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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affairs - Part 33
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

liedtolucy-

Welcome to our LTA corner.

I am so sorry for what you are going through.

My FWH had a 5 yr LTA so I know the pain of that but you have the added shock and trauma of having to deal with an OC. That has to be so difficult.

Your d-day is very recent so your need to discuss the details of the LTA and the obsessing about what was happening in your life during the LTA is normal.

How can your WH possibly expect you to be 'over it' in just a few months?
He had a 4 yr LTA and he expects you to no longer discuss it after 4 months?

Sorry but that's not how it works.

Even in the best case scenarios ...with an extremely remorseful WS who is willing to be 100% transparent about everything it takes years and years to 'get over it'....
and in reality we never forget about the infidelity but we can eventually move forward and reach a level of acceptance and then hopefully, forgiveness.

After d-day I was an emotional wreck for almost a year-crying every day. I needed meds and IC in order to keep myself together.
I also needed to know all the details about the LTA.

I needed to know exactly what happened before I decided to try to reconcile.

There is also a thread in ICR ( I Can Relate) for those dealing with OC.


Are you in IC as well as MC? That was very important for my own healing.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
LiedtoLucy
♀ Member
Member # 39246
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are in MC, who has recommended an IC for FWH. He said he would go. But has yet to pick up a phone to make an appointment and it has been two months since MC made the recommendation. He feels like every one of us want to punish him and make him feel like shit. It's all about him. And he doesn't want to keep thinking about it and feeling like shit.

Last time, at MC, I ASKED him.. Why in the world would you think that I DON'T feel like shit?


LTL

Me: BS
Him: WH
OW=UW or Ugly Whore- cow of WH
UW claims to be pregnant w/ WH baby and I HATE her for it.
DDay: 4/23/13
Together: 14 years
Married: 10 years
Kids: 3 beautiful boys. Ages: 8, 4, & 19 months
Trying to R-Some days are


Posts: 104 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Southeastern U.S.
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 11:19 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lucy-

It sounds like he is blame shifting and not willing to take responsibility for his actions.

He also does not sound 100% remorseful.

Have you read 'Not Just Friends' by Shirley Glass?

And like miracle suggested-take a look at the healing library (yellow box on the left)if you can read the articles they will help.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 12:56 AM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lucy:

he needs to make the appt for ic....it needs to be a requirement and not a choice...

until you feel like he gets it 100%, you will never feel safe within the marriage...if you don't feel safe, he will never have a sense of peace.....nor will either one of you feel happy....

there is that old saying...:if momma aint happy, nobody is happy


there need to be requirements and choices...and if his choices do not meet your requirements then you will never feel safe, and if you do not feel safe, you will not have a happy marriage or even a marriage that works...works for both of you


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lucy: Of course your WH doesn't want to face the pain and shame and wants it to all go away, but he MUST face it in order to R, help you heal, and he needs to go to IC to see what was in him to choose to have a LTA.

The prospect of an OC is extremely painful. My WH has 3 OC's. He actually named the oldest OC almost the same name as our daughter who died. There is a thread in the "I Can Relate" forum about OC's. They discuss there things like when the OW will be looking for child support for the OC, so a paternity test would be in order. I also believe there is something about your filing for CS FIRST to make sure your kids are covered. I'm not sure about this if you are still married. Please post here for support for the LTA, but also go there too. I check out the NPD forum since WH has a lot of traits of NPD (Whether or not he is full fledged NPD is up for discussion)

Tryn: Thank you for your support. Your post really touched me, I really appreciate it.

Thank you everyone. NPD is calling asking me why all of a sudden I was asking about an OW#2 ( he suddenly changed his password, so he suspected) Promising me he would never do that unless he told me first blah blah blah. Wanted to make sure I was ok, doesn't want me to be upset, etc.
Sooo, he's probably gone ahead.

I am really trying to detach emotionally, but feel sick to my stomach. First DDay I had so much info to deal with, my head was spinning. There was too much to process. This time, the damn invasive thoughts are coming in, I read the "I love you" etc. It makes me so sick. Then I get really angry as I should. Miracle is right, I need to have that get me moving.

I don't know if I should out this EA/potential M to his family. Not that I'm trying to get him to stop, but would love that he suffers some consequences for his actions. What a selfish prick.

Damn emotions are so hard to deal with.


Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jan 2010
PositiveAttitude
♀ Member
Member # 40624
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by PositiveAttitude at 2:57 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 145 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From:
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 7:11 AM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good Morning honest,

I am dealing with a NPD. I know that he will 180 me and be devastating. Probably trying to control with money.

So kind of business as usual. He will act from his personality disorders, he will "punish" you by trying to cut your out and withholding his attention, and he will ensure you know he controls all of the money. You have been suffering the death of a hundred cuts; maybe you are ready to just get it over with.

I don't know if I should out this EA/potential M to his family.

I would pass on that. They cannot stop him, and there will be no real consequences to HIM. He will see it has your problem, their problem, more evidence of what a long suffering husband he is to tolerate everyone.

Hi L2L,

And he doesn't want to keep thinking about it and feeling like shit.

He doesn't have to, in the same way you do not need to interact with him or even be M to him.

It has been about 6 months since dday for you, what has your WH done to improve the M and fix his issues? You already said he has not followed through on IC. Has he read Not Just Friends or Sexual Detours and discussed with you how they do or do not apply to him? Have you asked for a timeline and has he given you one? What is he doing to work on his unwillingness to own and be responsible for his actions? What is he doing to take some of the household load off of you as you process his betrayal? You post he has agreed to NC with the OC, but is OW going to look for child support? Is his OC going to be just another responsibility he walks away from and leaves with others?

He does not do IC, he does not talk with you about the A so you can process, and he demeans your inquiries. What is it that you get from your relationship with this man?


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3964 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
DecimatedHeart
♀ Member
Member # 37657
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Lucy,

So sorry you find yourself here, but you are in good company. Listen to the advice given here. Take care of yourself.

Honest,

I don't even know what to say. My heart breaks for you. Please, try and find a job, even a part time one that has nothing to do with your educational background. Just a part time job with direct deposit going into an account his name isn't on. He's hiding money from you, I figure turnabout is fair play. I think it will really empower you.

As for me, I'm struggling with my urges today. The urge to confront WH about the NC letter I asked for and got crickets on. Or about his new female FB friend whose photo gallery is filled with old pictures of WH and OW. When he saw me crying and saw why, he hugged me but then told me it was my own fault for looking. Well, when your FB page says "WH is now friends with so-n-so and 8 other people (all but one girls and three who are also friends with OW), you look. The urge to confront OW -- that woman is long overdue for a piece of my mind, and maybe a right hook. The urge to go tell her BS, consequences be damned. The urge to just pack my shit, grab my daughter and run away. Sigh.

Instead I'm cleaning the house and making a shopping list for Thanksgiving dinner, and trying to stop shaking.


Me, BS 41
Him WH 42 - LTA, EA/PA
Together 24 years
DD13 - the love of my life
DDay#1 11/10/2012
DDay#4 4/5/2013 (NC broken AGAIN)
A supposedly over 6/14/2013

All my posts are edited - I hate typos. :)


Posts: 129 | Registered: Nov 2012
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When he saw me crying and saw why, he hugged me but then told me it was my own fault for looking.

I belive that a lack of ability to feel empathy for others is a core issue for many WSs. I think it is hard (impossible?) to have an emotionally intimate and supportive relationship with a person who is unable to understand or appreciate the impact of their words and actions on others.

I see this very much in FWW. Not just for me, but in her interactions with others too.

[This message edited by atsenaotie at 9:04 AM, November 25th (Monday)]


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3964 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

D_Heart,

so so sorry to read this stuff again.... the intimidation...the dishonesty...

did you establish a no-FB or no female FB friends boundary? if so, then you need a crash course on enforcing boundaries...if that even matters now...

the main thing is to tell the other BS - take back control - end the secrecy - maybe have another person for support - speak now against this day - and don't make thanksgiving dinner!!!!

WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? DEEP DEEP DOWN?

Jack


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 791 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? DEEP DEEP DOWN?

Jack: That is the jackpot question! Maybe the one that is hardest to face or even find because of all the details that is hiding it. Like not seeing the forest for the trees.

It makes me think of that movie "Dreamscape" where a little boy can't sleep because of a monster in his nightmares. When he is finally able to face the monster, the nightmares cease.

Facing the fear head on is important, but digging deep enough down to find out what that fear is... that is the hard thing.

Ats: thank you. It's funny, I just came from IC and she said a similar thing, that it was like I was trying to peel off a band aid a millimeter at a time and am in a downward spiral. She wants me to go back on the AD's. Thank you for wise advice about outing the EA/M. It won't help and end up hurting me. Don't poke the bear.

DH: Sometimes I think so many of these WS's go to WS University of deflection, blameshifting, selfishness, and no empathy. WH would tell me I shouldn't be thinking about what he is doing and I shouldn't be focusing on him. Perhaps he is right about the latter part. I should NOT be focusing on him.
I agree that you should talk to the OW's BH. Make a plan to do it next week after Thanksgiving. Perhaps you may sit down with yourself and decide what your boundaries are, what your dealbreakers are. Don't do what I have done and allow WH to keep pushing back your boundaries and slowly but surely you give him all your power and no boundaries. My neighbor told me that me not enforcing boundaries for him was that he figured he would put up with me being upset for a while, cry or yell for a while and he goes on doing what he wants.
I gave WH all my power and it's hard to get it back.


Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jan 2010
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest...
She wants me to go back on the AD's.
That seems like a good idea for you...


Adulterers may be stoned under new Afghan law, official says

So, my W and I have talked about this before. No way she cheats if this law was here, she would D me first. I would call that an affair proofing law.. Humm???

By Jessica Donati, Reuters. KABUL Death by stoning for convicted adulterers is being written into Afghan law, a senior official said on Monday, the latest sign that human rights won at great cost since the Taliban were ousted in 2001 are rolling back as foreign troops withdraw.

"We are working on the draft of a sharia penal code where the punishment for adultery, if there are four eyewitnesses, is stoning," said Rohullah Qarizada, who is part of the sharia Islamic law committee working on the draft and head of the Afghan Independent Bar Association.


of course, there is always an idiot who thinks they can outsmart the law.

[This message edited by trynhard at 4:53 PM, November 25th (Monday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

honest- what are you afraid of deep down?
are you afraid of being alone?of being abandoned?
aren't you already alone? hasn't he already abandoned you?
and if finances are your worry....then you could begin looking at what options you have in your community....support for single moms returning to the workforce,lower priced rentals etc., as well as start your job search....this way you will have a safety net for when you cut the final ties to the NPD.
And the fact that he's searching for yet another OW...not something you should even think about.

He has been treating you and your sons so cruelly for so many years that at this point is there really anything else he can do to hurt you?


I read a quote on SI yesterday-the BS wrote about how what the WS was doing to her was worse in some ways than physical abuse...because at least with physical abuse others can see the damage and help you but the abuse your NPD is heaping on you is internal...the bruises are on your soul.

I also read a quote years ago where emotional abuse was called 'soul murder'.

Don't let it continue any longer.

Look at 2014 as your year to be free of NPD and finally find some peace and happiness.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tryn: I think I will go back on them. IC says that most of my depression is chemical imbalance, and is situational...But I got so caught up that I felt like I was a hopeless victim. Thank you for your support.

About Sharia law, that is in the Koran. It is considered adultery if single people have sex outside of marriage and the punishment is whipping. BUT if the adulterer is married, then stoning is in order. The problem is, that there have to be 4 witnesses to the actual act..... Ok, maybe that is not a "problem" per se so no one starts accusing someone with no proof just to hurt another. It used to be "illegal" in the US, too and was grounds for divorce and the adulterer was "punished" in terms of how the D went. No fault D did away with "cause" for D.

NJgal: Your questions are the ones that I'm really trying to dig down inside to answer. I had to be away from BPD Mom for a while to start to heal too. I was worn down from all sides.

NPD has been cruel. He doesn't have the slightest bit of empathy for other's feelings, although he puts on a good show. He acts like he cares, but his actions don't show it. Fixing the pool and redoing the kitchen is more for him, it's not for me, although he'll argue with anyone that it was not.

I've updated my resume and been looking at the want ads. Hoping the AD's can get the emotions back under control so they are not so overwhelming.

Thank you everyone for your support and wisdom.


Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jan 2010
LiedtoLucy
♀ Member
Member # 39246
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

atsenaotie

Thank you for your reply. It really made me think. FWH has stepped up to the plate in some areas of our life. Since DDay, he is spending more time with the kids. He is spending quality time with me. Comes to my office to bring me coffee or take me lunch on his days off. He makes sure that I know where he is at all times. He answers my non-stop questions about the cell phone bill. He hugs me when I am sad and he says he is sorry. But the minute we start talking about it he starts getting defensive, hurt feelings, doesn't understand why we can't move forward. He says he says he knows he doesn't want her. It was a huge mistake that I wish I could take back. But I can't.

We have had some successful conversations about it. But he doesn't understand my need to discuss things as they come up. Or when I trigger..it doesn't make sense to him why a certain thing caused it. He thinks I am obsessing about it unnecessarily, but I try to explain that you can't stop it.

As far as OC goes, he says he will take a paternity test and pay CS. I am pretty sure he would like to be able to see the kid but he knows I wouldn't be able to deal with that. I didn't tell him that but..he knew.


LTL

Me: BS
Him: WH
OW=UW or Ugly Whore- cow of WH
UW claims to be pregnant w/ WH baby and I HATE her for it.
DDay: 4/23/13
Together: 14 years
Married: 10 years
Kids: 3 beautiful boys. Ages: 8, 4, & 19 months
Trying to R-Some days are


Posts: 104 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Southeastern U.S.
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((lucy)))

you have so much on your plate....

yes he needs to get a paternity test, he should pay cs if the oc IS his and as far as seeing the oc...imo, he should consult a lawyer....the child is an innocent victim....and the child would deserve to know his,her father....but i totally understand your hesitation here...


honest: def go back on the ad's....as far as getting down to the nitty gritty of your fears...i am all for it, but and this is a big but...you could get to the bottom of these fears wihtout being married to him.....think with your logic mind and ACT upon your logic mind and do not follow your heart/mind....

(((dh))): none of what he says should matter....hard 180...as hard as you could muster...

as far as you cookin for the holiday...your dd knows your sich...order in child...order in....your dd won't mind that you didn't cook...and who cares about ws and his family....

you have your plan....i understand it was your plan b....not anymore....that is now plan a....and the only plan b needs to be a different way of going about plan a......keep to the plan on leaving him......he is not "loving" you....he is not doing what needs to be done for you to ever feel safe


as for telling the bs...i have mixed feelings on this....mostly because of the backlash......you are already feeling so so ill.....when you are walking out the door, by all means call the man and let him in...until then decide if its worth the extra shit...

((((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
ReunitePangea
♂ Member
Member # 37529
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Adulterers may be stoned under new Afghan law, official says

It is one thing to have a law on the books, enforcement of laws is a completely different story. Many of these countries with the above type laws the corruption regarding enforcement of laws like this is horrible. Any law on the books that involves stoning is a clear human rights violation in my opinion.

However, in my state adultery is actually a felony. Good luck getting anyone to prosecute it though. Can you imagine what would happen if they did start enforcing the laws on the books regarding adultery? I am not sure it would be a good thing if they did and I doubt it would be much of a deterrent.


BS - Me 38
WS - Wife 39
D-Day - Oct 12
Married 10 years
OM1 - 12-year LTA
OM2 - 9 month A turned into open relationship with couple for another 1 1/2 years

Posts: 399 | Registered: Nov 2012
DecimatedHeart
♀ Member
Member # 37657
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey all,

MC -- I took some time after reading your reply to really think about it. Am I afraid? I don't think so. Not anymore. I was. I was afraid of losing the man I always believed to be my soulmate. I was afraid of destroying my DD's family. I didn't want her to be a child of divorce. I was afraid of repeating my parents' mistakes.

I'm not afraid anymore. Sad, yes, incredibly so. I still love him. We had a great relationship before this. DD and I still have fun with him when he's being charming. All those geeky things I love, he loves them too. We mesh. But I know it's just window dressing and it's not enough. I keep hoping and I keep getting hurt and I just can't take any more pain. The past couple of weeks have really been the straw that broke the camel's back.

I'm dealing with logistics. I don't feel like I'll be able to count on WH financially if I decide to leave, so I have to look at worst case scenario (my sole income)and plan for that. I took a part time job back at the bottom of the career ladder, and not counting WH's income, I currently make less than half the cut-off for low to moderate income in the area in which we live. DD doesn't want to move, and I understand that, so I'm trying to find a way to make it work. There are no apartment complexes in her school district, so I'm left trying to find a house to rent that accepts pets, but the few houses that have come up have higher rent than my monthly salary. Plus, they all ask for 3 months upfront - security, broker fee, and first month, and I've only managed to save 2/3 of that so far. I'm trapped. My only choices are move back home and ask my daughter to abandon her life here, or try and stick it out and hope for the best, even if that means getting emotionally battered and bruised because I can't seem to give up hope when he's standing there smiling at me.

As for Thanksgiving, DD and I love cooking. We talked about it and decided to go ahead with dinner, if for no other reason than because we don't want it to fall under the category of one more thing we've been robbed of.

IWAM -- I'm trying, believe me I am... my heart tugs at me to keep trying, to want to talk to him, even if my brain knows it's a lost cause...

[This message edited by DecimatedHeart at 11:30 AM, November 26th (Tuesday)]


Me, BS 41
Him WH 42 - LTA, EA/PA
Together 24 years
DD13 - the love of my life
DDay#1 11/10/2012
DDay#4 4/5/2013 (NC broken AGAIN)
A supposedly over 6/14/2013

All my posts are edited - I hate typos. :)


Posts: 129 | Registered: Nov 2012
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DHeart,

We talked about it and decided to go ahead with dinner, if for no other reason than because we don't want it to fall under the category of one more thing we've been robbed of.
^^^That's very good. Taking back control and owning the experience for you.

My only choices are move back home and ask my daughter to abandon her life here
^^^13 is not a back age to move, just before high school starts.


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 791 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I've only managed to save 2/3 of that so far. I'm trapped. My only choices are move back home and ask my daughter to abandon her life here, or try and stick it out and hope for the best, even if that means getting emotionally battered and bruised because I can't seem to give up hope when he's standing there smiling at me.

dh: the problem with the above statement is 2 things...

#1..you are not trapped....thoughts become reality....you are making a choice

#2..you are not alone in getting emotionally battered and bruised.....you AND you dd are both getting emotionally battered and bruised

and when he is smiling.....there is no substance....its him trying to shut you up, trying to get you to move past whatever it is he wants you to move past, its him pretending that everything is fine, its him ...the lying cheat.....

as for the 180...you need to remember what he is, you need to remember that talking to him is a waste of breath...its gotten you nowhere thus far...so basically its like riding on a runaway train....a speeding train..going nowhere really fast knowing that at any moment you can crash and burn....


pangea: there is no such thing as affair proofing any marriage, nor any relationship....from the dawn of time people have cheated....in every country, in every town, in every era....its even in the bible....so its not like its a generational thing....no punishment will stop everyone, sure it may deter some people....but def not all.....

there will always be people who believe they are above the law, there will always be people who have no morals and values, ther will always be people who give in to temptations....from Adam and Eve to present day...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
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