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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Some days "I love you" isn't enough...
TXBW68
♀ Member
Member # 36456
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He tells me multiple times every day. He shows me in his actions. But sometimes, I need more. I need to hear him say that I am his only real love. That he was stupid for what he did. That he's sorry for the pain that he's caused me. That I am not his Default or Backup Plan. That the words of lurve he said to #3 and #4 were not real. That NONE of them can compare to me in his eyes!

He's told me all of those things and more - many times. But some days, my self-confidence gets shaky. I was his "only" for everything except kissing. I was special. I don't always feel special anymore. I miss that sometimes.

Don't get me wrong. Our reconciliation has been great! Since I found out about #2 and #3 six months ago, he has been a completely different guy. He has great boundaries and says he is in love with me and our family. He's happy being married to me. I'm in love with him. And I'm happy being married to him.

But some days, I just need more...


Me (46) WH (42),2 boys 15 & 11
M 18yrs T 22yrs
Separated 10 months (4/12 to 2/13)
Final Total - #1/#2 ONS and #3/#4 EA/PA - left me for #4, didn't know about #2 and 3 until he moved back home
We are solidly in R now

Posts: 792 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Dallas, TX
Dreamland
♀ Member
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear ya!!!
I want validation that I am here not because I found you out but because I really am your soul mate.
He tells me he loves me all the time

I used to feel something and would tell him back

No I don't say anything if I don't feel it. He gets sad and says that he understands why I can say it in return. But honestly I still can't understand how he can say that and Nesby it after what he's done.
Anyway sorry I'm no help.
I have been having a couple of bad months lately


Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
HardenMyHeart
♂ Member
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But some days, I just need more...

I think this is pretty normal and many of us go through this. Sending best wishes you feel happier soon.


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.


Posts: 5695 | Registered: Aug 2007
SorrowBhindSmile
♀ Member
Member # 38139
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i hear ya. hard to figure it out sometimes....maybe that "more" is the longing for the "only". The "only" we will never have again. So very sad.

But when i get sad like that and the "just need more" feelings pop up, i do my best to refocus to what we have now. Still climbing the mountain, not at the top quite yet, step by step day by day....but I'll take the man my WH is striving to become now versus who he was.

hugs to you!


Me: BW
Him: WH
OW: My former "dear friend"/neighbor
Married 20+
Kids: 3
D-Day 12/2012
Committed to R 7/8/2013
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle"

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013
Herkemeyer
♂ Member
Member # 36910
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

self confidence? What is that? I have days where I don't feel like I can wipe my butt right. However, did you think I was gonna say but, these feelings are temporary even if it lasts for days. so take the good days and make as many strides as you can.


BH-43
(F?)WW-39 (neznayou)
DDay-08/10/12 TT for 18 Months (I think)
Married 19 years

Posts: 133 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Colorado
neverdidithink
♀ Member
Member # 40568
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so with you right now.

We're in a bad place today and he doesn't seem to understand that I love yous just don't take away the devastation and insecurity his A brought to our marriage and my life.


Me: BW 52
Him: WH 55
Married 8 years
4 20-something his and hers kids

Trying to understand the behavior of some people is like trying to smell the color 9


Posts: 338 | Registered: Sep 2013
TXBW68
♀ Member
Member # 36456
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for the support! I always know that the SI family understands what I'm going through even when I can't explain it properly to the outside world.

When I talked to him this morning about it, I told him that it's almost like I need him to put on one of those big #1 foam fingers, like for sports teams, only one for me, and chant "TXB is #1! TXB is #1!"

So when I saw him at lunchtime (he's working from home today), he was very affectionate. When I left, he kissed me and then held up his finger and said "You're #1...in my heart...forever!"

I know, it was corny! But it made me smile!!


Me (46) WH (42),2 boys 15 & 11
M 18yrs T 22yrs
Separated 10 months (4/12 to 2/13)
Final Total - #1/#2 ONS and #3/#4 EA/PA - left me for #4, didn't know about #2 and 3 until he moved back home
We are solidly in R now

Posts: 792 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Dallas, TX
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadly I know exactly what you mean. Even my WH notices that no matter what it seems like I need more and more. I want the same, to feel like I am the 'special' one to him. I know that I have to make my self 'special' to me, but it is so hard not having that bond anymore, that safeness.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
fourever
♀ Member
Member # 30631
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh My, did this hit home tonight.


In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!


Posts: 877 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Northeast
Topic Posts: 9

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