The next day she emailed the OM and said "Hi how are you? Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you, have a good day."

That was the way she said she was going to end it. She said she didn't want him emailing her and thinking anything was out of the ordinary or he would've blown her phone up.

Wayward's say and do the darndest things I'll tell you!

It really makes me laugh that she expected me to believe that she was breaking it off with him coincidentally right before I found out. She sticks to this story to this day. Honestly it doesn't make me laugh it makes me sick to think about.

BULLSHIT!

That is all. Thank you.

Grrr....No. I think he was tired of the charade. I think he really did realize she wasn't the person he thought she was. But I don't think he was man enough to break it off with her or else he would have. I think he wanted to get caught so that he didn't have to do it himself. THAT'S why he kept going over there in the middle of the day even after I told him people saw his truck over there and he denied it to me. On some level, he KNEW I was going to check up on him. He has yet to admit to it, but I know him well enough to know that is exactly what he was doing.

It's amazing how they go from thinking they're so smart when they're cheating to being the village idiot when they're caught.

As Yoda says, "Do or do not. There is no try."

In our case, it did turn out that H wanted to end the affair, but it certainly wasn't his first priority (that was covering his ass).

He no longer gives me that crap about trying to end it. He tells the truth--he would have liked it to end, as long as he didn't have to take any responsibility for his actions or suffer any consequences. But since OW was a hot mess who might tell their boss or me, the affair went on.

During that exchange she talked about how she couldn't be ok with just being friends and that this had been the worst break up of her life, by far.

I realize she is only 23 but to think 3 weeks of heavy petting in the front seat of a married man's car constitutes a relationship tells me she needs to live a little.

Incidentally, that was the only text message exchange he didn't immediately delete.

I think this is part of the WS self-delusion. If they tell themselves this it makes them feel better about themselves. It has no relationship to the reality of the deception.

The reality is that he was tired of the AP, wanted to put it on hold (until the spring when he would have good excuses to "work" at our cottage), then start it up again because the AP was "good for a jump". I found a typed message he had shredded alluding to contacting the AP in the spring the day after Dday. I am convinced that he would have continued to seek out women on line and probably have one-night stands. I think he learned from the relationship with the AP that keeping "it" happy was too much work. To his credit, he has never had contact with the AP since Dday-not a peep.

I still don't believe that the AP was the only extramarital A he had; this is why I'm not fully committed to R.

[This message edited by struggling16 at 8:09 AM, October 14th (Monday)]

So the other ONS do not matter to you? But the one where he was in for 3 months is the question you are asking?

Every relationship outside our marriage matters. The other people were short enough term where there was no "breakup necessary" as there was no illusion of a relationship.

Apparently aborting (or claiming to abort) his baby against his wishes a week before that wasn't enough reason.

Apparently d-day wasn't enough for that matter because he took the A underground.

That right there tells me it's B.S. Because if you want to break up with someone, either of those reasons is something with teeth in it.

It's frighten lines. Part of the script.

But he talked to her leading up to DDay. Including the night before DDay, which was the night before our first couples counseling.

The next night, after I'd found out about her, I called her using his phone. She answered so fast, sounding so excited - breaks my heart to this day.

3 weeks later he emailed her to say happy birthday and that he had a gift for her for 4 months out (symphony tickets) and that he hoped one day they could figure out what it all meant for them.

No, it's bullshit when they say that.

"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past."

He told me he had come to this realization in early June...after we had an opportunity to reconnect when neighbors took our kids for a couple nights.

The following week, he was hospitalized, and I scampered to find someone to take our kids, then rushed to be with him...not wanting to leave, even for a minute, until I could talk with the doctors.

He was texting her the entire time.

In mid-July, I discovered a text thread dated June 24th...he was telling her he couldn't stop thinking about her, asked if she was topless, had dug up old negatives from when they dated and converted them to pictures on his laptop.

I found no evidence that he was trying to end it, or that he would have if he hadn't been caught.

It breaks my heart whenever I think that it would probably still be going on to this day had I not figured it out on my own.

[This message edited by kickboxer at 11:24 PM, October 13th (Sunday)]