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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Why doesn't anyone talk about this?
Vulcanized
♀ Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

People wouldn't be so quick to dismiss your pain.

I think sometimes our pain makes them uncomfortable, so that is the response you get. Just ... stop. Go away.

I feel like I'm owed a box of chocolates, a few hugs, and some days off to get my shit straight!

Instead of the actual time of years to 'get over it'. (I realize that is out of context, but seems somewhat apt to the discussion).

I believe a lot of it is because people think they will "catch" infidelity somehow and don't even want the thought of it to seep into their marriages. So what they do is ignore it and downplay your hurt.

Abso-fucking-lutely. I saw that one first hand, having lost ALOT of friends once XH's A became public knowledge. Also got the sense that since XH's A "happened" (as in 'you know, it just happened'), I must have deserved it. I think that since the WW (generally speaking) is so busy justifying to anyone who will listen, it gets accepted as common knowledge.

I have a few friends who've split in the same period as me. My (now former) friends were the cheaters. The shit that would come out of their mouth as to why they were FORCED TO CHEAT. Mind you, these were long term friends who knew that I had just separated from XH and the reason why. And they are listing 4000 reasons to justify their shit behaviour.

They are VERY uncomfortable with the thought of their own spouse doing it, or the fact that they themselves have already done it or have been tempted to do it. I hear many people say..."My spouse would NEVER cheat on me because our marriage is so good."

That one kills me. I've only heard it from smug married women. I simply reply "I thought that too". I think that if I had of at least considered the possibility of XH's cheating, I may have caught it way sooner. Once you have that idea in your head, that your spouse would NEVER cheat, you're setting yourself up for trouble. I think that's why other ppl get so uncomfortable. They don't want anything threatening the little protective bubble in their brain.

I think it is important to talk about it. Ppl on the whole are so mis-educated on the subject. I talked about it a lot at first, b/c I refused to take any of the blame for XH's A. I was never ashamed, it'd like being embarrassed that I was in an earthquake or something.

eta: oopsie on the formating

[This message edited by Vulcanized at 5:06 PM, October 16th (Wednesday)]


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
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Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Once you have that idea in your head, that your spouse would NEVER cheat, you're setting yourself up for trouble.

Absolutely! I was one of those people who thought their H could NEVER do that. As I look back, there were so many signs he may as well have had it written on his forehead.

I think it is important to talk about it. Ppl on the whole are so mis-educated on the subject. [/quote

Me too!!!!


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
Topic Posts: 22
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