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User Topic: Formal Thank You...
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry for jumping in here late. But this thread has bothered me.

When I first came to SI my H and I were long into R. I thought I was in great shape...

But I was so full of anger towards the OW (an old friend) that it clouded everything I did.

I went into the Wayward forum and was really unkind to a member that posted there. I was so blinded by my anger I let myself take my pain out on someone else who was hurting as badly as I was.

I dont know if it was DS or AN, but I was publicly called out and booted from the Wayward forum.

Initially I was dare they, eff them, those assholes in that forum...etc etc.

I was humiliated, but why shouldn't I be called out for being disrespectful? It allowed other members to know someone had their back and it also taught me to think before flying off all pissed off.

It was also the reason I started to look at my anger. I finally realized that the pain I was in was eating me alive and I had allowed it to turn me into a cynical mean-spirited person.

I read Safeguards original comments in JFO and I cringed. Not only because I felt the pain towards the original poster but I knew the pain Safeguard allowed to take over her words.

Kudos to the mods for calling me out that day. I am thankful I was given the opportunity to see where my anger was taking me and I am forever grateful for the ones who walked this site ahead of me that helped me work through it.

Wherever Safeguard lands, I hope she finds peace, comfort and a way through the pain we all feel during this process.

Thanks Mods, and SI. For me, your stepping in was a godsend.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3850 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

people actually complain to the mods about other posters?

his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”

Posts: 5324 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
♀ Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm all for the mods' decisions. During the few years I've been on this site, the mods have shown great mercy and restraint, and I haven't witnessed gratuitous censure or slapping. It is evident when someone is in pain, and has a "slip-up." I've seen the mods give leeway. Never did I think they showed favoritism. Most people I've seen corrected (and I am one of them on at least one occasion, maybe more, I can't remember) humbly recognize they were out of line, and back off.

I'm not sure what is really going on inside you safeguard, but I know you are in pain manifested by anger and denial. I hope you get it figured out and get your healing.

Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
♀ Member
Member # 21538
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I took Safeguard's thread as a legitimate statement. It was a provocative one given the nature of this site and the nature of the statement, but I didn't perceive ill intent behind the original thread

As did I.

I respect the moderators very much. I understand their job is all encompassing for the entire board.

I didn't read the JFO thread, even though it was referenced.

I found the topic interesting, and not because I fell for any bait. Whether or not the topic came from a snarky place or not it is something that I personally found worthy of discussion.

I may be on the more clueless end of understanding the underlying traffic of a thread/on the board, but being piqued and commenting doesn't make me or anyone else a rube, IMO.

Still think the thread was interesting, I know I got something out of it.

Thank you to the mods for letting it go on, even if it was a pain in the butt.

I don't respect anyone that can't spell a word more than one way:)

Posts: 3157 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Michigan
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

board, but being piqued and commenting doesn't make me or anyone else a rube, IMO

I really apologise if that was inferred from my comment (and I can see why). I wrote too hastily and it was rather more about the OP not owning her stuff - i didn't even read much of the thread and I am sorry that I in any way implied others were 'rubes', which was not my underlying feeling (now going to go and look it up), and I am genuinely sorry if it was taken that way.

Eta: ok, looked it up and am happy to declare myself an utter rube.

[This message edited by Edie at 4:00 PM, October 7th (Monday)]

Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 5130 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^ what redrock said is what I thought...

I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" because I like the Music City. I did know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 883 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Mountain West
♀ Member
Member # 31529
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This entire debacle has been so disappointing. I thought this was a safe space to vent, roll around in whatever place we were on the road to our recovery and be treated with respect for that, encouraged to move forward and challenged to become better, healthier and clearer in our needs, wants and expectations.

That is not what this site seems to be now.

It is so sad, such a waste of what was an amazing site with some amazing people. I'm not sure what happened, but the lack of respect I have seen lately is disturbing. It has not been the healthy behavior that leads to understanding and healing that I associated with this site.

Me-BW (45)
Him-WS (42)
DS 19 (prior relationship)
DDay #1- 10/22/2010 EA/PA with MOW coworker
Dday#2:11/17/2010 beginning secret emails with potential OW#2
DDay #3 11/22/2010 still seeing OW#1
Too many DD's to count: Now up to OW #6.

Posts: 696 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: the south
SI Staff
Member # 10
Red  Posted: 8:21 AM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I'm not sure what happened

Since you bumped a topic that had since died, perhaps you should do the rest of your research to what led up to this "debacle" instead of, what appears to be, you poking the hornets next all over again.

So maybe instead of bumping this topic after 7 pages, how about we start to refocus on supporting others on here...that's really the point, isn't it?

This site is perfectly safe, that adage gets tiresome when thrown around when some refuse to follow very simple and easy guidelines.

Posts: 10004 | Registered: May 2002
Topic Posts: 88
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