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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Mid-life crisis
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since separating, I've gotten a few tattoos. Six new ones to be exact.

Had to see the Princess the other day to sign some stuff. She saw my latest tattoos and said, "Oh my god! What's wrong with you?"

I admitted that it may be a mid-life crisis, then added, "It's one of the kind that DOESN'T split up families though."

Luckily, we were done conducting our business: She felt a need to suddenly leave.

Fuck her!

(How many of my posts end with "Fuck her"? I think there have been a few.)

ETA Maybe that should be my next tattoo? Nice fancy script that says "Fuck her!" I hate to feel like I'm repeating myself.

[This message edited by pass at 8:13 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1724 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Iamhappytoday
♀ Member
Member # 39051
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My X was very adamant the he didn't like the idea of me getting more. Now that he's gone? I FINALLY am going to do what I've wanted for years. It's major, but it will be beautiful and something I've wanted for years. Are you sure you are MLF? Or using it as an FU to her? Is any of it for your own satisfaction and contentment?

Even if your reasons started out negative, I hope you will find ways to view them positively. No reason for body art to ring in fresh pain and serve as a trigger.

Just a thought...I could be way off the mark

[This message edited by Iamhappytoday at 9:28 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]


BW 39
WH 34
2DD's 15 months at start
Together 10 years, M 9
OW 22 CW, 2kids by 2 men & youngest less than 1 when affair started.
Dday 1 8/16/12 "just texting"
TT, gaslighting, denial; was always PA; he left me for her.

Posts: 131 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Free!!!
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm all for self expression. I would caution against such that implies something negative to your kids, even if she deserves it.

I have no tats but I would love one - I just can't ever decide what!


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4380 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, so maybe I shouldn't get the "Fuck her". You've talked me out of it.

None of these tats have anything to do with her. Well, maybe the one of the first two bars of sheet music for Man of Constant Sorrow (that I got shortly after DDay) had something to do with her.

But the rest have been things I wanted to get, and didn't have to worry about her opinion anymore. So it could be a little bit MLC, but mostly it's just a look that I really like.

I love all of them, and don't think of her when I look at any of them (even Man of Constant Sorrow).

So for the next one, I was thinking of a Lone Ranger mask on my face. What do y'all think?


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1724 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Iamhappytoday
♀ Member
Member # 39051
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm happy to hear that these are for YOU!!! And despite the sad lyrics, just remember the last line speaks of peace.

Mine is connecting the four I have into a large overall piece that will pretty much shock most folks, but no one will really see it. The end result will be similar to this.

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/237424211577225478/

Go big or go home, right?!

[This message edited by Iamhappytoday at 10:18 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]


BW 39
WH 34
2DD's 15 months at start
Together 10 years, M 9
OW 22 CW, 2kids by 2 men & youngest less than 1 when affair started.
Dday 1 8/16/12 "just texting"
TT, gaslighting, denial; was always PA; he left me for her.

Posts: 131 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Free!!!
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, Iamhappytoday, that looks kickass!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1724 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Iamhappytoday
♀ Member
Member # 39051
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know! I'm kinda jealous! Mine will be in the same theme of a mandala, and also the same area and nearly the same coverage, but will be quite different in order to keep two that I have unaltered.
I think for those of us that like body art, each tattoo really is a reminder of where we were in life when we got a particular piece. What I like about what I am about to do is that it will take 4 unrelated works and change them into one unifying thing and theme.
I think as we work on healing ourselves after infidelity, in a way we are doing much the same thing.
And it is kickass

[This message edited by Iamhappytoday at 10:59 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]


BW 39
WH 34
2DD's 15 months at start
Together 10 years, M 9
OW 22 CW, 2kids by 2 men & youngest less than 1 when affair started.
Dday 1 8/16/12 "just texting"
TT, gaslighting, denial; was always PA; he left me for her.

Posts: 131 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Free!!!
stronger08
♂ Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 2:54 AM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dude I started getting inked over 35 years ago. Long before it was a popular trend. Matter of fact they were illegal at the time. When I started dating my XWW she used to complain about them. So I naturally stopped getting them. Once I separated I started again. I plan on getting 2 more and that will be it. I don't think doing things you always wanted to do, or stopped doing because of your spouse is a mid life crisis. Its living life on your own terms. BTW Tatt's started to become popular around the time her A started. Her OM thought it would be hot if she got one. Guess who sports a few of her own these days ? She has also gone out and had a few piercings done. So if anyone is having a midlife crisis its my XWW.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5570 | Registered: Nov 2007
Bravenewgirl
♀ Member
Member # 36267
Default  Posted: 5:16 AM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You get as many freaking tattoos as you want!

It beats the hell out of getting a sports car and knocking up a 20 year old.

I wish they would bring back the red A on the forehead for our former spouses.


Don't come around here no more
-Tom Petty

Posts: 661 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Canada
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 6:07 AM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, I got one after each of his affairs. Love them.

You can always use tesla's FTG.....


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7440 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What business is it of hers what you do to your body?

Tattoos originated as a rite of passage and are very personal. As long as one is over 18, no one else gets any say in it.

ETA: Personally, I'm planning on getting a Mended Broken Heart when my D is final.

[This message edited by Gemini71 at 7:47 AM, October 11th (Friday)]


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1560 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What business is it of hers what you do to your body?

EXACTLY! She doesn't get an opinion on anything anymore that doesn't relate to the kids' well-being.

In Ontario, we're allowed to file for divorce one year after we separated. We officially separated on March 2, at about 4pm (but who's counting). I can't even wait until the divorce is final. I know it's more of a symbolic thing than anything - since we're already living apart - but that symbol is looking pretty fucking great at this point.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1724 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, doesn't therapy of most kind tell us to "go do something for ourselves?" Some people buy cars, go to spa, buy new house...you chose tattoos...bravo!

I think one with her face and the crossbones instead of a skull would be cool!, but since you're opting for the highroad, can't do that where the sun will shine.

She sounds like Arsehole quite often, actually. Why do they even notice what we do?

And good for you on the F'her. I thing it shows move-along-ability.

Mandalas are great, they're fun and filled with so much meaning. DD and I found one online we used to lighten a mood one day and it was ice cream based.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess


Posts: 2145 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She saw my latest tattoos and said, "Oh my god! What's wrong with you?"
I'd have a really hard time not rising to that bait, so I understand why you replied to her.

But honey? Don't reply to her next time. She doesn't deserve an answer for her judgmental, prying, overstepping bullshit questions.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24462 | Registered: Aug 2011
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, you're right, NIK. I shouldn't have responded. But I had two very compelling reasons to respond:

1. During our entire relationship, she desperately needed to be told to "Fuck off" on a regular basis, and I NEVER did.

2. I'm a natural born smartass.

So I'm not afraid to say things back to her now, AND I have a head full of things to say. You can see my dilemma?

How about if I just say nothing and flip her the bird?

Oh all right! I'll keep working on those crickets.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1724 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Thefly559
♂ Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you , fuck her and them! they all want to talk about midlife crisis , I would have never did the things I am doing now if she didn't have her midlife crisis ! ours is forced theirs was chosen. I just bought a new motorcycle and scheduled months worth of tattoos , my whole back! When she found out I got the bike she text me " mid-life crisis?" I foolishly replied lol " I am not the one who had an affair and destroyed our family , you did that "


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 612 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow! I wish my XWH's mid-life crisis had been a couple of tattoos! Heck, he'd also been getting a muscle car fixed up, and I joked that I was fine with that being his mid-life crisis.

Yeah, screwing some subhuman outside of marriage is a much better way to handle a mid-life crisis. I'm glad you made that comment to her; she was being completely hypocritical. It's a little late to be playing the Victorian prig, honey!


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3546 | Registered: Oct 2011
HurtsButImOK
♀ Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, I got one after each of his affairs. Love them.

Gasp, I would run out of skin

I get a tattoo to celebrate a new life/significant milestone, marking my body helps me to feel it is different and mine. A fresh new me to be reclaimed!

Its not a MLC pass, its an independence statement.

FTBitch


Me: Awesome - 35

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be". –


Posts: 722 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
inconnu
♀ Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

since I figured ex had a MLC and blew my life up, I wasn't going to follow in his footsteps. Instead, I chose to have a mid-life adventure. It hasn't always worked out the way I've planned, but it's been a really good adventure so far.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12124 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pass, is it a MLF or do you now feel that you have the ability to make these decisions for yourself without fear of disappointment or judgement from your STBXWW? I know for me it was very freeing to be able to choose to spend my income, time and express myself without reservation. I really learned to love me because I had no fear that what I was doing or saying would "let someone else down". Just a thought


Me: 45 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 22, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1678 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
Topic Posts: 23
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