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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Miss them already!
sleepless34
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, Mr. Integrity has just come to collect the children for their first "sleepover." They are excited, and I am not really worried about them as far as their safety, but it feels terrible nontheless.

All of a sudden, this lazy ass dad who did nothing except lay around watching football or chatting on line with whores is now Dad of the Year. My little one said "he has so many fun things for us to do over his pad. He has an xbox and all these games, and we are going to MAKE our halloween costumes. And we made a yodel cake.And he bought us clothes and new pajamas and hair accessories."

Overcompensating much? This arsehole did so little in the past. He has really never played wii or xbox at our house, I don't think I have seen him initiate playing with the kids in years. He has never willingly stepped foot in a children's clothing store and on rare days when I had to have him get the kids ready their clothes were mismatched, hair all knotty, faces dirty. He didn't care. BUT NOW HE IS FATHER OF THE YEAR. I had to beg him to help with homework or bathes or family activities. Now, he is the HERO and lavishing all this attention on them to win them over....it is sickening.

The good news is that is actually better for them now, he will be a better dad.

The bad news is that I feel like I am taking it up the butt. I feel like he gets to betray me, screw me, treat me so disrespectfully and I have to TAKE THE HIGH ROAD because of the kids. WTF? Why does he get to get off scott free? When is going to get his? Man, I know what everyone is going to say about karma, but F**K I want something more immediate and satisfying that teaches this F**Ker that you can't just Screw over your loyal wife and partner of 15 years and not have consequences.


Mother F**ker. I am pissed all over again!!!!

He entertains them the whole time, tries to think up fun things for them to do together. Complains he doesn't get enough time with them to properly father them and help with homework and tuck them in at night. All the things he seemed to avoid in the past.

Apparently, the problem was just with me. I was preventing him from being a good parent by being too controlling and bossy. Yah, I am sure.


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
LadyQ
♀ Member
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Take heart. In my sitch, that over-the-top Disney Dad behavior had a very limited shelf life. In fact in the last 3 or 4 months, he hasn't done anything with them. They just go to his house and hangout for two days. He doesn't take them anywhere. So, it really only lasted about a year.


Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
Melody3
♀ Member
Member # 33591
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree it may have a shelf life.


BS (me): 38
WH: 38
Separated: 9/2/2010
DDay: 10/2010 PA with OW. Married 13 yrs, Together 20
Two kids, 8 (daughter) & 4(son)
Divorced 12/2013
OW moves 10 min's away from kids and I with my Ex. 6/2014.

Posts: 788 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Midwest
Melody3
♀ Member
Member # 33591
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also think as your children get older they will understand what type of guy dad really is and that you are the one there for all their needs........not just their wants.......


BS (me): 38
WH: 38
Separated: 9/2/2010
DDay: 10/2010 PA with OW. Married 13 yrs, Together 20
Two kids, 8 (daughter) & 4(son)
Divorced 12/2013
OW moves 10 min's away from kids and I with my Ex. 6/2014.

Posts: 788 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Midwest
anewday78
♂ Member
Member # 39357
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

God, this has got to be so difficult. I don't have kids so I can only imagine how you feel right now. I think your anger is justified but rather than focusing on what was, perhaps focusing on the present will help you move through the pain and anger easier. Presently, he's building a bond with your children and letting them know that he loves them, wants to be with them, and that none of this is their fault. As innocent as they are and as much as you love them, you must find some comfort in that.
The true source of your pain right now is that he seems virtually unscathed by all if this. Let me tell you what I DO KNOW: a man is truly only as good as the woman standing behind him. That said, he losses from this point forward. The woman who tore him out of his marital home, away from the two most important things in his world, is an amoral low-life that wouldn't know love, loyalty, respect, and INTEGRITY if they all walked right up to her and slapped her across her wretched face. This is the caliber of people your stbxh has chosen to have standing behind him and unfortunately, he has become one of them and this will not go unnoticed by those who do not have a window into your family life. Unfortunately, your daughters, too, will learn this over time, so for now, let them believe in the magic of Santa Clause, the tooth fairy, and the Easter bunny because once they learn all that magic is not rooted in reality, all they'll have left staring them in their faces is the pathetic coward that was once their Disney Dad.
(((Sleepless)))

Posts: 350 | Registered: May 2013
sleepless34
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, thank you for your kind words. I just reviewed the financial documents that came over from his lawyer...seeing all the credit card and pay pal charges highlighted all the many, many lies he has told me over the last 1.5 years.

It is so discusting. What a pathetic, dispicable, nasty, lowlife, lying, cheating, filthy, narsiccistic mother F**Ker. I know Karma will get him, but I don't have that kind of patience. What an absolute pig I would like to cover his junk in hot sauce and then pick away at his balls bit by bit slowly with a dull cocktail fork.

I can not believe I married this man and thought he was a great guy. He was a lying, cheating pig. I feel soooo stupid. What a waste of 15 years.....

He gave me my two beautiful girls, and I am thankful he didn't abandon them too and that he is trying to do right by them at least, but really, he has already failed them by showing them that honesty, loyalty and love are not important. I really, really, really HATE him.


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
anewday78
♂ Member
Member # 39357
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're overlooking one EXTREMELY important element of this equation when you say:
he has already failed them by showing them that honesty, loyalty and love are not important.
that element is YOU. He cannot undo or eclipse the influence you impress upon them. It is up to YOU to teach them the importance of those things and it is up to YOU to teach them that they should not stay with any many who does not value the importance of those things. So far you're doing an excellent job. Don't underestimate your own power - you have every bit of potential to make the kind of waves in your lives that your stbxh has made. Just make sure the powerful waves you create carry those around you to a better, happier, and safer place.

You WILL emerge from this the victor. That outcome may not seem to be anywhere in sight right now, but it is inevitable. For every action there is an equal or greater reaction. People who put their own selfish needs ahead of others will one day have their needs go unmet by those who no longer have any use for them. His day WILL come. If its not his children who reject him in the future, it will be the woman he misjudged as the "beacon of integrity" who will toss him away like the piece of trash he became the day he hooked his star to her broken wagon.


Posts: 350 | Registered: May 2013
Topic Posts: 7

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