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User Topic: Trigger girl
inshockandhurt
♀ Member
Member # 38789
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband and I participate in a psychology group, we are both taking classes at the local jr. college and we joined the group for fun. I was excited at first and I still enjoy the group itself, but the first day we went there was a woman in the group who was an immediate trigger. She is exactly WH's type and very like the OW. She is a drama major just like the OW and since we all go to the the school it is likely they may even be friends. The trigger girl has similar mannerisms to the OW, same body style, flirty nature and some other stuff. The minute I saw her I started triggering and my first sad thought was, "my husband wouldn't do that, he loves me", and then I realized that that is a stupid thing to think because he did it before so I know I can't trust him. We talked about it and he says he understands and he even offered to quit going to the group, but I told him not to do that, he was really excited to go to the group, even more than I was and I don't want to put him in a cage. We have gone to a few more meetings of the group and I have conceived a strong dislike for the poor trigger girl, which is unfair because she has done nothing wrong and is probably a very nice person. Anyway, I guess my question is, have any of you had a similar problem? And if you have, what did you do about it?


Me: 29 BS
Him:31 WS
D-day1: caught July-ish of 05
D-day2: caught 2/17/13 6 month EA/PA
Both were with friends of mine
2 sons
Trying to reconcile

"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past."


Posts: 278 | Registered: Mar 2013
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, I haven't been in that sitch. I do know I would have the same feelings you do about it, though.

I feel it was very empathetic of your WH to suggest he stop going. You probably would still trigger, though.

What I feel might help me if I was in this situation I would want my FWH to be more "hands on" with me. Like, holding my hand, or sitting with his arm around me. Physical touch of my FWH really calms my triggers, maybe it will help you, too.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9844 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
inshockandhurt
♀ Member
Member # 38789
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for replying Sister. I was glad too that he offered to quit going, and you are right I would probably still be triggering about it, because it's not really about her at all. My husband is being physical at the meetings, we usually snag the couch to sit on together and he holds my hand or pulls me to lean against him or just puts his arm around me and it does help. Thank you again for your response, I am glad you didn't say I was just being ridiculous.


Me: 29 BS
Him:31 WS
D-day1: caught July-ish of 05
D-day2: caught 2/17/13 6 month EA/PA
Both were with friends of mine
2 sons
Trying to reconcile

"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past."


Posts: 278 | Registered: Mar 2013
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hells no, your not being ridiculous at all.
^^^^^^^(Picture DS17 rolling his eyes at dear old mom. )

A trigger is a trigger and we really don't have control over what causes us to trigger. Maybe some more will stop by and see if they have more advice on how to help you with this trigger.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 6:32 PM, October 6th (Sunday)]


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9844 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
inshockandhurt
♀ Member
Member # 38789
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Sister.


Me: 29 BS
Him:31 WS
D-day1: caught July-ish of 05
D-day2: caught 2/17/13 6 month EA/PA
Both were with friends of mine
2 sons
Trying to reconcile

"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past."


Posts: 278 | Registered: Mar 2013
inshockandhurt
♀ Member
Member # 38789
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone else have any experience with this?


Me: 29 BS
Him:31 WS
D-day1: caught July-ish of 05
D-day2: caught 2/17/13 6 month EA/PA
Both were with friends of mine
2 sons
Trying to reconcile

"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past."


Posts: 278 | Registered: Mar 2013
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I absolutely do. One of my cousin's friends looks very similar to OW (heavy set, hair home bleached a toilet yellow color, big, upturned nose that is pierced). She's probably a very nice girl, but I can't even stand talking to her.

I used to avoid any events she will be at. But we are 6 years out, and have since moved, so I don't know how I'd react now.

If I read correctly, your Dday is still relatively new. Don't get down on yourself. Triggers pop up in the strangest of places.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
OC born 3/08
OC Adopted 2014

Reconciled


Posts: 2316 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
inshockandhurt
♀ Member
Member # 38789
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for replying. I am trying not to get down on myself, that's been hard lately for sure. :(


Me: 29 BS
Him:31 WS
D-day1: caught July-ish of 05
D-day2: caught 2/17/13 6 month EA/PA
Both were with friends of mine
2 sons
Trying to reconcile

"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past."


Posts: 278 | Registered: Mar 2013
Topic Posts: 8

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