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User Topic: Mom Question
fireproof
♀ Member
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I noticed this other day a Mom shopping with 5 kids. Relaxed and 2 were under 5.

I never had the courage to ask but I think something is wrong with my thinking so any advice would be great!

How do you have endurance to be a parent? I looked at that woman and she wasn't worried. I know with one child I keep an eye out etc.

Is it that I have motherhood wrong- I worry there isn't the right activity and I get tired if I am around small children all day. I see these parents who don't seem they are into in their words their kids but can do it everyday and do it well.

I worry a lot that I am just a boring parent. That I don't have anything interesting to offer.

Thank you for listening.


Posts: 1016 | Registered: Jul 2012
philly172
♀ Member
Member # 19024
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

honestly? You probably caught her on a good day.. I had 3 kids in 5 years & some days they were behaving, others they were running around the store like banshees

As for your parenting, I was told many years ago by my wise old Grandmother that if you are questioning if you are parenting right, then you are! you care enough to worry about being a good parent..

Believe me my kids are grown ( for the most part; (21(next week), 19 & 16 ( next month) ) & even now there are days I think I did/do a horrible job as a parent.. The shoulda woulda couldas hit..but then I look at my 21YO who has NEVER did drugs or drank (& doesn't want to) I look at my 19YO who goes to college & works until 10pm most every night (he in work study at school so to him it isn't work as he's doing what he loves) & my 16YO who will confide many things in me that most teen girls wouldn't.. & I know I've done a pretty good job.. not sure if it's because of me or in spite of me..


"Sorry" works when a mistake is made, but not when trust is broken. So in life, make mistakes, but never break trust. Because forgiving is easy, but forgetting & trusting again is sometimes impossible

Posts: 4787 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Not in Philly.. it's just a screen name :-)
Gottagetthrough
Member
Member # 27325
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

if you are questioning if you are parenting right, then you are! you care enough to worry about being a good parent..

YES!

and I agree, you probably caught her on a good day. see her tomorrow, he kids could be running wild with her screaming.


Posts: 1412 | Registered: Jan 2010
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The other thing is some of us are better parents to infants than toddlers, or teens than Tweens. I was a horrible stressed out, uptight mom o newborns an honestly did not find much joy in that. I loved that 7-14 month time frame an had a blast, I dreaded and had not a lot of fun with the 3's. My point is there are different times we enjoy more than others. But parenting is a challenge. As Long as you love them and make sure they know it, and take a breath to enjoy it then you are doing it right.

We all make mistakes my goal is to not screw them up more than my parents did me.

[This message edited by tushnurse at 10:22 AM, October 12th (Saturday)]


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8744 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
PhoenixRisen
Member
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I only have two kids but had to drag my 5 year old child out from under the supermarket's checkout conveyer belt the other day. Then carry him to the car (with my bags) as he continued to throw a screaming fit over a Popsicle.

Sure wasn't boring


Posts: 501 | Registered: Jun 2012
TattoodChinaDoll
♀ Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think, for me at least, it's that I don't have a fear of trying new things/routines/disciplines and I don't fear failing because I know there is something else. It's probably because I'm a teacher and I understand learning styles. And even as adults how many times do we not understand something but then someone uses a totally different example then we get it. So I've always tried different things with my kids who have different personalities and figured out what works the best for them to keep them from exploding. It gives the illusion that I don't want to sell them to pirates on some days. The words, "you're lucky we are in public right now," has crossed my lips plenty of times!


Me (BW): 32
WH: 34 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 3, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011


Posts: 1729 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
UnexpectedSong
♀ Member
Member # 21761
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

With one child, you are super paranoid because you think everything is a result of what you do.

As soon as you have more than one, you realize how little control you actually have, so you just let go. For example, I only pay attention to the child who is bleeding. As a result, I am much more relaxed with them. Plus, my autistic 10-year-old throws huge tantrums every now and then in public and I always expect that someone will call the police on me. But, I will not keep him hidden - how would he learn to behave at the store if not at the store?

My attitude is... Any day the police isn't called on me is a good day.


WW(SA)
"Feedback is the breakfast of champions." - Boris Becker

Posts: 6102 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: California
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I grew up with a ton of brothers and sisters. I was the oldest, so I was substitute mom when my parents were at work. When I had my own kids, it didn't seem as scary since I'd already done a lot of it before.
The things I learned early (via my parents and own experience) is that you have to set boundaries starting VERY young. The scene with the relaxed mom in the store with 5 kids WAS my mom. Before we even hit the store, she put the fear of god into us. Act out and I'm gonna stomp a mudhole in you. Ok, not in those exact words, but we were put on notice!
I used a lot of the same with my own kids and never had tantrums or incidents where they were running wild in the store. It simply wasn't acceptable behavior and they grew up understanding that.

No one is perfect and we all make mistakes parenting. Add to that each child is different and where The Look might work with one child, the other might laugh it off. You have to find what works.


Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6597 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
fireproof
♀ Member
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great advice! Thank you! I suppose confidence can make all the difference

Thanks to all the SI support!


Posts: 1016 | Registered: Jul 2012
Topic Posts: 9

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