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User Topic: What would you have traded to not be a BS?
HurtButHopeful?
♀ Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Was reading the other thread about how often a BS thinks about the A, and upon realizing I think about it several times a day after 4 years of R, I wished I had broken my femur instead of the having the knowledge of infidelity in my M.


What would you have chosen?


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
Lovedyoumore
♀ Member
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would have freely given the ten years that this crap has taken off my life. I would have freely given up my looks and my good hair because they are also gone.


Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.


Posts: 1455 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
ontheslope
♂ Member
Member # 40574
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everything but my kids.


Me: BH, 36
Her: WW, 37
Two girls 8 & 10
Married 12 years
Dday: July, 2009

She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.


Posts: 269 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Maine, USA
HurtButHopeful?
♀ Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Lovedyoumore)))))


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
TrulySad
♀ Member
Member # 39652
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My marriage: Him

My next long term relationship: Him

My current relationship: Him


Me: Sad, but I will survive

True Love: What I have for my beautiful children.


Posts: 444 | Registered: Jun 2013
LeopoldB
♂ Member
Member # 40606
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would have traded a really great lawn mower.

It belongs to a neighbor that I do not care for.


Posts: 196 | Registered: Sep 2013
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would have given my left nut - and that's my favourite one!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1830 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nothing. My marriage sucked donkey balls before he even had the affair. The affair made me realize that I deserve more.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7551 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
struggling16
♀ Member
Member # 33202
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The marriage and my husband.

If he had come to me and told me how unhappy he was and asked for a D, I would have been relieved. I was miserable in that pre-A M. We were both gutless cowards about our unhappiness and that M wasn't worth much.


Posts: 711 | Registered: Aug 2011
BeyondBreaking
♀ Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would rather wake up every morning and have a bowl of live worms for breakfast.


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would have traded my entire M life. All of it. I even told my X "Why did you pursue me when you did not love me the way I loved you?? I could have found someone who really loved me!"


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17606 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
HurtButHopeful?
♀ Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was really serious when asking this Q. Some answers have been sad and very serious.

Others made me LOL!! I laughed so hard tears came to my eyes! Thanks SI I needed a good laugh.


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think in the beginning I would have traded anything.

But now, I think it was a road we went down for a reason and the pain fades. I gained more than I lost in the end.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3793 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Whalers11
♀ Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As horrible as this experience was, I think it saved me from wasting more time in a relationship that really wasn't the type of relationship I wanted to be in.


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2216 | Registered: Feb 2010
only once
Member
Member # 18835
Default  Posted: 11:35 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I told my husband that if he had nearly beat me to death it wouldn't have been as painful.

I'm not as pain driven as I was before but if I was I could haVe filled up 3pages on this fourum.


Me BS 54
Him 54 FWS
D-day Oct 19/07

Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Canada
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:58 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thank God that I finally accepted the knowledge that there was infidelity in my marriage. I thank God that I finally have the truth. The truth has set me free.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9522 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Marathonwaseasy
♀ Member
Member # 40674
Default  Posted: 2:17 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Too early to know my full answer

For the 7 years before dday I was married to a diminished bitter and angry man running from his diagnosis. All I wanted was my pre- breakdown husband back.

1 week post dday he realised how ill he is, how low he'd sunk and what he could lose and he hit absolute rock bottom. Since then he's facing all his shit, taking responsibility, taking life by the scruff of the neck. I have my husband back. The kids have the dad they deserve.
I thought I'd give anything for this.
But now I'm not sure I still want him or even if I do whether the price I pay is just too much for me


Me BS, 41
Him WS, 45
EA and PA (PA for 11 months)
DDay 13/9/13
3 children - 15,12,3
WS has bipolar, no excuse...

"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."


Posts: 421 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Ireland
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 5:32 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would not ever go back to the way things were. NEVER.

I would gladly give a year or two of my life to never have to experience the pain of all this though. Maybe more.

What is sad, I feel like I have already lost a year.

A year consumed with thoughts of things that I never wanted to know.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divorced 8/5/14


Posts: 1310 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
Merlin
♂ Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 7:28 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would give up everything except my kids.

Which is exactly what I did.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
Losttransport
♀ Member
Member # 39409
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DONKEY BALLS !!! Hilarious! Ok that made me laugh out loud
On that note, I wouldn't give up anything of myself because he was the jerk.


Me: BS-42
Hubby: FWS-42
OW: former friend of mine
EA from ? to 3-15-12
3 DD, 1 DS
Time heals all wounds-I do not agree.

Posts: 93 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 53
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