I have IC this afternoon and I want to discuss something with her but I need to make sure the way I explain it will get my point/feelings across clearly so that she can help me find the tools to fix it. I wondered if anyone would let me know how this sounds and if there's anything else I should add?
I don't feel like my infidelity is a usual case, not for the better or worse but because I feel like it's very very weird. This makes me feel like I am weird and I have difficulty listening to pieces of advice or drawing strength because I feel like I wasn't looking for the same thing a lot of other waywards were.
I've been working on my coping mechanisms because that seems to be the (main) root of my problems and I'm definitely starting to learn some new skills and recognise myself slipping into something unhealthy. This is all great and at times I feel almost pleased with myself for doing it which I know sounds crazy by the way.
Learning new skills and realising my own coping skills are toxic is great for me, my children and my husband but it means that I have new feelings I've never felt before and the overwhelming feeling is sort of 'what am I'. I'm reaching a point of not so much thinking 'why', I've learned why, now I'm wondering how I ever could do it and why I hadn't noticed my coping skills were so terrible.
This all makes me feel lonely and anxious because just as a human being some things I've done, thought processes I've had make me sort of less human or at least lacking humanity.
I'm wondering if I say all this, I'll get my point across? To be clear, I don't feel sorry for myself, I don't hate myself either although of course there are choices I've made that I hate.
I want to figure out a way to fix this thought process.
All opinions and advice are welcome, even if it's just to get a grip.