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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: In hell...
wishingitsadream
New Member
Member # 41030
Default  Posted: 6:45 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I just found out that my husband of 6 years and partner for 11 years has been having online affairs for at least the past 4 years. He has been visiting sex chat rooms, has been sexting one particular person for over a year, has sexted multiple other people, has had sex phone calls with multiple people (as well as this long-term sexting partner), and has kept it all hidden from me. Until tonight when I found one text and demanded answers.

And...I'm due with our first child in three weeks. I don't know what to do...well, I guess I do know the first steps, but after that? I called my mom and my best friend, they both came over and my mom's spending the night. My husband is now at work and I asked him to find someplace else to stay while I figure this out for myself.

In the morning (really in a few hours) I am going to call my OB and request to get in immediately to get checked for STDs. My husband says he never met with anyone and never physically cheated, but I know better than to just blindly believe that. I don't know if I want a divorce or not...but I told him that if he wants any chance of a hope of not getting divorced, I want complete honesty, all of my questions answered, and a clean STD screen from his doctor (and I want to see the test results), and to immediately do both individual and couples counseling. I just don't know what I want, I'm so scared and just keep wishing this was just a dream (hence the user name)...Anyway, I guess I just had to get this out somewhere. Thanks for listening...


Posts: 3 | Registered: Oct 2013
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 7:03 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hugs)))

I am sorry that you are dealing with this. My first piece of advice is to focus on staying healthy as best as you can. You and your baby should be the major focus. There is no need to try to solve this today or this week. I like that you recognized that you didn't need to decide on divorcing him right now, and I think that your list of things for him to do in order to possibly reconcile is spot on.

Try to lean on your Mom and friends as well as posting as you need here on SI.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

There are shortcuts to happiness, and dancing is one of them-Vicky Baum


Posts: 49750 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
IndianDreams
♀ New Member
Member # 40991
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry you've found yourself here. I'm new here too so can't offer much advice but wanted you to know you're not alone and someone will be sure to point you in the right direction soon xxx


It wasn't my fault; my bucket was broken
NC = no new hurts

Posts: 38 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: England
motwobb1
♀ New Member
Member # 38903
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wishingitsadream-

I'm SO sorry you have found yourself here! I was also pregnant with our first child when I found out so I know the confusion you're going through.

I would suggest going to the healing library and reading. I have ordered some books off of Amazon that are on the list and have been doing some reading. Also, I found that writing in a journal really helps me. I "free" write so whatever comes into my mind I write. It could be about the online stuff or anything else going on. When I write its my me time, I plug in my music and just escape.

There's a thread under "I Can Relate" title "Cyber/Online Cheating" there is a ton of advice and support for this kind of affair.

Make sure you take care of yourself. When I found out I lost my appetite and had a hard time sleeping. Two things you need to make sure you are doing especially for your baby. I find if I focus on my kids that it helps to get through some days.

((hugs))


Posts: 22 | Registered: Apr 2013
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I''m so sorry that you had the reason to come find us, especially at a time when your life should be filled with joy and anticipation, but I am SO GLAD that you DID find us for support.

I know that it doesn''t feel like it right now, but you are doing very good and being very strong. You took some great initial steps upon finding out about this steaming pile that was thrown into your life. You have gone out IRL and asked for support from your mother and friend. You have scheduled an STD test to make sure to protect yourself AND your baby, and you have demanded that you see a clean panel from your WH. You have gotten him out of the house so that you have a chance to detach a bit to think and to figure out what you need. You have a plan going forward and you''ve found us for support and advice. All of this while you''re about to give birth.

Lady, you are AMAZING! You truly are! And anyone who can''t see that isn''t worth the bottom of your foot.

Please read The Healing Library which is located in the upper left yellow box. Please read any post in this forum that has a bulls-eye next to it. These are all good articles and advice, written by people who have been there and done that. I would also suggest seeing a lawyer to find out what you and your child''s rights are in case of separation and divorce. Knowledge is power, and you want as much knowledge as possible. You don''t need to go any further than that right now.

And remember. The only, ONLY priority in your life right now is to yourself and that beautiful baby that''s waiting to be born. You own nothing to any other person, let alone a liar and cheater. (((hugs)))

edited to say, I just bumped a bunch of posts for you to read so you don't have to search for them.

[This message edited by Skan at 11:46 AM, October 18th, 2013 (Friday)]


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4101 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
SerJR
♂ Member
Member # 14993
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome here little sister...

I'm so sorry for what is happening. You don't need to make any decisions about divorce or reconciliation until you are ready to do so. It can take some time to understand what we need, so please be patient with yourself.

You have a very solid plan in place for what you need to see from your WH. It is up to him to make his choices now. Put your focus on taking care of yourself both for you and you child. I would consider individual counseling and consulting with your doctor.

(((wishing)))

You can do this.
You're gonna be okay.


Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

Posts: 17093 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Further North than South
Topic Posts: 6

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