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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Being Away From My Child
coldshot
♂ New Member
Member # 40882
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I posted a brief summary of situation previously, and I am having a real hard time with it. I am 6 hours away from my DD6 and STBXWW and feel trapped. I stayed in our home state temporarily to support my family until my WW started to generate some income (we moved to allow her an opportunity to start her business). She decided to start an A and expose our child to the OM... easy to do as I am not there all the time. I filed for D and am paying CS and SS.
I now visit my DD every other weekend, and I plan to move there or get her back here if I can. I may seek custody but it will be a difficult battle.
In the meantime I am sick at the thought that I am far from my DD and my WW is doing God knows what...
EOW is so hard and I feel like I have failed my daughter... she cries when I leave and it is all I can do to get in the car to go.
I don't think my WW can make it financially where she is, but I don't want to play a waiting game. I cant afford to move yet as I am carrying all of our debt as well as 1/2 the rent and CS.
I have nightmares that I will lose that bond with my daughter that comes from everyday contact and this POS OM will be spending more time with my child than I will --- no matter where I live!! I am heartbroken but dealing as best I can. Need some strength. Thank you all for shoulders to cry on.

[This message edited by coldshot at 11:59 AM, October 15th (Tuesday)]


"The liar's punishment is, not in the least that she is not believed, but that she cannot believe anyone else." -- George B. Shaw

Posts: 33 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: coldshot
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your situation is heartbreaking. What does your attorney say you can do to expedite reunification with your DD?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8778 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
coldshot
♂ New Member
Member # 40882
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks NG,
She doesn't say much about expediting it... a custody battle will be tough but I do have plenty of evidence of the A and the exposure to my DD. My WW has also done a very poor job of homeschooling--- a big deal to me and my attorney as far as custody. My WW has been the primary caretaker though.


"The liar's punishment is, not in the least that she is not believed, but that she cannot believe anyone else." -- George B. Shaw

Posts: 33 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: coldshot
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry. I cannot even imagine how it must feel to be the betrayed spouse and to be separated from your child. ((coldshot))


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1514 | Registered: Aug 2010
ideservebetter45
♀ Member
Member # 36951
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i just wanted to say im sorry. I have my dd most of the time..wh has her all day Sunday.I hate it..hate splitting up weekends,holidays,birthdays..all of it.I didnt sign up to be a part time mom..stay strong!

Posts: 124 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: ideservebetter45
rainagain
♀ Member
Member # 14917
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Cold)))
what is the situation about visitation? Is it possible for your dd to come visit you on the other weekends while you are waiting to move closer? Are your orders temporary or permanent? Are you able to talk to XWW about dd's feelings about the situation?


Now, faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see. Heb 11:1
I done been through the pain and the sorrow the struggle is nothing but love. Maino
Me: Divorced BS 49
DS22, DD19, DS17

Posts: 1277 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Massachusetts
Heal&Deal
♀ Member
Member # 30910
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This sucks and nothing replaces being there with DD, but maybe there are some things you can do to help stay connected.

Some ideas:

1) Address and stamp some envelopes for her to send drawings or school work she is proud of.

2) Does she have an IPod or something she can FaceTime you with? My DS3 can answer FaceTime calls from his grandparents. He loves it.

3) Buy an age appropriate puzzle and send a few pieces at a time, so she can slowly put it together.

4) Check out this website: http://mychildmymilitary.com/. It has stories you can read with her and games you can play online with your DD. It was designed for military parents to stay connected with their young kiddos during deployments. Sometimes it is hard to have a real conversation with a young child but playing a game together or being able to read a book together might help you spend QT together from a distance.

So sorry you are separated from your DD. Biggest of hugs to you.


Posts: 896 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: USA
coldshot
♂ New Member
Member # 40882
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the replies... I really appreciate it. I talk to her at least a few times a week, though she is not always excited about being on the phone--- even when she is with me and has to call her mom, so I don't take it personally. My employer is awesome, and I work overtime every other week and use the hours for time off to see her. I see her EOW for three days, and I am trying to make the best of it for now. My STBXWW is usually good about maintaining contact, but likes to torture me sometimes but not responding to my "goodnight texts"- I draw a little picture on an app on my phone and text it to DD every night so she knows I am thinking about her. Drawing together is something we have always done since she was little. My wife, like most narcissistic, unremorseful, deluded and angry POS WS's can be vindictive.. "oh we fell asleep so she didn't see your text, we were watching a movie, DD was at the neighbor's (so I could go fuck my loser AP)..." Very hurtful and infuriating. It sickens me to think of what my daughter has been and probably will be exposed to.
I really am at a loss right now emotionally because this has been so hard. My WW can go to hell, but my DD... she is actually getting me through this. I just can't believe I will never wake up with her every morning, read to her every night, etc.
In my divorce filing I did state I am going for custody, but it will be uphill and I am not sure how traumatic for my DD-- she is close to her mom. She was however exposed to my WW's adultery in a most explicit way, I'll leave it at that. The OM does have quite the criminal history (no felonies though) and as I stated before my WW is doing a shit job of homeschooling. I am going to nip THAT in the bud. I would like to get my daughter back up here with me, and perhaps getting her in school down there may hurt my chances at custody but I will not sacrifice my DD's future. I will be closer to her soon, one way or the other. I just need to sort out this financial mess and decide my course of action in regards to custody. The custody/visitation is temporary and just between me and WW right now. My WW is terrified of me taking her to court... she has a lot of explaining to do. She vacillates from being nice to the nastiest so-and-so I ever imagined. She really wants to rush in to mediation, but I am letting my lawyer guide me-- she is good. My WW doesn't have counsel yet.

This whole thing is a real bitch.
Thanks for the great suggestions-- I like the stamped envelopes idea! I am looking at getting her a tablet to use for Skype as well.

[This message edited by coldshot at 11:45 PM, October 16th (Wednesday)]


"The liar's punishment is, not in the least that she is not believed, but that she cannot believe anyone else." -- George B. Shaw

Posts: 33 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: coldshot
Topic Posts: 8

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