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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: He contacted me tonight during the 30 days of NC
ladies_first
♀ Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess I don't see it as abuse.

Then why do you expect him to change his behavior(s)?


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
summerain
♀ Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life? Are you ok with your married life being even worse than what your relationship is like now? Because he is not going to change. If he can, it will take *years* of therapy. This is how he treats you *before* you're married. You honestly believe it will get better? If this is your courtship then I'm pretty sure when you're married and the stress of real life sets in you'll be posting on a domestic violence board because he is a controlling, lying, stalking SOB and he can't even handle your career so he's never going to be able to handle a marriage.

The main thing I guess is that before I felt confident that men wanted me. Now I feel like I'm not good enough.

Before I felt confident in my looks. Now I feel unattractive.

Before I felt confident in my career. Now I feel like my career is a liability for dating since he felt insecure about my job.



Before I knew the qualities that I wanted in a marriage partner. Now I feel confused about what I want.

Before I thought I was a good judge of character and could tell when someone lying. Now I don't trust my judgment.

Before I was optimistic about love and my friends' new relationships. Now I'm very cynical and tell my friends to be careful.


Before I could honestly say that there wasn't anyone that I hated. Now there are a few people that I have those feelings toward. I really hope that passes with time, because it's not the way I like being.


Before I was never able to walk away from a relationship or initiate NC. Now I'm enforcing NC, and that makes me feel like a stronger person.


Before I was able to move on very quickly after a relationship ended. Now I can't imagine dating anyone else because I still have very strong feelings for him.

DO you want to marry this guy? re read all of the above. If the answer is still no, read it again and again until it feels real. Also, are you seeing a counselor?


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 82
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