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User Topic: Is this normal?
Outdoornut1
♂ Member
Member # 35446
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wife met w/the marriage counselor by herself yesterday.
I didn't know about this and am not sure if she would have told me if I didn't press her about what she did yesterday.
Is this something that would be considered normal in couples counseling?


Me-BS
Wife-WS
D-day- 1/17/2012
2 Beautiful Girls
Future- unknown
"You are 50% responsible for the problems before the affair..WS is 100% responsible for choosing to cheat." Confused615

Posts: 154 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Northern NY
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Separate visits for particularly difficult subjects are ok. However what isn't ok is her hiding it that's lying by omission and is never acceptable.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 14 & 16
Married for 21 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 6631 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Outdoornut1
♂ Member
Member # 35446
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't answer if she would have told me or not if I didn't ask.
Am I allowed to find out what was discussed or is that considered off limits?
I kind of feel ganged up on by her and the counselor.


Me-BS
Wife-WS
D-day- 1/17/2012
2 Beautiful Girls
Future- unknown
"You are 50% responsible for the problems before the affair..WS is 100% responsible for choosing to cheat." Confused615

Posts: 154 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Northern NY
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We had a couple of individual sessions, but they were discussed beforehand.

When is your next appointment?


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 35395 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
StillStanding1
♀ Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Agree with tushnurse. Want to add that our MC will see us individually, but equally. One spouse does not get more visits than the other , so things don't get skewed. Our MC said from day 1 that our M is the client, not either of us as individuals. That helped me.

There should be NO secret meetings!


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 20 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, MC/IC/FC,
He officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 527 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Am I allowed to find out what was discussed or is that considered off limits?
I kind of feel ganged up on by her and the counselor.

We cross posted. I'd definitely talk to the counselor about this. What you're feeling is perfectly valid.


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 35395 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
Outdoornut1
♂ Member
Member # 35446
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another issue is our version of arguments/situations are really 180 different.
It has been a big issue in couples sessions. The counselor would let us argue until it got to heated.
I let her tell her version and then whey I try to tell my version she interupts constantly and I end up shuting down because I'm tired of bickering. It really bothers me that he lets her interupt all the time.
Several times I've asked her to let me finish speaking but she says she has to interupt because I'm wrong.
Again, I can't say this meeting was secret but I do feel I would not have been told if I didn't ask... that is speculation on my part though.

[This message edited by Outdoornut1 at 5:27 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)]


Me-BS
Wife-WS
D-day- 1/17/2012
2 Beautiful Girls
Future- unknown
"You are 50% responsible for the problems before the affair..WS is 100% responsible for choosing to cheat." Confused615

Posts: 154 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Northern NY
Topic Posts: 7

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