I feel like she wants to try but can't get back the physical part of a relationship with me and that's holding her back.
Successful relationships begin and end with good communication. Have you asked her about this? Rather than trying to read her feelings and meanings in her eyes, have you asked her about a physical relationship? Does she want one? Does she want one with you?
I know we love each other and are each the others love of their lives. Does she just want to be my friend and is scared?
How can you "know" that she loves you and that you are the love of her life when you do not know if she just wants to be a friend?
Again, I think it is time to talk with her about the relationship and what she does and does not expect to happen.
[This message edited by atsenaotie at 9:57 AM, October 10th (Thursday)]
What can I do to help her break down the physical she HAD to construct because of my infidelity? i don't want to pressure her too much either.
Well, I think you need to take it very slowly indeed. A wrong move by you before she is ready could trigger her and knock things backwards for you both. Have you spoken to her about it? If you haven't, I would suggest that you do so. Then you can tell her that you realise this issue is tricky for her and that you are in absolutely no rush about it, and that have no intention of pressurising her about it either. Tell her that her comfort in this area is important to you. Maybe just ask her what she would be happy with to start out with. You could suggest just hand holding, and a hug at the end of meet ups with maybe a kiss on the cheek. If your wife gets comfortable with that, maybe move onto an arm around her shoulders while you watch tv and see how that goes. I think if your wife knows that you aren't going to be expecting too much too soon from her, and that it is just you and she re-connecting emotionally that is the most important thing to you in this first stage, it may take any pressure off her, and help her to accept the smaller physical gestures as you start to re-connect as more than just friends.
I do remember you from before and I wish you and your wife all the best as you start on this new course together.