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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Anyone attended crazy expensive seminars?
Completelybroken
♀ Member
Member # 40051
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have seen posts about retrovaille weekends and the positive outcomes. But has anyone attended the seminars specifically for affairs such as healing from affairs by BAN or Emergency Marital Seminar by affair recovery or any others.
They all seem to cost $3000 on up. It won't hurt us financially to spend this money but I also don't want to be taken by false promises.
My H and I are doing okay we have a great MC that has us communicating about the A and My H is overall doing everything "right" and is willing to do anything.
So I guess my question is are they worth it and do they make a difference?


Me-BS 31
Him-FWH 37
Dday-7-6-13
EA-1yr
PA sex 3-4times over three months during the EA

Posts: 93 | Registered: Jul 2013
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump

Posts: 33738 | Registered: Mar 2011
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's 40 hours of MC sessions for us. I think price tag is excessive by almost an order of magnitude.

30 years ago I used t go to weekend 'marathons'. IIRC, the cost was 2X or 3X the cost of an individual session. They were probably worth 10X an individual session, so they were worth the cost. I have a hard time seeing how it would be worth $3,000, though.


fBH (me) - 65+, fWW (her) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9734 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
doesitgetbetter
♀ Member
Member # 18429
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My opinion of BAN.... it's a great way for a couple who went through infidelity to make a bunch of money telling other people their story. Period. They are not counselors, they are not licensed, and they walked through their own recovery in their own way. You know from reading these boards for more than 30 seconds that each of us has our own opinion, our own tolerance level, and our own ideas on what will work for our own marriage. Going to BAN would be much like sitting down with one of us for a weekend. Sure there are other couples who've been through infidelity sitting with you, but that doesn't matter.

IMO, I would never spend so much money to hear someone who doesn't have any counseling experience tell me how to heal my marriage or myself. I would much rather spend it on counseling.

Now, IMAGO retreats, THOSE are something I would happily give thousands to. Licensed counselors, teaches you how to communicate with each other effectively, AND deals with FOO issues. Seriously, if you are in the market for something intense, go to IMAGO. You can even get the books and do it alone at home, or follow up at home after the weekend, and you can even continue to see an IMAGO therapist after you get home too.


DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - FWS
Us - Committed
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10

Posts: 3859 | Registered: Feb 2008
morethantrying
♀ Member
Member # 40547
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We found a Gottman Couples weekend was not too expensive if you can do it...we flew to Seattle to do it...was very worth it and are now review all material...Gottman is a know, reputable researcher and has years of empirical research to back up what makes couples "work" well together. It is greatly helping us ...


Affairs - hard on us both - but love will win.
Me: BS 55
Him: WS 62
Married 32 yrs.
dday TT from 12/2012-2/2013)...

Posts: 263 | Registered: Sep 2013
sadsad
♀ Member
Member # 24400
Default  Posted: 2:36 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello everyone. I don't post much anymore but I continue to come on this site and it always continues to amaze me each time just how many of us have been hurt and destroyed by an affair. Yes, we did go the one of the BAN seminars, Healing From Affairs Intensives for Couples. I was very apprehensive about this but I had a remorseful FWH that was willing to do anything to try to help heal our marriage. I was one foot out the door and we were quite a ways out at that time. I have to say that that weekend helped us turn the corner. They KNOW of what they speak. Some of the exercises we did really helped my FWH understand why he did what he did and we were both stunned. It is also very nice to be in a room with both WS and BS at the same time and to see and hear the mindset of some of these people. It's also nice not to have to explain the hurt because most people there GET IT without explaining. You also break off into small groups where the WSís speak with the BSís and it is eye opening.
Is it expensive? Without a doubt! The work doesn't end when the weekend is over. We had a series of about 10 conference calls after the weekend with the people who were in attendance with us, itís a small group and you come to know them well. I became good friends with some of the people I met and stayed in contact with them for a long time. I don't know that it would work for everyone, you both have to be willing to pretty much open up to let it work. They also have some scholarships available for a certain number of people who can't afford the cost.
It's different for everyone but it worked for us. At least we were able to finally really talk about the affair. Did we still have bad days after we came home? Absolutely, but some of the things we learned helped us with those bad days. We had both been to both individual and couples counseling and while it did help, this was much more helpful. We are over three years out and I still have some bad days. I am fortunate that after a few bumps in the road in the beginning my WH wanted more than anything to try to save our marriage after what he had done. Most days I didnít want to save our marriage, I just didnít think I could do it. I have finally come to a place in my life that I feel if I donít forgive it is going to kill me. I am taking a leap of faith and we are renewing our wedding vows for our 25th wedding anniversary in Maui in January. I donít think an affair is something you ever ďget overĒ. My FWH is a different man in so many ways than before the affair. If this werenít the case I would be long gone. Wishing peace and healing to everyone.


Married 20 years
No children
Admitted texting and phone affair 2-09 TT until 4-09,found out PA. They dated in High School. PA lasted 7 months
We're in R after a very long road.
I will never be "over it" and don't know if I will ev

Posts: 128 | Registered: Jun 2009
sadsad
♀ Member
Member # 24400
Default  Posted: 2:54 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

By the way, this was a BAN seminar, it was the Healing From Affairs Weekend. I posted the wrong seminar name in the above post, sorry.


Married 20 years
No children
Admitted texting and phone affair 2-09 TT until 4-09,found out PA. They dated in High School. PA lasted 7 months
We're in R after a very long road.
I will never be "over it" and don't know if I will ev

Posts: 128 | Registered: Jun 2009
heforgotme
♀ Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If it won't hurt you financially, then why not try it out? I'm sure you can find reviews online (not posted by them) that will tell you if it's worthwhile.

We can't afford this, but if we could, I would do it.


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1064 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
Completelybroken
♀ Member
Member # 40051
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for the info- I guess I have some more internet searching to do some -of the ones y'all mentioned I haven't looked into


Me-BS 31
Him-FWH 37
Dday-7-6-13
EA-1yr
PA sex 3-4times over three months during the EA

Posts: 93 | Registered: Jul 2013
EaglesWings
♀ Member
Member # 41156
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Never posted here, have been reading for weeks. However had to sign-up to answer. WH and I went to BAN Healing Weekend 5 months after DDay. We are well known in a small town, so to protect our privacy I looked on-line. I found BAN. We started coaching through them and then went to the weekend.

Have to say the weekend jumpstarted our healing in the best way. WH got to hear from other BS the same things I had been trying to say, so he realized I was not crazy. You have the benefit of being away from home without all the "stuff" that gets in the way. You have the benefit of one-on-one and group sessions. The weekend moved us 9-12 months ahead in our counseling. Definitely worth the money. They do have scholarships available and there is a money back guarantee (never heard of that with MC). IMO


Just one beggar telling another beggar where to find bread....

Posts: 54 | Registered: Oct 2013
Topic Posts: 10

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