Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: soconfused25 (44202)

Off Topic Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Update on DD in treatment
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't believe it's been more than 4 months since DD entered the residential treatment program, but the calendar doesn't lie.

We had her quarterly staffing in August. The short story is that DD is reacting to being in the program as most kids do - they white knuckle it for as long as they can, hoping to "behave" their way out of the program and back home. It never works. Eventually, their grip loosens, the gig is up, and they go back to their "normal" behaviors, which is to say, they behave abnormally. DD was no different. She white knuckled for the first month, and spent the next two months slowly sliding back to her baseline. Challenges cropped up with peers, staff, and her family. She physically attacked both me and her father in July, which resulted in her losing the privilege of overnight passes to visit home.

Since then, she has been slowly earning her way to longer and longer visits. At this point, she can take 8 hour off-campus visits with me and with her father each weekend, but is not allowed to leave campus during the week unless with staff.

All of this is as expected. The staff is actually relieved that she has reverted back to her old behaviors, as they can now see what we've been dealing with and start to address the changes needed. DD has all the necessary components for successfully completing treatment - she's driven, she buys into the program, and she has fantastic family support from me, her father, her brother, and her extended family. Hearing that from the experts at her staffing was a huge relief.

What wasn't expected, however, is that since that quarterly staffing, her aggression has been spiraling out of control. She has been in near constant conflict with another girl in her cottage. DD's anxiety and aggression levels have sky-rocketed, and she is lashing out frequently, both in verbal and physical altercations. A few weeks ago, she had an episode while she was on a day pass with me. While I was driving her back to the program, she shattered the windshield in my van and punched me. It was terrifying. Fortunately, I was a block from the program and was able to quickly pull into their parking lot where staff removed her from the car and isolated her until the episode passed. There have been more aggression episodes since then, both with staff and family. Each episode is heartbreaking. When it passes, she is overwhelmed with guilt and remorse. She is in a very negative place right now, struggling to recognize anything good about herself.

This week, the staff will be modifying her medications in the hopes of reducing her agitation and aggressiveness. The medications she takes are very serious and come with potential side effects that are very troubling to read through. It's been a difficult time weighing those potential effects against the potential benefits for DD. Lots of lost sleep. Lots of anxiety. Tons of time spent on a brain train, questioning my decisions over and over again. I've reached an uneasy peace with those decisions, but they continue to weigh on my heart.

DD's 15th birthday is in a few days. And I will only see her for a few hours that afternoon. I can't take her home. I can’t even take her off campus. I can't have a big family party for her. I can't wake her up in the morning by singing the birthday song to her, make her favorite birthday breakfast... We will celebrate her birthday of course, but it will be different, as it must be right now.

There is no better place for her to be right now. I know this. I know she's being cared for by the right people in the right program. I know that this is the right path for her.

It isn't, however, an easy one.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24366 | Registered: Aug 2011
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((nik))) how heart wrenching all this must be for you. Your dd is blessed to have you as her mom.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7778 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes the right paths are the hardest to get through.

Continued prayers for you all.


(((((nik & DD)))))


AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
metamorphisis
♀ Administrator
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You never cease to impress me NIK. She is very blessed to have you as her mom. I am sending all the mojo I can muster for your little girl. She's sweet and she loves you and she'll be ok with your love and all the help she is getting.



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 43872 | Registered: Sep 2006
Exit Wounds
♀ Member
Member # 32811
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs NIK,

Posts: 2478 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: With my dad...and my dog...
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((NIK)))

This will be hard before it gets easier. Lean on us as you need to. We are all wanting the best for you and DD. You and DD are in my prayers.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 51420 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
jrc1963
♀ Member
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with Moo... I don't think you've gotten to the worst of it yet.

But You have made the right decisions and you are doing the absolutely best thing for her... Be patient and allow the program and her staff to do their work.

What you are going thru, what you have gone thru, most people couldn't take. You are a strong person and thru your strength and love your DD will get better.

(((NIK))) (((NIK's DD)))


Me: BSO - 45
Him: FWSO - 68
DS - 12
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24322 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love ya, NIK. Keeping you and the kids in my thoughts.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16265 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for updating. I've been thinking of your DD and keeping her and your family in my prayers.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4818 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
idiot85
♂ Member
Member # 38934
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers too NIK

It'll get better.


BH-29 (me)
WW-28

Multi famam, conscientiam, pauci verentur.


Posts: 575 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Old Blighty
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh NIK, I can't imagine what you and your family are going through. Sending lots of love, strength, and (((HUGS))) to you and everyone.

I'm not sure if you can do this, but could you go visit in the morning and bring her favorite breakfast? I know it's not the same, but it may cheer everyone up.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5816 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Nik)))

I was just thinking about you and your DD this morning. Sending you good thoughts and strength.


Posts: 33700 | Registered: Mar 2011
Lucky2HaveMe
♀ Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can only imagine how difficult this must be on you. Take solace knowing that you are making all decisions with her best interest at heart.

Hugs


Indian wisdom says our lives are rivers. We are born somewhere small and quiet and we move toward a place we cannot see, but only imagine. From Tending Roses

Posts: 5972 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
CheaterMagnet
♀ Member
Member # 33581
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((NIK)))))))

You've been so kind to me and to everyone on this site even in the midst of something so painful. You are my hero.

(((((((NIK))))))


If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5

Posts: 988 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Kailua-Kona, HI
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow NIK. I had no idea what you are dealing with. Hang in there. You love your daughter very much and she is lucky to have a mom that is so strong and willing to sacrifice so much.

Yes her 15th birthday may not be a great one but without this one being what it is, she wouldn't be able to appreciate how wonderful all the others to follow will be for her.

Hugs and strength, and peace to you and your family


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7785 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What Moo says. My thoughts are with you and your daughter.

Head over heart right now is the right way. It sucks, though.

A hug for you, if it will help: (((NIK))) + (((DD)))


fBH (me) - 65+, fWW (her) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9725 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Kodi
♀ Member
Member # 16237
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((NIK)))

Posts: 1344 | Registered: Sep 2007
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, guys. I appreciate all the kind words and support.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24366 | Registered: Aug 2011
million pieces
♀ Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs to everyone involved. You are amazing :)


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1230 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 7:33 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((NIK)))

((((Niklet))))


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13553 | Registered: Jul 2011
Topic Posts: 34
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: Off Topic Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.