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User Topic: Propositioned by a handsome, young man! I need your suggestions
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a (long) post about what xpos is still doing to me and how and why this feels like harassment and threats and makes me feel paranoid in my home.

Some situations have come up that mean that I will be gone, possibly for 6 months or more. That means I will not be in the area for him to harass. However, xpos still knows where I live. (In my other post, I told how he has come here while I was gone.)

This young man knows the whole situation here and his proposition is that he house-sit for me! That means the house will not be empty and available for him to tamper with things here and he will take care of things in my absence.

However, this does present a whole set of issues around him being in my house while I'm gone..... namely, MY things that will be left in the house and what he will bring with him, what he will use of my stuff and what I NEED to take with me of personal stuff. I trust him, but still.....

He and I are getting together to talk about this soon. What do I need to discuss with him, what do I need to be sure to take with me, what do I need to put in writing? And anything else??

I have had some suggestions by people about this, but they haven't been all that helpful as far as I'm concerned. I believe it may be because they are too close to it to be objective.

DS, who is reminding me more and more of xpos with some things he says and does, told me that the more he thinks about it, the more he thinks it's a terrible idea. But I haven't told him about what xpos is doing and will not discuss that issue with him.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2329 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would not leave any of my private or "precious" items in the home, I'd rent a storage unit & put them there.

How well do you know this guy? Have you run a full background check on him? Is he willing to put up some kind of money or bond or something?

Do you have friends or relatives who could/would stop by to have an eyes-on assessment of how well the property was being maintained while you were gone?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9665 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the suggestions. I really don't want to go the storage route, but might have to.

He comes with very good references and credentials. I have known some of his family for almost 30 years. He is my nephew's best friend. He is a security supervisor. A discussion of what I put in the other post led him to propose this. I don't discuss this with everyone. He has helped me in the past. (Young is relative - he is very young to me, but likely older than most of you! He is younger than all my children. )

He proposes to pay the utilities and services and give me rent in addition. That would help me a lot, too.

All this is complicated by the fact that I will be in several different places over the time I am away, so taking a lot will be difficult.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2329 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
hardtimesinlife
♀ Member
Member # 10468
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have friends who leave their homes for the summer and rent them out. It is customary for them to have one room that is locked. It's called the owners room. Some have a large walk in closet they put a deadbolt lock on. In it they store their liquor, special items, valuables and anything they don't want touched or broken. Funny story: One friend rented her condo but forgot to take her "intimate toys" out from under her bed and called me in a panic.

eta: I think having someone stay in your house is a wonderful idea. This young man sounds mature and respectful. Why does he not have a home, though? That would be my only concern. You can also have him run his free credit report and print it in your presence. That way you can look at it without paying for a credit check. I own rentals and this is how we check our prospective tenants. We read their report and they get to take it home - all for free.

[This message edited by hardtimesinlife at 6:55 PM, October 13th (Sunday)]


Ddays 2004 & 2007
I cut my losses mid 2013
Feeling happier every day :)

Posts: 6102 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Florida
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Safe deposit boxes aren't very expensive and can be rented for periods of time at banks in many areas.

I've done this and it's worked well.

We also have a "neighbor's association" of BS's who watch each other's homes when the other is away. We do this in favor of turn so that none have to pay and also do animal feeding or watch each other's kids in trade. We are some of like situations and it's worked well.

I also mention this to XPervert and it helped some things not walk away.

I also mentioned to the local police when I was out of town and some live in the neighborhood. I and I mentioned this casually to XPervert, too...it sure helped.

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 6:58 PM, October 13th (Sunday)]


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2229 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe we could work out something like that, hardtimes. Thanks. I trust him, but you never know who else may be around or what I could forget about. But, OMG! I bet your friend was really panicked! I wouldn't forget something like that!! (Hopefully!!)


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2329 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A safe deposit box is another good idea, Ashland. Thanks.

Most of the time I have a mutual arrangement like you described, but this time they will be gone away much of the same timeperiod. But if my young friend is here, I won't need that.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2329 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
millienotboo
♀ Member
Member # 22415
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And now you can get a dog! (As long as the young man wouldn't mind watching, caring for him!
All I can say is that a dog will bring more joy than anything else I can imagine. My little fur babies have gotten me through some really hard times


M-8 yrs together 11
Me-45 BW
Him-49-WH
D-Day 10-10-2008
In R

Posts: 756 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: South
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I got a dog, I would want to have it with me. I will be leaving soon and wouldn't have time to have one long enough to bond with it or train a young one. And one of the places I'm going, I definitely couldn't take a pet of any kind. Some day I will be in one place long enough, hopefully.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2329 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
Topic Posts: 9

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