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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 15
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, November 10th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tred, I wore the uniform for awhile myself. Thank you for your service. Please pass this along to your son from me...


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3365 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
ontheslope
♂ Member
Member # 40574
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, November 10th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tomorrow is Veterans Day. I wore the uniform for a while. Never used it to advance my status with women. I wore it for what I could do for the colors, not what they could do for me. My wife's AP was the opposite. He used it as a transference of what honorable people did before him to give himself legitimacy. I hate those kind of fuckers. National guard sergeant whose wife paid the bills.

Ditto - AP was Navy. And his uniform was one of the things that my W mentioned in that fateful email on DDay. Cause, you know, all men look good in a uniform. You know those Navy boys - any port in a storm, they say, even my W's honey hole, apparently.

I will say my silent salute to all of the veterans tomorrow, at least, I will include all of those who served with honor and dignity. Except him. I hope he dies on some foreign shore and through some clerical error is forgotten and erased from history.

Side note - I spent a couple hours splitting wood yesterday ol' school style; with an ax. I am sore as all hell today, but I will say that I don't think there are any more therapeutic activities, especially if you have some aggression to get out. Just picture the AP's face on every piece of wood, and you'll never miss. I sure didn't.

[This message edited by ontheslope at 6:02 PM, November 10th (Sunday)]


Me: BH, 35
Her: WW, 36
Two girls 7 & 10
Married 12 years
Dday: July, 2009

She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.


Posts: 255 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Maine, USA
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, November 10th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Brandon - raising it like a rose and dropping it like a sack of shit to you mate.

You know those Navy boys - any port in a storm

I do. USN for 5 years, 2 different ships, probably saw 20 something countries. There were quite a few who fit that description. And there were mates of mine who didn't, like me, but when we got back into port found out our wives were sampling the local fare while we were gone. It's just a generalization like a pool boy. Unfortunately, there are people who serve to use the uniform as a prop.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3305 | Registered: Dec 2011
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, November 10th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I watched the live stream of the Doolittle raiders last toast. 3.
http://www.af.mil/live.aspx

There are no words written in all the world.


Posts: 6021 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Merlin
♂ Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, November 10th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was a Navy diver for six years.

I was single then.

No port in any storm, not even the plentiful hookers in every port.

I did it to serve. Yes, I was weird.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/56 Me: BS/62, 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1106 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
flup
♂ Member
Member # 21259
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, November 10th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Semper Fidelis

An odd Latin term to those who haven't worn the Eagle, Globe and Anchor... And yet a phrase that resonates more with me now than it ever has before. While those whom I trusted the most, who I had the most faith in, betrayed me, I held - and still hold - to my ideals.

Happy 238th birthday fellow Devil-Dogs - from an old-corps BS.


Me: BS 55
Her: fWW 50

D-Day #1: 12 Aug. 2008. WW's 2nd affair w/college teacher.
D-Day #2: 18 June 2009. Affair #1 with neighbor was fall of 2002 - while I was coping with the fallout from 9/11.
Still trying to R.
22 years married


Posts: 426 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Ohio
DefeatedDad
♂ Member
Member # 41026
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, November 10th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by DefeatedDad at 4:26 PM, November 11th (Monday)]


Me - BS 46
Wife - WS 44
Son 13, Daughter 17
Married 22 years
D-day May 16, 2012
TT D-Day 2 9/25/17
TT D-Day 3 1/02/14

Divorcing her sorry a--.


Posts: 217 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: New Mexico
Crumbled324
♂ Member
Member # 33902
Default  Posted: 5:13 AM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My humble thanks and respect to those of you here that have served.

My humble thanks and respect to those of you that are also serving HERE in these forums.


BH: 45
fWW: 44
Beautiful 7 year old daughter
Married 21 years, Together 27 - High School Sweethearts
Reconciling

Posts: 84 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Michigan
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by jjct at 7:24 AM, November 11th (Monday)]


Posts: 6021 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
numb&dumb
♂ Member
Member # 28542
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Veterans Day. I thank all who have served our great nation.

"Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few."

-Winston Churchill


Me-35 her-35

DS 1, DD 6
Dday 8/31/11. ONS that occurred 3 years earlier. Lied to for 3 years.

Every truth comes to light in a long enough timeline.


Posts: 2457 | Registered: May 2010
PowerGlo
♂ Member
Member # 34132
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Guys need some advice. The STBXWW moved out of the house and in with AP #1. When she moved out she told my boys not to tell me where she moved. In essence just more of the same out of her telling my boys itís okay to hold a secret from their father. Anyway, every once in awhile I would ask my boys the question of where she moved in order to relieve them of their burden if keeping a secret. She has a restraining order against me so I donít have any correspondence with her. So over the weekend the coward AP calls me and leaves me a threatening voice mail telling me I donít need to be interrogating my boys, hoping we can be civil about all this but if not then we can meet somewhere to discuss. My dilemma is this: I donít care one iota that she lives with him, I donít care where she lives, but I do care about her telling the boys to keep another secret from me. I donít want to waste my time or energy to have anything to do with her AP or her for that matter. So what should I do about the threat? Ignore it? Tell my attorney? Tell her to tell him? Need some help because today is 2 years since D-Day and Iíve been able to move on but they keep trying to drag me back into their black hole of scum.

Also Happy Veterans day to all of you who served for our great country.


Married 27 years...
DDay #1 11/11/11 - AFF profile with 10-15 boy toys.
DDay #2 1/13/2012 - still at it with the AFF boys.
1/17/2014 - Divorced
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life


Posts: 133 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: NW Indiana
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Couple of things.

First, Thank you Vets for all that you sacrificed to defend my rights and freedoms. Above and beyond one and all. I will add a caveat, to those who choose to abuse the privilege of serving with those who stand and serve with honor, please, get out of the service. The men and women who serve faithfully deserve better.

Second, DD, in my earlier reply to you my post was not very clear. I divorced my first wife Skippy(cause she spread so easily) and never looked back. I'm trying to reconcile with my second wife.

Third, PG, ignore. Save the VM. They aren't worth the time it takes to become concerned with their actions.

Again, thanks to the Vets among us.

BTW, Those currently serving have my full admiration also and Thank You to you as well!


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
ďI have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.Ē
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2071 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy 238th birthday fellow Devil-Dogs - from an old-corps BS.

Happy belated Bday to you too flup...Semper Fidelis.

And thanks to all the vets. In a time where it's commmon place to take take take, you gave back instead.

PG,
I would think you have a right to know where your kids are when they are not with you (not sure what your custody arrangment is though). I would talk to your attorney to press for that and give the AP crickets. He's a POSER that doesn't deserve your headspace.
Also, your kids definitely do not deserve to be put in a place to keep secrets. On the other hand I think you should stop asking your boys for any information. I realize it's frustrating being in the dark but it puts them in a position where they feel they have to pick sides. That is very damaging to them. You might consider letting your boys know that you know the position they are in and how difficult it must be for them. I think if you can let them know you are ok regardless of whether they tell you or not, it will help relieve the stress for them. I know this sucks. Sorry you have to deal with that.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have any of you menz read No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert A. Glover? I've been working on some issues and think this might be a good read for me.

Any thoughts?


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
numb&dumb
♂ Member
Member # 28542
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The more years I add to my life, the more I am realizing that nice guys finish is more accurate than I want it to be. I struggle to argue that it isn't true when I see too much anecdotal evidence to the contrary. Most women will tell you it is true, but again, they haven't had to live life as a man either.

I have not ready the book, but will definitely look for it.


Me-35 her-35

DS 1, DD 6
Dday 8/31/11. ONS that occurred 3 years earlier. Lied to for 3 years.

Every truth comes to light in a long enough timeline.


Posts: 2457 | Registered: May 2010
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

RyeBread, I read it a few years ago and I recommend it. I know it has helped a lot of men tremendously.

Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mrs. Kite has asked me this dumb question many times, "Why can't you just be nice?" What does being "nice" actually mean? Does it mean that everyone around you gets to say and do whatever they want no matter how much pain it causes you, and you don't get to respond accordingly? If that's the case then no thank you. On the other hand being a mean, rude, vengeful son-of-a-bitch isn't the way to go either. There is, or at least should be, a happy medium.

Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert A. Glover

read it a couple of years ago as a part of my healing. Not all of it applied to me, but enough did to make it worth the cost from Amazon.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
MoreWould
♂ Member
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I recommend it, and if it resonates, check out Anthol Kay's work in a similar vein.

Basic concept is what women say they want and what they are biologically programmed to respond to is not the same. Not their fault exactly, it is a social construct (that has it's own legitimate reasons) but still there.

In our case, I was damned close to the perfect "modern husband" and we had a great M. Didn't stop my W from screwing a POSER at work. When I asked her why she did it, the best explanation she could come up with was she was "just having a little fling, no reason."

Right, you would risk a great marriage, and damage a great (her own words) guy for NO REASON?

I was so nice, it never occurred to her that I would be hurt, or might leave her over something like this. She was shocked.

It's good to be nice. But it is bad to be be nice about everything. A's are something we should not be nice about.


Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 347 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for all the feedback.

I think what drew me to this book were multiple conversations I've had with people who tell me I am too nice or what nice guy I am. I wonder how much of it is something I encourage through lack of boundaries, FOO issues, etc. I have a generous and kind personality but have a hard time knowing when to turn that off, or at the very least moderate it in intimate relationships.

And MAYBE I am just a nice guy and got myself mixed up with a complete NPD'd succubus whore the last 12 yrs. Either way I'd hate to have a repeat of that and hoped this book might give me some insight into myself and areas I can improve on. Long story short, I need to find better ways to look out for ME.

[This message edited by RyeBread at 1:25 PM, November 11th (Monday)]


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
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