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User Topic: Odds of reoccuring
Yakamishi
♂ Member
Member # 38230
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know I should know where to find this, but I can't seem to find stats on the odds of WS committing adultery a second time. I know there are many factors, but I'm just curiouser.


Me: BH
Her: WW Mrs.yaka
Kids:4
Variouse clues to EA. WW promised it would stop.
D-Day of EA 9/13/2012 2:01PM found 2 yrs of text messages, confessed to EA
D-Day of PA: confessed on 9/22/12 11:53 PM. Worst moment of my life

Posts: 211 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Massachusetts
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The statistics on infidelity are really lousy, since cheating isn't something people seem to tell the truth about. For example, in one experiment, a sample of women were interviewed about cheating, and 1% of the sample admitted doing it. The same sample was surveyed, and 6% said they cheated.

My bet is that the work a WS does is the differentiator.

The big question is: what is your W doing to become a person who doesn't betray others?


fBH (me) - 65+, fWW (her) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9768 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Bluebird26
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my case sadly it was 100%.

Some WS can do the work necessary to change their behaviour and some people successfully reconcile. Sometimes a leopard can't (won't) change their spots.

But Sisoon is right, what is your WS doing to make amends? Do their actions match their words?


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1284 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
RockyMtn
♀ Member
Member # 37043
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know the odds of it reoccurring, but I do know the odds of it happening at all are staggering - right around 50%, some sources saying a bit more, some sources saying a bit less. There are sources that say as high as 80% of marriages are impacted.

I know this is ridiculously pragmatic, perhaps to my detriment, but I remember that statistic - 50% of marriages experience infidelity - when I get down about the whole idea of it reoccurring. I'm a believer that a remorseful wayward who busts their ass to fix themselves is less likely to cheat than a random person off the street. The chances of infidelity grow even slimmer with a supportive, encouraging BS within the context of a relationship that has thrived through crisis.

So, I either D and stay single for the rest of my life...or D and get remarried with a pretty damn good change it'll happen in that M...or I stay with far reduced changes of personally experiencing infidelity again because I have a remorseful WS and a thriving M.

Of course, this is NOT the only reason or even the primary reason I stay. That would be ridiculous. But it helps soothe me when I freak about the old adage, "once a cheater, always a cheater."


Me, BS, 30s
Him, WS, 30s, Steppenwolf
Kids: Yep
D-Day 1: September 2011, 6 week EA
D-Day 2: January 2013, discovered EA was a PA; there was another PA in 2010. All TT.
Goal = serenity.

Posts: 667 | Registered: Oct 2012
heme
♀ Member
Member # 40684
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to admit Im quite interested in statistics so I looked this up. Approx 15-20% of people who cheat become repeat offenders..

Statistics don't show the environment of the affairs or the people involved. Remember YOUR situation is different from anyone else. Statistics can be interesting and a bit reassuring (I use to think that once someone cheated they will always cheat again, not so) at times your situation can't be defined by a number..


BS: Me (30)
WS: Husband (31)
Married 8 years, together 9
D-Day: Sept 10, 2013
D-Day2: May 31, 2014
Children: 5, ages 7, 5, 3, 1 and due in September

Leaning towards leaving, no one deserves this pain.


Posts: 204 | Registered: Sep 2013
Yakamishi
♂ Member
Member # 38230
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks folks.

I'm a very logic driven man. So I tend to use stats to give me assurance or caustionary hope.

WW is up and down. There are days I couldn't love her more. Then others where I scratch my head and wonder if she even cares. Getting her to do the work is a struggle. I can't understand for the life of me that given what she has done, given that she's been given a second chance, why on earth wouldn't she do everything...ANYTHING... to make things better. Yet putting a book in her hands is an exercise akin to getting my teenagers to clean their rooms.

sigh. 20%? Welp, I'll take it. Happily.


Me: BH
Her: WW Mrs.yaka
Kids:4
Variouse clues to EA. WW promised it would stop.
D-Day of EA 9/13/2012 2:01PM found 2 yrs of text messages, confessed to EA
D-Day of PA: confessed on 9/22/12 11:53 PM. Worst moment of my life

Posts: 211 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Massachusetts
AppleBlossom
♀ Member
Member # 38541
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you are into statistics, then you would also know about cause and effect as well as confounding factors.

In my mind the question would be about the causes/excuses for infidelity (unresolved FOO issues, just being an arsehole) and whether the causes had been addressed.

If you dont address the weaknesses in an individual that lead to them making those poor choices, I would say the odds would be around 100%.


Posts: 154 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Australia
LostAngry
♀ Member
Member # 40808
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to admit Im quite interested in statistics so I looked this up. Approx 15-20% of people who cheat become repeat offenders..

The problem with these numbers is we do not know who they polled. Are they people who stayed together after infidelity? Does it include those who divorced and went on to find new relationships?

I am guessing that number is low. It sounds more accurate for those who stayed and worked on R. I do not believe it is 20% for WSs that did not do the work.


"How People treat you is their Karma. How you react is yours"
Wayne Dyer

Posts: 83 | Registered: Sep 2013
Topic Posts: 8

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