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Newest Member: KevinTheAsshole (45445)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Help me figure this out
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I keep wanting to google the COW and WH. I now it's not healthy. But what I'm more concerned with is my why. Why am I wanting to do this? What's the deep down thing driving me to want this? I'm hoping that knowing why will help me deal with it.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 1075 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
ninebark
♀ Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it is just human nature. Its like scratching a chicken pox, it will satisfy an overwhelming urge but hurts us in the long run.

I spent too long looking at OW's facebook page, trying to glean something about her and her life and why she would do this horrible thing. Making sure that they still weren't together.

I am not sure what I was hoping to find, but I didn't find it. I just drove myself crazy obsessing. Just try to step back and wait for the urge to pass.

[This message edited by ninebark at 9:35 AM, October 7th (Monday)]


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're just trying to make sense of the bullshit. It's as simple as that. I'm slowly breaking ties with The Princess that I had convinced myself I had to keep up for the kids' sake. The truth was that I just couldn't let go.

Last week, I blocked her on facebook, and felt fantastic!

You can do it when you're ready, Softcentre. Let us know.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2142 | Registered: Jan 2013
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I actually found out information that I needed to know by internet sleuthing. Had I not listened to my instincts & searched, I would not have known that vital information. So I ask you, what is your motivation for this urge? Do you feel there's something you need to know, something that will help you protect yourself?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9856 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NG - I think that I'm wanting to know if they're together or not.

We were each other's firsts. He is my only. He swears that technically he didn't actually have sex with her because he just couldn't get it up. While I'm still not sure I believe this, the facts and some other things do bear it out. But I'm pretty sure that if they are now together (he says not) they will be having sex.

That would make a difference to me. I'm not sure why. Maybe it would be easier to let go. Maybe I'd feel able to take my wedding rings off. It would certainly be easier for me to actually file.

And I think some of it is because since I started doing the 180,he's actually started doing things that he said he would and not just procrastinating. So part of me is trying to work out if he is starting to come out of the fog (although he hasn't broken contact with her)OR whether he's heading towards filing himself and so isn't trying to passive aggressively fight me any more because I'm not that important any more? It's strange, it was almost easier when he was acting like a jerk. This being helpful is out of character...but what I've been looking for, for years


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 1075 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My continued snooping helped me to know that I knew what I knew - regardless of appearances or whatever bs he was spouting at the moment.

Bit by bit the truths I learned smothered any and all hope of R... I nneded it to stay strong and keep some anger in the mix to follow through and do what I never imagined I could ever do - D the man I married. Snooping proved to me over and over - he was not the man I thought I married.


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4157 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe that's it,then. I'm in mental limbo land and am trying to find something to shove me off the fence one side or the other.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 1075 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Limbo sounds so much more peaceful than it feels. I have this ache inside me from an open wound. It's like I'm sitting on this fence slowly bleeding out. On one side is the best doctor around. But I don't know which side the doctor is on.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 1075 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 8

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