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User Topic: How Long Does Thinking of the Affair Last?
Girlietoo
♀ Member
Member # 38719
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Daily? People still think about this daily, after years have passed?! I'm 8 months out and have been holding out for the day that I will go an entire 24 hrs without thinking about this. Some days I feel like there is no hope, that I will never have any peace :(


Me- 40
Him- 47
March 9, 2013- the day my heart died

Posts: 240 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
IndianDreams
♀ New Member
Member # 40991
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh God, I don't think I can cope with this pain for YEARS!
I expect it to hurt for a good while but not years. These people have no idea what they've done to us and most of them don't care, they must think we'll get over it in days or something.
A friend asked me if I'd stopped thinking about HIM the other day. It was a week after D-Day FFS!


It wasn't my fault; my bucket was broken
NC = no new hurts

Posts: 38 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: England
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Almost two years out and I still think about it daily. There are probably a lot of variables - the length of the A, the length of TT, how you found out, how long it took your spouse to get out of the fog, plus a million other intangibles. There are rules of thumb, such as 2-5 years to heal from the A from the last hurt (note that I didn't say get over it, the key word is heal). Everyone is different though.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3833 | Registered: Dec 2011
Drowninginitall
♀ Member
Member # 40968
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have no idea how long it lasts no idea if it will ever go away for me.
I still think of my husbands previous emotional affair and what was going on almost daily and that was three years ago. Today I am consumed with the current one.
I did find I was not obsessing over the other person and looking them up online after several months ( the first time). I did however think about it daily for a long long time.

Posts: 104 | Registered: Oct 2013
still2suspicious
♀ Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Although my Dday was 4 yrs ago, I feel that (thanks to SI) my "healing" didn't begin until last year, with MC.

It blips on my radar every day BUT when I am involved with something it quickly fades into the far background. I am also back to being able to immediately distract my thinking.

So although you may have daily glimpses of it, it may just be fleeting.

Strength to us all.


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1275 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
leakingheart85
♂ Member
Member # 9710
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am TWENTY THREE YEARS out from her betrayals.

I regret not divorcing immediately. We both would have been better off by moving on.

We have a marriage of "politeness" that has no purpose. We are too old to go our separate ways. Not financially practical.

To answer the question "How long does thinking of the affair last?"

Forever

[This message edited by leakingheart85 at 10:18 AM, October 29th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 463 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: Caribbean
heforgot
♀ New Member
Member # 40850
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Four years here and still thinking about it.


Me: BW, 44
Him: WH, 47
3 kids
Married 19 years
DDay 11/1/09
Status: R and more in love than before!

Posts: 48 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: USA
Ambergray
♀ Member
Member # 40778
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am also about 5 months out and have been having pretty good days up until this morning. I just lost it and screamed at the top of my lungs, and basically threw a tantrum like a little kid would. It was so primal and raw and my throat hurt afterwards.

What started it? Just allowing myself to think about everything that happened. It's kind of scary that 5 months later, I still have that much rage inside.


Me-38
WH-38
Dday June 2013

"What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you. Ralph Waldo Emerson


Posts: 86 | Registered: Sep 2013
WaryOptimist
♀ Member
Member # 19911
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm clocking 7 years, and it's still a daily thought. Not on the level of bringing me to my knees, or spiking my heartrate, but it is, and will always be, a permanent part of our/my history.
It sucks bigtime.


Me: The faithful one
Him: WS
4 great kids
Married 28 years, together 36
D-Day: April 1, 2006 (yep, April Fool's Day...)
Aaaaaas Yoooouuu Wiiiiiish...

Posts: 648 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Here & There
Whatdoido333
♀ Member
Member # 36597
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Almost 4 years out and I still think about it often. I think the big problem is that WH still works with OW and he brings up her name about once a month or so. This past month has been much more often.
There is still phone contact so I'm now thinking I'm not a good one to actually answer this question.

Posts: 118 | Registered: Aug 2012
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

well, I see it as thinking about it every day if married to him or divorced. would probably be the same.


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 48
him: 52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4685 | Registered: Dec 2010
heartache101
♀ Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am 20+ years and it is there daily but nothing like it use to be. I don't think about what I should of could of would of! Atleast maybe once a year if that. It is what it is. I didn't do it.. OMG I would of died of I touched something so damn nasty!!! Ewww..That is all on him!
Oh it gets comical as they age Seriously.. Of course I get older too but I look good(I get compliments all the time)them ummmm Ewwwww.. Yeah I know a little vain but that is ok...I have earned my stripes
All I can say is honey live life well..Don't concentrate on them and what they did. Think positive and positive things happen..It is hard those first 2 years I choked on it. Now it just is. I am glad I am me!
I pray your heart hurts less and your mind focuses on the positive in your life..


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3186 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

19+ years since D-Day 1 and 17+ years since D-Day2 and it still comes to mind each day, but there's a big difference between then and now. I heard a pastor once say that the pains of the past are like bees that buzz around you but they no longer have stingers.

Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am TWENTY THREE YEARS out from her betrayals.
I regret not divorcing immediately. We both would have been better off by moving on.

We have a marriage of "politeness" that has no purpose. We are too old to go our separate ways. Not financially practical.

To answer the question "How long does thinking of the affair last?"

Forever

18 years since dday here. I think about her LTA many times a day.

But the pain that goes with those thoughts has dulled. Yours will too.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3418 | Registered: Sep 2007
bitterbetrayal
♀ Member
Member # 26326
Frustrated  Posted: 2:47 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

4 years on and still think about it every day


ME.BS 55
Him.WS 55 and a priest!
D-DAY 12/07/09
D-DAY-2 14/08/09
MARRIED 25 YEARS ON 25/08/09
BEEN TOGETHER 28 YEARS
TWO CHILDREN 20 and 22.

Posts: 159 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
hoya96
♀ Member
Member # 28851
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am a little over 3 years out, and while I think of it daily, it's usually because the OW is now my children's stepmother and I still have to deal with ex and OW so much.

However, there have been stretches, particularly in the summer when I have my kids for a couple weeks with no interference or last spring break when I took my kids away, that I probably went an entire 36-48 hours with NO negative thoughts. I can see that once my kids are grown, I think it will be MUCH better.

I've done a lot of therapy, though.


Me: 40 and fabulous!
3 children ages 10, 12 and 14
Out of blue ex said he wanted separation 2/14/10
DDay #1: 5/23/10 18 month affair with his 22 yr old paralegal
DDay #2 9/22/10 my best friend, now his wife
Divorced: 12/10/10
Re-married a wonde

Posts: 312 | Registered: Jun 2010
Truly
♀ Member
Member # 40715
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Daily. Yep. DD#1 Jan 2010.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling strong it just gives me a wry smile and I feel superior. Other days it takes hold of me and pulls me down.
I now feel a great deal of peace in the sure knowledge that I can survive just about anything and remain steadfast in my values.



There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
Charles Dickens


Posts: 257 | Registered: Sep 2013
Topic Posts: 37
Pages: 1 · 2

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