prior professional commitments, I will only be in town for a couple days for the wedding and then going to a conference to present. Since FWWs sister and BIL will not know many of the other people there, I can see them inviting FWW and our boys out for lunch or supper. She understands that this would hurt me, and assures me she will not do anything like that if asked. She is hoping to spend time with our DS and her DD while out there.

--Ats


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3968 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

honesttoafault

What ever you do.. DO NOT attract this man back. And yes, your behaviors always tend to be most attractive. You will never be happy with this kind of man. Agree with him,

"yes, I am not the woman you need"
"Yes, we do need to D."
"True, I agree, only worthy to a certian type man, not you"
"We can make this simple, I will help us end this on good terms so we can just be friends."
"I trust your son may come around when we end our marriage, then you can more effectively talk to him. Let just do this so we both don't get hurt any more than needed."

Think hard only about things that lead to a more Amicable D.

Your courage shows.. Don't stop now! Your good is coming!!!!


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Having to be stuck in the house with NPD with a foot of snow is a pain!!

I certainly hope NPD is keeping all of your walks and driveways shovled and the snow cleared away. Demonstrating to DS 15 and 18 how a real man takes care of his house and family. I am sure that after his surgery the physical exertion would no longer be an issue.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3968 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ats: what is acoa?

i have read all, and have retained only bits and pieces....my head is everywhere and always ends up upon my sister's memory.....

friday was the wake...valentines day.....needless to say it was truly the worst one i have ever had

the wake was in Staten Island, an hour and half from where i am.....so being valentines day and the distance, not one person came from my "camp" so to speak....all who did come were all quite gracious,...with exception of course to my family....but still i felt lonely...pfm came, actually drove me and was actually quite supportive..with exception to how he handled my kids through this, he was really good to me....

the funeral was on saturday and we left her at a crematorium...and it felt wrong to just leave her there....i cannot explain why, it just felt wrong....i felt like we were leaving her alone...when it came time for the final goodbye...i couldn't....i had to force myself...my first instinct when i was told it was my turn was "i don't want to"....and i said it aloud too....sobbing....but i did...i said goodbye and it sucked....

anyways.... its done....

ats: glad you finished the book...and from what i remember...you had a solid mix of positive and negative...but if i remember correctly....you left off feeling positive towards your marriage

and as for the upcomming event.....take it one step at a time and keep reinforcing to mrs ats your boundaries....and what you need...she needs constant reinforcing without being critical....

honest: keep breathing...take each day, one at a time...and escape whenever possible...even if you just go to your neighbor...the more distance you give yourself the better off you are....


(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

iwam,

It really sounds like a difficult week and weekend for you. I am glad pfm was able to come through for you in this.

acoa: adult child of alcoholic

Everyone seems ok, but FWW and DS were rear ended at a traffic light today. The car is high mileage and 10 years old. I am worried the insurance will want to total out the car. I have put thousands into repairs the last two years, so the car is worth much more than Bluebook wholesale to me. Guess we will see.

ats


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3968 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ats: i could so totally relate to your current car sich....but i have learned that you could put thousands into a vehicle, and then put thousands more.....we have had quite a few vehicles within my family (5 of us who drive) and we have seemingly sunk $ after more $.....and at some point you just got to cut your losses and move on....otherwise you would would still be sinking more and more into it....

and most happy that "all" are "ok".....which after all is the most important part....a car is a material object..totally replaceable and thats what will help...people are not


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 2:19 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ats: I'm glad to hear that everyone is OK, that is the most important thing. I know what a pain it is with cars that you have put money into.
I'm glad that you were able to finish the book. What a beautiful gift!!! I hope you W appreciates all the work you put into it and what a fantastic husband she has!
NPD shovel?? We have been living here for over 21 years and he has not shoveled once in all that time.

Tryn: I'm just waiting for the lawyer to finish up the post nup for NPD to sign. I'm trying not to rock the boat or poke the tiger, but it's extremely hard.

Miracle: I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. Thank God pfm has been supportive of you at this time. {{{{Miracle}}}

As for me, I did submit the paperwork for the post nup and am waiting for it to be finished ASAP so he can sign it. NPD still comment bombs me and tells me how I damaged the kids, how I turned them against him, etc.
To add fuel to the fire, NPD decides to check up on DS18 and finds his Twitter page. As NPD goes through it, he sees DS18 posted that his father stole his money for his car. A few days later, NPD finds that DS 18 had posted a curse against NPD: My father is xxxxx . Now NPD says that DS18 is no longer his son.

Granted, I'm not pleased that DS18 put this on Twitter, it's a public site and I think they forget it is, but still....
DS18 keeps texting me asking when NPD is leaving. He wants to come home. DS15 can't wait until his father leaves too. I can't legally kick him out at this point, and I don't know why he's staying.

NPD was at me one day, and I cried a few tears of frustration and after him telling me we were going to live like brother and sister and since we were still married, I shouldn't be looking for another man , I said, "Let me get this straight. You are telling me that you will not be calling me or the kids. You will be coming for business only and when you come, you will be barely talking to me. In the meantime, you don't DS18 back, don't want my older sons in the house, you don't want me to go out at night to visit a friend. I am supposed to sit here every night by myself?" I could see from his face how ridiculous it sounded, and then he says that he doesn't want to be separated and we could live as husband and wife and not to let him sleep alone! And again asks me if me and DS15 would move back to overseas with him.

God help me! He is insane. I'm insane for putting up with all this crap for so long. I don't know if I can wait until the lawyer finishes the papers. He's watching every move I make, checking my phone calls and texts online, telling me that I'm doing stuff behind his back, etc.

You know, I had to make an excuse when I went to the lawyer and purposely left my cell phone at home because he put the gps thing on it. All I said to myself was how in the world do these WS's do all these secretive things? How do they sneak around and not drive themselves crazy? I felt horrible that I was going to the lawyer and not telling him and I have every right in the world to do this to protect myself and my kids. I really don't get how they sneak and lie and are deceitful!!

Pray for me that I don't have a nervous breakdown. Only a few more weeks before he leaves. And I know it will get worse before it gets better. God help me.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest...F.T.G! Glad you are standing up to him! Go buy a new phone that he knows nothing about. Let him check all he wants, let him wonder what you are doing. If you have a good friend that likes to party give them your old "locked" phone and have them carry it around with them for a few days. See how much fun you can have with this. Or better yet actually go out with some of these friends for drinks and a good time because you definitely deserve it.

You won't have a nervous breakdown. The sooner his dumbass is gone the sooner you and your sons life will return to normal.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
STBXWW = Her
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Separated 6/2013, D official around 6/2014

Posts: 1585 | Registered: May 2011
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 5:31 AM, February 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest, Keep your courage going.

IMO, don't engage in that kind of conversation in anyway to teach him. Your H has different values. You have a good values and morality. I doubt your H can change without some very hard fall of some sort that will awaken him.

Honest, consider thinking a far different way..

H, "we were going to live like brother and sister"
Honest, "I know and that is not what I wanted. But sometimes people just change, I changed, you changed. I will be Ok, you will be OK. You have a lot going for you. As for me finding a man, No way I make things that complicated (a laugh), I won't be finding me another partner anytime soon." Give him some security feelings as you move toward this end.

So you know, as you described it, Your H is feeling the pain of end. It is going to happen. Nothing you can do about it. His is going to react, and he reacts in bad behaviors.

Your son is 15. Your H cannot force him to go. You can help your son by leading him. And your son is old enough to make up his own mind. Let him I say.

kinda like this...
"Son, I won't do anything to tell you what to do. You are now becoming a man. You weigh out all your options into the future, look at all the positives and negatives of your own future and you make wise choices based on what YOU see. If you make a good one, you will protect your happiness. I will do all within my power if you want to stay here in school, with me, our family here, your brother. Your happiness depends on the choices and decision YOU make."

Sometimes, we have feelings like guilt. Id your guilt. Are you sure that feeling is guilt? or worry? When we feel guilty, we focus intently on events that have already happened. When we worry, it is about events that are presently happening or may happen in the future. If you write down what has happened and why you feel that way. You did not fail your M, therefore it was your H choice, not yours. Your H might hurt and feel pain. You might feel those feelings because he is hurting. That is not your doings. He did it to himself. It is not your fault nor feelings for you to take on. There is nothing you can do to make this situation better with your H. Modify your own behavior into the future and that is what you are doing to end these bad feelings. I no longer need any person like my H in my life. GOOD. You are doing the right things. Keep it up.

It has been far to long for your feelings to not be good. It is time. You will get there. Keep moving forward toward a good peace by changing and taking some wise risk.

[This message edited by trynhard at 5:33 AM, February 21st (Friday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, February 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tryn: thank you for your words of encouragement. Actually, I was saying it was ok that he wanted separation and was not arguing it. I think it was because I wasn't arguing it, that he suddenly said he changed his mind saying we will be living as husband and wife. I'm seeing a pattern here. He was bullying me and it wasn't working, so I think he's starting to change his tactics by being slightly nicer in order to control me
BTW, the son who left is 18, the 15 year old is still here.

7 yrs: LOL, about the phone. A few years ago, someone, (maybe Ats or Jack?) suggested I tape the phone underneath a seat on the subway to drive NPD crazy!!

I had to take DS 18 to traffic court because he pulled driving NPD's car to school (before NPD came back...NPD didn't give him his money back to buy his car) because of tinted windows (it was a little above the standard) The court in their infinite wisdom said it was DS's responsibility because he was driving the car, not the owner's. (Later I overhear NPD telling someone about how much money he spends on DS and had to pay the court, conveniently omitting the reason why. It sounded like DS was a reckless driver )
Anyway, I was talking to DS18 and he said that so many people are telling him to go home, that he should follow his father's rules, etc. DS18 looks at me, telling me it's not that at all. It's the way his father treats him. He says no one sees it. And then he looks at me and says, "It's like how it is with you and Grandma".

OMG, I get that! It's so insidious. It's grueling and slowly eroding of the spirit and soul. It's not something that is so blantant. My mother has done it to me, and NPD has been doing it to me for years. The difference is that I put up with NPD for so long because of my mother's treatment of me, so it was something I was used to. I treated DS18 better (no, I am not perfect, but all my sons have told me that I have given them unconditional love) so DS18 feels how NPD's treatment of him is wrong. DS18 says that his father doesn't even know him. I did tell DS that I believed that his father loves him with the best of his ability and probably more than anyone else. That I felt that his father loved him so much since he was born, even if it's not the way he wished he was loved. I said, I think you are not just angry, but are also hurt. DS18 almost started crying and said he didn't want to talk about it anymore. I also suggested during our conversation he might consider seeing an IC. I told him that when I was younger I thought going to an IC meant I couldn't handle things, but that is not the case. I said speaking to someone who is objective and trained to listen can be helpful to us to sort out our feelings and point things out to us and help us focus our energies in positive ways to deal with things. I also said that throughout history there was always someone, like the tribal elder, or and older person in the family who took this role, but in today's society we have lost that and go to an IC.

I'm realizing that it's been so very long since I've felt relaxed and safe. I feel like I'm going to be verbally attacked at any minute. It's not like NPD is verbally attacking with curses of insults per se, but his accusations attack me on a deeper level. He keeps saying I have to fix the damage I have done. When I told him that he was mad at DS18 and he had no right to talk to me that angrily, he retorted, "Don't tell me what I can or cannot do! I have the right to do anything I want! Just like you have the right to do anything you want!" Something small, but important snapped in me. Yes, he does, but I don't have to put up with it. I have the right to walk away, to start living my own life.
FTG

Thanks for listening to my ramblings.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, February 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

R

The more time that passes the more confident I am that this is where we are. A heartfelt discussion tonight about the upcoming wedding where OM BIL is attending (an unexpected surprise). I told FWW the boundaries I thought I needed to feel safe, not that I expected any W behaviors from her. FWW is changing her plans. She was initially angry at me when I told her my boundaries, but on her own she processed it, SHE EMPATHIZED!

There has been more, touching, working together. She is sharing her fears. I feel like a husband.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3968 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ats-
Glad to read this. It sounds as if your FWW is finally beginning to admit to herself that she may need to make changes in herself in order to make the marriage work. The main reason that psychologists say that BPD is so difficult to treat is because most of those with BPD refuse to admit they have this personality disorder and refuse to make any changes to their behavior.
I hope that she will be able to keep to the agreed upon boundaries when it comes to the OM and OM/BIL.
I can't imagine having to socialize at a wedding attended by the OW but I guess I could get through it. Like you I would have strict boundaries in place and expectations for how my FWH should behave at the function etc.
Mainly, he would have to stick to me like glue and shower me with tons of attention!

It sounds good. I'm happy for you.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Boy has it been quiet in here.....

honest: keep focused on your future...do not let the mental ass you are married to distract you from what you need to do....do not waver and never forget who he really is....

keep posting too...it will help keep you sane in an insane sich


ats: yay mrs ats.....mrs ats seem to still be growing from within...she is still learning, she is still working.....and i am so proud of how far she has come....


as for me: still hangin in.....

(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 6:55 AM, February 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Boy has it been quiet in here.....

Would you like to discuss ways to affair proof you marriage?

I think honest is going to beat you out of limbo. Go honest!!! go go go..

[This message edited by trynhard at 7:00 AM, February 26th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, February 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ats: I'm so happy to read your post! That is wonderful news. I'm glad that Mrs. Ats is giving you empathy and is really starting to communicate with you.

Miracle: Thank you for your support. Been trying to get a hold of my lawyer, but she hasn't called back, don't understand.

Tryn: Thank you, trying to keep going.

As for me, NPD gets another heart test and we find out that he may need more surgery, doctors are still studying his case and NPD wants to go back to the surgeon who did his open heart surgery. This may sound terrible, but I'm unhappy about this more because he's going to be staying longer


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, February 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Honest. I think how NPD responded to signing the papers you are having drawn up would impact how helpful you are during any additional heart surgery. How are those papers coming?

FWW is on an uptick or a roll in dealing with her issues recently. Given a choice she even scheduled IC sooner rather than later. She has been sharing insights into her thoughts and behaviors. She avoids certain stores at certain times out of fear of seeing one of her AP's, AP BW, or other people on a list she wants to avoid. She looks into rooms "scans" them before entering to look for dangers to her. She still shifts into shame or self-deprecation at the drop of a hat.

We were talking about the upcoming wedding and she commented about understanding my difficulty with her BIL, with whom she admits sexting and phonesex and I suspect PA, sitting at the same table as us. I pointed out it is more than just BIL. There is his W (her sister) who knew of the A (the As with men other than her WH the BIL) and was told how I was the evil husband for years, her xH and his family, her older daughter and her husband who told me that I was not welcome in their house the last I spoke with them (this is the same one who did not invite me or my parents to her wedding), and the older step-daughter's new child (FWW's first grandchild) that everyone will be fawning over. Yeah, sounds like a fun time. FWW said she had not considered how many difficult relationships would be there for me beyond just BIL who was an AP. I anticipate it to be a very odd feeling to be in a room with at least two other men who have had a sexual relationship with my W. It would be nice to think FWW will take care of me in that environment, but she is not able. If anything, she will be overwhelmed and in need of support. This will be on me, and these are the times I question R versus D and moving on.

Oh well, just 2 days for the wedding and then I do back to back professional conferences where I am speaking, presenting, and co-author of a book being released. Like I say, the other parts of my life are going pretty good. FWW has agreed and confirmed that she will leave the day after the wedding when I have to fly out. My folks will be leaving then too, and so will our boys, so we will all get to go together (to the airport). IC/MC challenged FWW to plan something special to do with the boys when they get back to show time with our family is as important as spending time with her family.

[This message edited by atsenaotie at 9:12 AM, February 27th (Thursday)]


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3968 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, February 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ats- sounds like you have a very good plan for the wedding. Its great that you are able to discuss all of this with your WW and good to hear that she is going to IC regularly and taking advice from the IC!
All of this is a huge change from the WW you used to describe here on LTA.

It will be an uncomfortable time for you but just hold your head up high. You have nothing to be ashamed of. They do.
And it's great that your WW will be leaving with you and not staying behind on her own.

Sounds promising....

and as for your upcoming presentations and co-authoring a book! Way to go Ats!


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
njgal480
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Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, February 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

honest- it does sound strange that the attorney is not returning your calls. Does he/she have a secretary that answers the phone? could you stop by the office in person?


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


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