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User Topic: What happens 2 yrs later.....
DrivingPast
♀ Member
Member # 32984
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They say here that it takes 2-5 years to recover. Right after dday that looks like forever. I want to share my update with you all.

Im 2.5 out from dday and to my surprise, there was a definite shift in my feelings right after the 2 yr mark. I still have triggers but they arent nearly as frequent or severe. There are a lot of times when I dont even think about it.


Just want to offer some hope to the newbies out there. It really does get better. Hugs!


BW
married more than 10 yrs to a possible SA
D-Day May 5 2011
"Because one knows people best through their fears - the ones they overcome and the ones they are overcome by."

Posts: 1304 | Registered: Aug 2011
SoVeryTired5
♀ Member
Member # 40931
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for sharing that! It really helps to know it can get better.


Me: BS
Him: WH (iAmAMess0809)
Together: 7 years, married 5
Two children: 4yo, 1yo
DDay 4/30/13 EA, TT
Full disclosure of EA/PA 10/11/13

Posts: 55 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Midwest
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Personally I dont like set times like *it takes 2 to 5 years to recover from a affair*.

The time is not the important thing. Its what is done with and in that time.

If a WS is working harder than they have ever worked in their life toward healing you and the M. Then 2 to 5 years could be about right. If your getting gas lighted. trickle truthed. and blamed it will take A LOT LONGER.

Also I believe the type of affair has allot to do with how long it takes to recover. A single ONS or something like it probably takes less time to get over than a LTA or multiple short term affairs.

Also again. It depends on the BS. Some have harder times with EAs than they do PAs. Or whether or not the affair was with a best friend or family member.

Just too many things that affect the recovery to set a specific time when you should be recovered.

I also dont like dates like this because oftimes the BS has fingers pointed at them with words like *you should be recovered by now because its been 5 years now*. Words like this blame the BS for the slow recovery.

Its all nasty business.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3421 | Registered: Sep 2007
DrivingPast
♀ Member
Member # 32984
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I fully agree Razor. There are a million variables to every aspect of every relationship. There is no healing deadline.

I was not saying that everyone will feel better in 2 years. Was just sharing my experience, so far, here at the 2 yr mark. And I do believe that eventually, we all can heal. With or without your WS. There will be a time when the affair does not consume every second of your day. And thats hard to imagine in the early months(at least it was for me). And of course that is assuming there are no more ddays/cheating/abuse, etc. How can one heal while staying in a toxic environment.

BTW, the 2-5 yr estimation that is given here on SI specifically states that timeline only begins after no new hurts. I believe it is only offering hope, not saying that you must be over things and put it behind you.

Anyway, hugs and good luck to all of us, wherever you are on your journey!


BW
married more than 10 yrs to a possible SA
D-Day May 5 2011
"Because one knows people best through their fears - the ones they overcome and the ones they are overcome by."

Posts: 1304 | Registered: Aug 2011
Sacrimosa
♂ New Member
Member # 37697
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just hit the one year mark. What happened a week later? Found out my STBX is in contact with her affair partner again. *sigh*

Headed for divorce court now. This is unreal.

[This message edited by Sacrimosa at 5:56 PM, October 19th (Saturday)]


Posts: 3 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Philadelphia outskirts
lostcovenants
♀ Member
Member # 40637
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the hope drivingpast....

We all so need some hope. (((Hugs))) to us all.


BS 60; fWH 59; 2 children, 1 grandchild; Married 37+ years, he is my only; D-day 7/8/13; Married OW, PA 2009-2011; sexting with same MOW 2012-2013. Broke it off about a week before I found out.

Update-Sexting on cheating forums 14 YEARS. Idiot me


Posts: 156 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
confused girl
♀ Member
Member # 10649
Default  Posted: 6:41 PM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DrivingPast,

I felt the same way after two years. Soooooo much better.

Glad you are doing well, too!


Love always hopes.

Posts: 1369 | Registered: May 2006
mchercheur
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just from personal experience....
I believe it is easier to heal if the OW/OW is out completely out of the picture----then you & your WS can start a new marriage, hopefully better than the last.
If your WS had an A with a coworker & still works with them (as is true in my case)
be prepared that it will take much longer to heal, because every day when they leave for work, you are wondering if they will see the AP today.
I wish I had found this site on Dday, & that I had insisted that if he wanted to move back home, he had to change jobs. It has been very very difficult knowing that OW is there in that building.

[This message edited by mchercheur at 7:24 PM, October 19th (Saturday)]


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1353 | Registered: Dec 2012
cantgetup
♀ Member
Member # 36146
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

2 years was the turning point for me too. But a little different in that it was at 2 years that I first started to heal individually, and not 2 years and we were reconciled. I suspect that will happen in the next 3 years if I follow the same path I have been on.

Posts: 308 | Registered: Jul 2012
Topic Posts: 9

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