1. We shouldn't date for two years to have time to mourn the marriage.
2. We should be dating someone for over a year before introducing them to the boys, so that we know it's serious.
3. Before one of us introduces someone to the kids, we should introduce them to the ex-spouse, so that we know who's hanging around our kids.
Numbers one and two supposedly came from her counsellor. I thought number three was a little much, since we can be trusted not to bring maniacs around our children.
She started dating one guy exclusively (in theory) four weeks after I moved out. In July, she introduced him to my boys. Then she broke up with him.
Now she has this new bf who is taking her to Cuba over xmas.
I just found out about all this stuff on Friday night. When she dropped the boys off, I sent them inside on my own, then gave her shit.
I mean, I thought all those rules were pretty heavy-handed, but they were what she proposed, and we agreed on.
Her word obviously means nothing, and for some reason, this is surprising to me! All these rules were just her attempt to keep controlling me.
I'm so fucking sick of that!
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous
Don't expect in S/D what you didn't get in your M. She didn't give you the courtesy of telling you she was dating during your M why the hell would you expect her to now?
We had similar rules and they were thrown out the window except for the informing part. He took great pleasure in informing me 20 weeks after S that he was ready to introduce his 24 y/o office gopher (who I now know he had been fucking for a few years during our M) to my then almost 5 and just 2 year olds as his GF.
You KNOW this. Now get back on the wagon and post here instead of talking to that whore brick wall for fucks sake.
You're right, of course. I just keep thinking that at some point I can expect some honour from the dishonourable. I'm slowly learning how ridiculous that expectation is.
He lied to me about introducing someone to our kids...said they were "just friends" and he would let me know if "it changed". Sure enough, about two weeks later, they were suddenly dating.
Ignore her and just keep trucking forward.
"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings
I just keep thinking that at some point I can expect some honour from the dishonourable.
That would be projecting your values onto someone with no values. Please remember this in future dealings and protect yourself and your kids as best you can. It's safest not to trust a single thing she says - and you'll be right about 90% of the time, at a guess. Remember, actions not words is the rule.
SBB, let us know how you really feel, why don't you?!
Dad's response: "Well, I can't say that we're surprised."
Mom's response: "The way she's been dressing lately is shameful."
The Princess' "honour" is her own burden now!
Had to edit. Accidentally used her real name! Didn't mean to imply there is anything genuine about her.
[This message edited by pass at 8:58 PM, October 6th (Sunday)]
Give it to me straight, StrongButBroken. Do you think I can save the marriage?
SBB, let us know how you really feel, why don't you?!
I'll work on starting off with 1x1s and move up....
You all (or y'all) need to know I'm all shouty-pants at my past self. I can't 2x4 her anymore as she is long gone so pass, you're it.
You should have seen the song and dance I made when I was in your shoes. Makes your outburst seem positively pleasant. He dined on those ego kibbles for a long time - became an ego kibble crack whore for a while but he was forced to go cold turkey and a year later he finally got the memo that we're all out of give-a-fucks over here and won't be re-stocking.
A year. A whole year.
I can't believe you hadn't yet told your parents. This explains a lot. Secrets keep us sick. Moreso with others secrets.
Now you've cut that BIG grubby tentacle off you the others will be easier.
((pass)) nobody is saying its easy, boy do I know how hard it is - but it IS essential. And SOOOOOO worth it.
When I moved out, I just didn't have it in me at the time to discuss my wife's fucking around with a couple 75-year-olds. I should have though - they were just as supportive as everyone else has been.
As a matter of fact EVERYBODY I've told has been very supportive. The first person I told was a waitress on the night I found out (Her response: "Your wife is a bitch!"). I've told my eye doctor, my landlord, my family doctor, all my friends (and finally all my family). The support has been amazing.
All those years that The Princess was "everything to me", I was ignoring a fantastic support network. They've got my back, and I fucking like it!
Now, I keep it more to myself, I don't have the need to blurt out, "He cheated on me...with MEN!". I save that information for the people that are close to me, or may get close to me.
You have to distance yourself from the pain and focus on YOUR life. It is a conscious choice.
They play by their own rules, you gotta just learn to play by your own rules and ignore hers.
I agree with SBB - don't expect a thing from her and never expect an ounce of decency to ooze from her pores ever again. She is rotten and she will never be a good, authentic, caring person like you.
Fuck her and her rules.
Fucking her rules: Now that's better.