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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 15
MoreWould
♂ Member
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Different subject. My W is not a member of SI. She is not particularly fond of it because she thinks that it stirs up emotions in me that she would rather not have stirred up. Translation: I might decide that I want to ask some of the 100 questions I have refrained from asking.

Here's the hidden secret, now the truth can be told. SI is like Fight Club, and not only are 1985 and I married to the same woman, we are actually the same guy. We just don't know it.

That must be why I love this post so much. Thanks.

[This message edited by MoreWould at 5:22 PM, October 15th (Tuesday)]


Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 347 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awesome discussion mates. Really good shit. But I got a rant - not to thread jack, just getting it out of my system. I fucking hate wheelbarrows. Do you know how hard it is to push one of those sum bitches with a beer in your hand? Damned impossible. I tried. And tried. See, my cargo trailer on the John Deere had a flat, and I had to move some rocks. Good night for Tred, ride the tractor, and the John Deere has a cup holder. See where I'm going with this? I was ready for a night of JD therapy dammit! And the cargo trailer had a flat. But the rocks had to be moved. Dilemma. I HAD to put the beer down. I hate fucking wheelbarrows. That is all. Back to your regular scheduled intelligent discussions.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3294 | Registered: Dec 2011
SuperDuperWonderboy
♂ Member
Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fucking wheelbarrows. You have been heard Tred.

(((((Tred)))))


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1267 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know they're only 2nd-class levers, but at the same time, did not the wheelbarrow help you get the job done?
And what if he hadn't been there? You be ranting on fucking hands and sore backs is what!
Let's lay the blame where it belongs.
The fucking flat tire!
The wheelbarrow didn't even have that, did it?
(((wheelbarrow)))

Posts: 5997 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was ready for a night of JD therapy dammit!

So am I Tred, but I think we're talking about something different. Your version sounds fun, too.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1024 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

did not the wheelbarrow help you get the job done?

Noted. But not in the manner that I wanted to do the job. I'm pissed at the cargo trailer too. That fucker is getting new tires. Stupid tubes. It's twelve years old and the tubeless ones are long gone.

I was ready for a night of JD therapy dammit!

Got that one covered actually
In 2009 I went down to Lynchburg and bought a barrel with a mate my wife went to HS with. 47 cartons worth. And we got the barrel. It's good shit, because it won't change - every bottle comes from the same barrel. Got to have a private tour with Jeff Arnett and drink some bourbon with him. It was quite an experience. If OBX ever gets off the ground, I'll bring a couple of bottles.

ETA: Got my therapy from jacking the wife's phone. I took it and had a sexting session with myself while she was cooking. Should be pretty funny when she reads what she agreed to She shouldn't of left it on the seat of the John Deere (I had both of our phones - texted back and forth. Don't worry, nothing too out of bounds!)

[This message edited by Tred at 6:32 PM, October 15th (Tuesday)]


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3294 | Registered: Dec 2011
nomistakeaboutit
♂ Member
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've spent most of my time up in General. I thought Id wander into the Menz section for this.

After being D for a year now, I've had a lot of time to reflect.

Do you know what I really miss about my xWW?

[This message edited by nomistakeaboutit at 6:56 PM, October 15th (Tuesday)]


Me: BH 56.........Her: WW 43
DD: 6..........DS: 4
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"

Posts: 795 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
nomistakeaboutit
♂ Member
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not a goddamn thing.


Me: BH 56.........Her: WW 43
DD: 6..........DS: 4
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"

Posts: 795 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"...had a sexting session with myself..." Tred

Tempting tagline topic alert!


Posts: 5997 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
ontheslope
♂ Member
Member # 40574
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If OBX ever gets off the ground

What is this "if" crap?


Me: BH, 35
Her: WW, 36
Two girls 7 & 10
Married 12 years
Dday: July, 2009

She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.


Posts: 255 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Maine, USA
MoreWould
♂ Member
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tred,

I have a little JD tractor of my own. Sumbitch couldn't keep air in its tires if the whole world depended on it, and its battery is a little unclear about our vows regarding holding a charge.

I don't know, maybe I just need to R with this thing. But I've asked and asked, damn tractor won't tell me any more about what's up than my W.

I do know it gets jealous when I use the wheelbarrow, maybe that's part of the problem. Or, maybe it has the personality of my old MG, susceptible to the power of human doubt. Learned to never drive that car further than I was willing to walk home.

Am I talking about my M, or my toys? Maybe I need some therapy. That bottle of Boone's is talking to me right now. But the Bullit Rye is getting jealous.

[This message edited by MoreWould at 8:27 PM, October 15th (Tuesday)]


Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 347 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
MoreWould
♂ Member
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dang, I got home and the Boubons were fighting. Jealous bitches and the Knob Creek had the other two pinned. Only way to avoid playing favorites was to move over to the Scots.

Started light and floral with an Aberlour sherry cask-aged Scotch. Then moved up to a smokier Glendronach, wrapped it up with Laphroaig, all smoke and iodine.

I am cured!

[This message edited by MoreWould at 9:03 AM, October 16th (Wednesday)]


Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 347 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First post here in a while; good discussion as usual...

I got pretty much the same answer you did, followed by "I don't remember.

^^^I agree that SI has a dominant ideology. For the most part differing views are kindly tolerated. Regarding 'full disclosure', one problem is that there is a big part of the IC community which counsels against full disclosure. Even some books that are often mentioned here on this site weigh the pros and cons of such candid fact revealing.

My wife's trysts were a giant FUCK YOU to me

^^^hmmmm. There is something strangely comforting about such a realization. Can't put my finger on why...


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 791 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Regarding 'full disclosure', one problem is that there is a big part of the IC community which counsels against full disclosure. Even some books that are often mentioned here on this site weigh the pros and cons of such candid fact revealing.

Just because someone writes a book doesnt mean they have a damned clue. Lots of MC and IC have diplomas on the wall but give really stupid advice because thats what they read in a book written by someone with no real world experience with infidelity. The diploma or the book too often gives a false sense that the speaker knows something about what they are spouting off about.

IMO anything other than full disclosure is a lie of omission. Lies are only told for the sake of the liar. Lies give the liar control over the one being lied to. They also give some protection but I consider this to be a subset of control. Lies are all about control.

Through lies our WW control our choices. Saying *I dont remember* or if you find something new saying *you never asked me about that* all these are lies of omission. And I oftimes wonder if any of us ever get the entire full story without the filter of WW self protection in the way? If we did would we stay in the M? So by not giving full disclosure our WW gets their lovely vacation and in the end keeps their nice life secure in a M.

Frankly books and diplomas by those that advise anything less than full disclosure should be burnt.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3074 | Registered: Sep 2007
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IMO anything other than full disclosure is a lie of omission.

If the BS has asked for full disclosure, then I agree 100% with this statement. Not every BS wants all the details, but if they do, and the WS knowingly omits details, they are still lying. Any reconciliation built on lies is false R with a shitty foundation waiting to collapse if those lies ever get exposed.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3294 | Registered: Dec 2011
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with Tred. The level of detail should be 100% steered by the BS.

I didn't want to hear everything. I got some of the gory details, and that was enough for me. I felt like continued digging down that path would only hurt me more. The thing is, my wife was and is willing to give me those details if I ask them of her. My choice.

For others, they need to know every last detail, which is completely reasonable. Their choice.

What's wrong is when we aren't given the choice of what level of detail we hear. We've already had enough choices taken away from us to begin with, right?

All I know is that I really want a John Deere tractor now...


Posts: 4495 | Registered: Dec 2010
damaged71
♂ Member
Member # 36004
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Every time I seem to post on here it is followed by a fairly long discussion with my FWW. These discussions are typically followed by crying... lots of crying. Last night was no different.

I don't know what brought it up specifically but we got on the "subject". In the past I had let her tell obvious lies and didn't call her on them because I didn't want to be too harsh. Yesterday was different.

We got on the subject of her saying "it was an accident,I didn't mean for it to happen". I flat out asked her "what you are telling me is that you didn't believe that there was any possibility for "it" to happen"? She said "well, I knew there was that possibility but I thought I was strong enough to not let it happen". I said "sure, whatever". I also touched on the subject that I had never got a clear answer on what happened. I got one story from the OM wife and one from her. I said "one of you is lying, which one is it". She finally partially fessed up. I know there is more but she agreed with what the OM wife told me.

She did start bawling though. I don't think it's a manipulation tactic to be honest. My wife is stellar at compartmentalizing things. To her, this never happened. Literally. She has compartmentalized it so well that each time I bring it up it's like it's new to her. She will agree that she was a monster and she is guilty all over again.

She said during the conversation she said "I will do anything to save a marriage". I guess anything doesn't included scheduling counseling. She won't do that for some reason. I have decided I'm not going to either.


I didn't know there was this much emotional pain in the universe!
Me 42
Her 44
D-day 5.18.12
Currently in R

Posts: 305 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: damaged71
ontheslope
♂ Member
Member # 40574
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

it was an accident,I didn't mean for it to happen

Ok - this is going to sound harsh, but don't let her get away with this shit.

I'm not sure if hers was a PA or an EA, but if it was a PA, then please get her to tell you how she 'accidentally' dropped her pants and 'accidentally' spread her legs and 'accidentally' let another guy crawl on top of her....

Again man, I know that's harsh, but I think you should have ZERO tolerance for excuse making when it comes to this stuff. 'twasn't no accident. I've never 'accidentally' had sex with someone.... "Oh, sorry ma'am... didn't see you there. Let me just pull that out of there. OK. You're good to go. Mah 'pologies."


Me: BH, 35
Her: WW, 36
Two girls 7 & 10
Married 12 years
Dday: July, 2009

She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.


Posts: 255 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Maine, USA
Merlin
♂ Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Accidental affair" is a blunt contradiction in terms.

They do not exist.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/56 Me: BS/62, 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1056 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
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