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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Her rules!
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Angry  Posted: 5:55 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I moved out, the Princess told me the following rules:

1. We shouldn't date for two years to have time to mourn the marriage.

2. We should be dating someone for over a year before introducing them to the boys, so that we know it's serious.

3. Before one of us introduces someone to the kids, we should introduce them to the ex-spouse, so that we know who's hanging around our kids.

Numbers one and two supposedly came from her counsellor. I thought number three was a little much, since we can be trusted not to bring maniacs around our children.

She started dating one guy exclusively (in theory) four weeks after I moved out. In July, she introduced him to my boys. Then she broke up with him.

Now she has this new bf who is taking her to Cuba over xmas.

I just found out about all this stuff on Friday night. When she dropped the boys off, I sent them inside on my own, then gave her shit.

I mean, I thought all those rules were pretty heavy-handed, but they were what she proposed, and we agreed on.

Her word obviously means nothing, and for some reason, this is surprising to me! All these rules were just her attempt to keep controlling me.

I'm so fucking sick of that!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1999 | Registered: Jan 2013
LadyQ
♀ Member
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, consididering her track record for fidelity and honor, I'm thinking this isn't going to change. Sorry you still have to deal with her nonsense.


Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's gross. Just ignore, and continue to concentrate on your kids and being a great role model for them.

Posts: 1701 | Registered: Oct 2011
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DUDE.

IGNORE.

HER.

Don't expect in S/D what you didn't get in your M. She didn't give you the courtesy of telling you she was dating during your M why the hell would you expect her to now?

We had similar rules and they were thrown out the window except for the informing part. He took great pleasure in informing me 20 weeks after S that he was ready to introduce his 24 y/o office gopher (who I now know he had been fucking for a few years during our M) to my then almost 5 and just 2 year olds as his GF.

DO

NOT

PET

THE

DRAMA

LLAMA

You KNOW this. Now get back on the wagon and post here instead of talking to that whore brick wall for fucks sake.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5582 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Give it to me straight, StrongButBroken. Do you think I can save the marriage?

You're right, of course. I just keep thinking that at some point I can expect some honour from the dishonourable. I'm slowly learning how ridiculous that expectation is.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1999 | Registered: Jan 2013
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, my ex was full of rules too...and he just did anything he wanted anyway.

He lied to me about introducing someone to our kids...said they were "just friends" and he would let me know if "it changed". Sure enough, about two weeks later, they were suddenly dating.

Ignore her and just keep trucking forward.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4157 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just keep thinking that at some point I can expect some honour from the dishonourable.

That would be projecting your values onto someone with no values. Please remember this in future dealings and protect yourself and your kids as best you can. It's safest not to trust a single thing she says - and you'll be right about 90% of the time, at a guess. Remember, actions not words is the rule.

SBB, let us know how you really feel, why don't you?!


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5191 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ha! Just got off the phone with my parents. When we first broke up, they asked if The Princess had been fooling around, and for some reason I felt the need to protect her "honour". Now I was just pissed off enough to tell the truth.

Dad's response: "Well, I can't say that we're surprised."

Mom's response: "The way she's been dressing lately is shameful."

The Princess' "honour" is her own burden now!

Had to edit. Accidentally used her real name! Didn't mean to imply there is anything genuine about her.

[This message edited by pass at 8:58 PM, October 6th (Sunday)]


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1999 | Registered: Jan 2013
Bluebird26
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now Pass you know those rules were only for you not her. She doesn't have to follow the rules (or marriage vows )

Just ignore.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1349 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Give it to me straight, StrongButBroken. Do you think I can save the marriage?

SBB, let us know how you really feel, why don't you?!

I'll work on starting off with 1x1s and move up....

You all (or y'all) need to know I'm all shouty-pants at my past self. I can't 2x4 her anymore as she is long gone so pass, you're it.

You should have seen the song and dance I made when I was in your shoes. Makes your outburst seem positively pleasant. He dined on those ego kibbles for a long time - became an ego kibble crack whore for a while but he was forced to go cold turkey and a year later he finally got the memo that we're all out of give-a-fucks over here and won't be re-stocking.

A year. A whole year.

I can't believe you hadn't yet told your parents. This explains a lot. Secrets keep us sick. Moreso with others secrets.

Now you've cut that BIG grubby tentacle off you the others will be easier.

((pass)) nobody is saying its easy, boy do I know how hard it is - but it IS essential. And SOOOOOO worth it.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5582 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SBB, keep the 2x4s coming. I need and appreciate them.

When I moved out, I just didn't have it in me at the time to discuss my wife's fucking around with a couple 75-year-olds. I should have though - they were just as supportive as everyone else has been.

As a matter of fact EVERYBODY I've told has been very supportive. The first person I told was a waitress on the night I found out (Her response: "Your wife is a bitch!"). I've told my eye doctor, my landlord, my family doctor, all my friends (and finally all my family). The support has been amazing.

All those years that The Princess was "everything to me", I was ignoring a fantastic support network. They've got my back, and I fucking like it!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1999 | Registered: Jan 2013
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it is a way of finally shrugging off the "protector" role many of us were in. I know I protected my ex for far too long. It was a relief to tell people the truth.

Now, I keep it more to myself, I don't have the need to blurt out, "He cheated on me...with MEN!". I save that information for the people that are close to me, or may get close to me.

You have to distance yourself from the pain and focus on YOUR life. It is a conscious choice.

They play by their own rules, you gotta just learn to play by your own rules and ignore hers.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4157 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She is a controlling wing nut who will do whatever she can to step on your neck with her "come fuck me" red heels and smile while she's doing it.

I agree with SBB - don't expect a thing from her and never expect an ounce of decency to ooze from her pores ever again. She is rotten and she will never be a good, authentic, caring person like you.

Fuck her and her rules.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2812 | Registered: Jan 2011
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fucked her for years: It was okay.

Fucking her rules: Now that's better.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1999 | Registered: Jan 2013
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Y'all really have no idea how instrumental you've been in every step of progress I've made along the way. If I hadn't found SI, I might still be in that house thinking I was happily married.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1999 | Registered: Jan 2013
Topic Posts: 15

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