Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: SoCalBoy (43217)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 15
Distraut
♂ Member
Member # 38655
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sal1995 I rushed through the process to protect myself and my children.I was unsure of myself but had very good advisers.The reason for my uncertainty was i know my XWW is mentally ill and I vowed sickness and in health.the day after DDay she said "you wont D me you dont believe in it".I said "I dont but im going to cause I cant fix a M with 3 people in it."
I find it so shitty that they are addicted to their Affair partner my XWW's whole family has addictive personality.
I envy you guys who know the affair was a deal breaker.I am growing more that way daily.I was very codependent I now realize.
But I think deep down if the switch that flipped in her would flip back I would try to R.Even though I dont know if I could do it she is repulsive to me as of late.
I was dating over the summer and the girl was affraid my XWW would try to R.Before that I would have said Hell NO!.Then I thought about it and it scared me cause Ive talked to a few guys who moved on and found someone new then their WW tried to come back.I honestly dont know what I would do.


Me47 BS
Her WW40
DD13
DS11
D Day 02/16/13
Married 15 years
divorced 04/02/2013
Moving on!

I asked her if she felt any remorse she said "I cry in the shower"


Posts: 120 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: midwest
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just get to pay for it.

Lately that's really been eating at me. The fake boobs, the part time work for no rational reason, then not working at all so she can "figure out what she wants to do" (pole dancing on another man's junk worked it's way into that one), etc. are all really starting to add up in my head. I think about the wasted money and I get even more pissed. She's put us through a lot of financial stress over her "needs".


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Distraut
♂ Member
Member # 38655
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tred I get that its not always about the beer.I use it for the same distraction.As of late I was doing way to much of it. Im trying to get back to 2 a day.
I was trying to keep up with a much younger woman and found my blood pressure wouldnt let me.So Im toning down on both counts.


Me47 BS
Her WW40
DD13
DS11
D Day 02/16/13
Married 15 years
divorced 04/02/2013
Moving on!

I asked her if she felt any remorse she said "I cry in the shower"


Posts: 120 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: midwest
Distraut
♂ Member
Member # 38655
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry double post

[This message edited by Distraut at 11:06 AM, November 1st (Friday)]


Me47 BS
Her WW40
DD13
DS11
D Day 02/16/13
Married 15 years
divorced 04/02/2013
Moving on!

I asked her if she felt any remorse she said "I cry in the shower"


Posts: 120 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: midwest
Distraut
♂ Member
Member # 38655
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My XWW has wanted a tummy tuck for years Im damn glad I didnt spring for that.


Me47 BS
Her WW40
DD13
DS11
D Day 02/16/13
Married 15 years
divorced 04/02/2013
Moving on!

I asked her if she felt any remorse she said "I cry in the shower"


Posts: 120 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: midwest
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know, I am beginning to think that plastic surgery in a marriage means = I don't care if you are happy with the way I look, I want others to be happy about the way I look.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's put us through a lot of financial stress over her "needs".

Yep. As an added bonus, I found out about a secret credit card that my wife neglected to pay as of late. I asked for the statements, and quickly identified a $58 charge for OM's Christmas present (guess he wasn't worth that much to her after all). But it's been accruing interest since Dec. '12 and she's a SAHM/ part-timer in my office, so I guess the final indignity will be me paying off POSER's Christmas present. I think I'll deduct the amount, plus interest, from whatever amount I would have spent on WW this Christmas season. Sounds fair to me.

I'm not sure what bothers me most - the betrayal, or the stupidity. You really can't make this stuff up. My life has become a Lifetime movie.

ETA: "You know, I am beginning to think that plastic surgery in a marriage means = I don't care if you are happy with the way I look, I want others to be happy about the way I look."

Yep, great point Rye. My wife was all into working out during her affair. Now that she has only her husband to impress? Not so much. Not at all actually. I guess it's way more important to try to look nice for a man who's doing his best to destroy your marriage and break up your family.

[This message edited by Sal1995 at 11:26 AM, November 1st (Friday)]


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine is flat-chested and over the years has repeatedly mentioned that she wanted to get implants. I've always said "no" because of the possible health dangers, even though I enjoy boobs as much as the next guy. This conversation first began during her A's and right after she hit 40. At least I didn't have to pay for something that other guys would have enjoyed on my dime.

Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
DefeatedDad
♂ Member
Member # 41026
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wife was all into working out during her affair. Now that she has only her husband to impress? Not so much. Not at all actually. I guess it's way more important to try to look nice for a man who's doing his best to destroy your marriage and break up your family.

My wife got in shape and lost a ton of weight while going through the e-mail/sexting portion of her affair and made sure she was in great shape when she and the OM started banging.

Since DDAy she has put on 20 pounds, while I have lost over 60 and am in the best shape of my life. For a while there a couple months ago she was really agitated about me hitting the gym and doing P90x so much. She was sure I was buffing up to go out and have a RA.


Me - BS 46
Wife - WS 44
Son 13, Daughter 17
Married 22 years
D-day May 16, 2012
TT D-Day 2 9/25/17
TT D-Day 3 1/02/14

Divorcing her sorry a--.


Posts: 217 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: New Mexico
nomoreplease
♂ Member
Member # 32755
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess my XWW was ahead of the curve. She started her A a few weeks before turning 30. And listening to you guys, Iím pretty glad Iím not going to be around to see what happens when she turns 40.
She's put us through a lot of financial stress over her "needs".
D is supposed to be a huge financial hit, and on paper it shouldíve been. I lost her income (she makes almost as much as me) and am living in the same house with all the same bills (minus her student loans). So it blows my mind that Iím better off financially now (D final for only ~4 months) than Iíve been since I married her. Iíve paid off debts that have been building and my savings is more now than it has been since we were Míed.


'one walks away saying "I fought to save God's ideal," and the other must always admit, "I fought to destroy God's ideal!"'

Posts: 343 | Registered: Jul 2011
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess it's way more important to try to look nice for a man who's doing his best to destroy your marriage and break up your family.

That's because the AP "appreciates" it more than us...when we say they look great it's because we have to. I don't want to get started on how much her A has cost us financially. New wardrobes, lingerie, cars, a nice chair I bought for her (use your imagination), jewelry, perfumes. We'd have that shed she's been bugging me to buy by now, that's for sure. But I can't be an asshole and point that out.

I'm ready for a coldie. Or 11.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3305 | Registered: Dec 2011
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess it's way more important to try to look nice for a man who's doing his best to destroy your marriage and break up your family.

This still bugs me, be six yrs this month.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
numb&dumb
♂ Member
Member # 28542
Shocked  Posted: 1:30 PM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Reading today I have learned two new things I need to be wary of. #1 if my W ever asks for cosmetic surgery, call the attorney and #2 the big 40.

Some days I just wonder if R has been worth it. What would have happened had I gone through with the D? Would I be happier today ?

My W is better, my M has always been good/same, I am way better mentally and my kids are definitely better off.

Days like today make it hard to look at my W and not remember the hell she put me through. I still ask her if she thinks she dodged a bullet. She says so and is so happy with her life today. Somedays I still feel like I got taken for a sucker. Everybody in my sitch seems better off than me.

Isn't letting go of the past supposed to bring more peace than this. Is forgiveness something you really do for you or was that just something people that need to be forgiven have come up with to justify their redemption ?

IDK. This sucks.


Me-35 her-35

DS 1, DD 6
Dday 8/31/11. ONS that occurred 3 years earlier. Lied to for 3 years.

Every truth comes to light in a long enough timeline.


Posts: 2457 | Registered: May 2010
DefeatedDad
♂ Member
Member # 41026
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Reading today I have learned two new things I need to be wary of. #1 if my W ever asks for cosmetic surgery, call the attorney and #2 the big 40.
Some days I just wonder if R has been worth it. What would have happened had I gone through with the D? Would I be happier today ?

My W is better, my M has always been good/same, I am way better mentally and my kids are definitely better off.

Days like today make it hard to look at my W and not remember the hell she put me through. I still ask her if she thinks she dodged a bullet. She says so and is so happy with her life today. Somedays I still feel like I got taken for a sucker. Everybody in my sitch seems better off than me.

Isn't letting go of the past supposed to bring more peace than this. Is forgiveness something you really do for you or was that just something people that need to be forgiven have come up with to justify their redemption ?

IDK. This sucks.

You know why it sucks?

Because those WW who were forgiven and not divorced, in the end, really lost nothing. They got to have their fun, got to have their romance, got to have their hot throbbing porno sex, got forgiven, got to keep their families, got to keep their sucker husbands, and got to keep their comfy lifestyles.

My wife lost nothing... except her good reputation. She is enjoying the same financial support and perks as she always has as my wife.

Me? I got unbearable pain, loss of self esteem, emasculation, nightmares, insomnia, higher blood pressure, debt, uncertainty, wildly fluctuating moods, doubt, distrust.... shall I go on?

I am still considering letting the D go on. I vascillate day to day. There is something telling me that I would be happier if I divorced her, but then I'm still in love with her. Sucks.


Me - BS 46
Wife - WS 44
Son 13, Daughter 17
Married 22 years
D-day May 16, 2012
TT D-Day 2 9/25/17
TT D-Day 3 1/02/14

Divorcing her sorry a--.


Posts: 217 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: New Mexico
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Times like that numb and dumb, I remind myself my kids are much better off, that is what really matters-they didn't ask to come into this world.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Mikey56
♂ Member
Member # 38063
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because those WW who were forgiven and not divorced, in the end, really lost nothing.

Do Trust, Respect, and Honor count?


Posts: 108 | Registered: Jan 2013
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do Trust, Respect, and Honor count?

They should! Do they count to a WW? I'm not so sure.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
MoreWould
♂ Member
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because those WW who were forgiven and not divorced, in the end, really lost nothing. They got to have their fun, got to have their romance, got to have their hot throbbing porno sex, got forgiven, got to keep their families, got to keep their sucker husbands, and got to keep their comfy lifestyles.

Long time survivor (35 yrs out), and a MH here with a different take.

First, WW did pay a heavy price in her personal self respect, she just hid it from me so well and for so long that I felt just like this until quite recently. And, if you really envy her for "having her fun" take a ride on the madhatter bus. I did. Trust me, that ticket carries a high price. Can any sex ever be hot enough to be worth a piece of your soul? We'd both say Not.

Second, on the money thing, it was like I won the lottery. FWW redirected all that inappropriate energy into a business career and hit it big with an IPO. We'd didn't join the "One Percent" or anything like that, but we are unlikely to ever want for food, fun, or shelter.

Somewhere at the intersection of One and Two are her FOO issues, that led to her A, and later to her success. I figure I did a little better than minimum wage on the time I spent suffering, but it's a job like any other.

Now, I have to go send some money to the college kid, finish up a Quote to a new customer and it will be time to "Hop" to something cold and exotic.


Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 347 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
Distraut
♂ Member
Member # 38655
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My Children are the biggest reason I wish my XWW would have tried to R.Im afraid to soon they will figure out that she just doesnt give a shit about them.Its her weekend and she has told them she's not picking them up.They dont seem to mind or want to go with her.But eventually they will figure it out.
Every good mother Ive explained my sitch to said the same thing they would have fought tooth and nail for their kids.Ill never forget setting in the lawers office and him asking do you want extra time with kids during the summer to which she coldly replied "No".And unless they want to go with her more every other weekend is all she will get but so far they have been with her three overnight stays since Apr 2.She spends more time with OM's kids.It really pisses me off.


Me47 BS
Her WW40
DD13
DS11
D Day 02/16/13
Married 15 years
divorced 04/02/2013
Moving on!

I asked her if she felt any remorse she said "I cry in the shower"


Posts: 120 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: midwest
ascian
♂ Member
Member # 40304
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Distraut, I just can't understand WW who treat their kids like that. I was prepared to burn any bridge, to cross any line to make sure I had time with my own kids when I considered D.


Me - BH 39
Her - FWW 36
D-Day: 8/13
Working on R

Posts: 262 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.