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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Scared to tell him I love you
Joanh
♀ Member
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I never know if I should or shouldn't. Will it make his day worse or better, should this expression of feeling just be kept to myself. I don't want to be overly mushly,It's just sometimes like right now for now reason at all, but that I just have this overwhelming feeling of love, it makes my heart pitter pat, and I just want him to know , but I am so scared that he will think . "Why she have to say that now my day I have to think about her cheating,.....and then it goes." I don't want to wreck his day.
And all this comes over me just from baking some cookies for him.
Just looking for others opinions WS and BS alike.
Iam getting to a point right now I am second guessing everything I do


BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....

Posts: 317 | Registered: Apr 2013
Joanh
♀ Member
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This isn't just a Good nite love you, or have a good day love you. Which we say to each other. Its a I love you, my heart is filled, and Its been probably 2 years since I have wanted to say that. I have been feeling that lately, and I just want to express it. Just not sure if it will do more damage than good


BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....

Posts: 317 | Registered: Apr 2013
Joanh
♀ Member
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry folks, this is why I wish we had councelors in our area so I can talk. As I typing I am thinking so much about this and starting to realize this is how I do feel about my Husband I do love him, I just didn't understand it. Does that make sense. I have nightmares for most of our marriage about him dying and me never getting there in time to tell him how much I love him. I would wake up crying from the fear and sadness. I shut that off, it was killing me . It made it so hard when he would leave for work. I would loose a day ortwo, spent on the couch sad. I think part of me that deals with pain, shut down closed up. My fear of loosing him over road my ability to just love and what the creator had in store would happen. My ability to control my world. If I didn't love or be vulnerable to that pain it wouldn't hurt. But it back fired. It made me cold and not see and hear the love my husband was so often showing me..
God what have I done.


BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....

Posts: 317 | Registered: Apr 2013
lostcovenants
♀ Member
Member # 40637
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tell him, and apologize again. I can't hear this enough from my ws. What is hurtful is that he loves me but is not in love with me, and hasn't decided if he wants to stay....

Say it, mean it, apologize.


BS - 59; fWH - 58 (yes, I believe he is a fWH now!)
2 grown children, 1 grandchild; Married 36 years, he is my only
D-day 7/8/13; Married OW, PA 2009-2011(updated tt) sexting with same OW 2012-2013. Broke it off about a week before I found out. Ina

Posts: 84 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
Joanh
♀ Member
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did tell him, He's aaway at work but I did it anyways out of the blue text and told him his cookies were made.He loves chocolate chip cookies :-)) Not sure how he really reacted cause I am not there.


BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....

Posts: 317 | Registered: Apr 2013
20WrongsVs1
♀ Member
Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There are literally no counselors in your area? Some offer services over Skype. You're going through a tumultuous time. IC has been so helpful for me.


^^Everything I write, IMHO & YMMV.^^
fWW: 42, amazing H and two elementary-age kids.
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing & rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about.

Posts: 763 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
Joanh
♀ Member
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been going to one in town here. He kinda not working out. spends a lot of time on my BH and not on me. And my BH does not like him partly the IC and partly wont own any issue with marriage but that's a whole different thing.
The councelors are not available easy either , so if there is something that is happening that I need to talk about it could be a long wait.
So haven't gone for 2 months
Trying a new councelor on Friday, problem is 1 1/2 hours away and $100 hour. Since my BH not thrilled on the Psycho mumbo stuff not sure he will be happy to pay for this. And we don't have insurance. Will see. I booked it anyways and I had 4 clients last week so it will cover 2 sessions at least.
I've been talking to a girl friend but she getting to a point where she wants to say enough is enough either leave or smarten up. Doesn't get the healing part of it.


BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....

Posts: 317 | Registered: Apr 2013
numb&dumb
♂ Member
Member # 28542
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think it is ever a bad thing. He may trigger, but he probably would anyway.

In my reply to your other post I mentioned the I love you + something you admire about him. If you were like my W simple I love yous were said a lot. If they were genuine at the time or not, the ILY by itself can be a problem, making it more specific is better.

I get that you have a lot of fear, but being vulnerable and showing that to him is the only way he will see your sincerity.

BS tend to pick up on things that aren't said, even if we can't recognize it in ourselves. Be careful about that. Holding back because of this fear can be interpreted in a number of negative ways.

Keep going, the effort today pays dividends further down the road.


Me-35 her-35

DS 1, DD 6
Dday 8/31/11. ONS that occurred 3 years earlier. Lied to for 3 years.

Every truth comes to light in a long enough timeline.


Posts: 2455 | Registered: May 2010
OnAnIsland
♀ Member
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 3:22 AM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tell him. And keep doing loving things and making yourself a safer partner.


D-day: Christmas 2011 when i saw a text from MarriedOW to WH
D-day 2: 3/28/2013: confessed phone sex over 10 years ago (2000 or 2001) with another OW

Married for over 14 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school


Posts: 1419 | Registered: Dec 2011
TheAmazingWondertwin
♀ Member
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tell him. Show him. I need that from my WS. All the time. I often tell him that it feels like I am standing on a high cliff about to fall over- when he say he loves me, takes my hand, cooks dinner, bakes me brownies :) these are all acts that make me feel as if he is holding onto me and not letting me fall over that cliff.
I wish you nothing but peace.


Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
Him- FWS
14 years- 2 middle school children
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC

Posts: 470 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
standinghere
♂ Member
Member # 34689
Default  Posted: 4:23 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Scream it at him. Crush your fear of the words and yell it out to the sky. Is he worth loving? How will he know if you don't show him with intensity?

Scared

That sums up my wife's interactions and feelings.

She tells me she loves me, quietly, tearfully, but that is not what I want. I want her to shout it at me, to scream it, to yell it out loud, to make the house ring with it, sending it out like a roaring wind, to startle the kids with the boisterousness of it all.

Why?

She betrayed me in public, in front of friends, family, our children, strangers. Did so joyfully, excitedly, energetically. Tried to humiliate me. Threw all caution to the wind over a deadbeat father who cheated on his wife whenever he got the chance.

Now, so shy about her love for me? Someone who stuck by in thick and thin, who was there for every birthday, every anniversary, every illness, every terrible trial and remained faithful despite the hellish mess i endured.

Yeah, yell it like you mean it.


BH - Me - Late 30's (now late 40's)
WW - Her - Late 30's (now late 40's)
4 Children
Her - Love of my life...still is.
Reconciled - Partly...she can't get over it.
Her - Thunderstruck by what she did.

Posts: 892 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 11

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