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User Topic: how did your home life affect your decision?
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My home life didn't affect my decision. I affected my own decision. I stayed for 2 years "trying to work it out" for the kids but the reality was the kids were an excuse in my case. I stayed because I had severe codependancy issues. Once I worked on that enough I was able to file and start to move on. My kids are doing fine so far and adjusting to the 50/50 custody. I wish I had left sooner. I wouldn't have wasted and additional 2 years of my life that I can't get back.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 9:04 AM, October 4th (Friday)]

D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1922 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
♀ Member
Member # 37634
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear Abby put it succinctly, and it applies to anyone's situation. Simply put, you must answer the question: "Are you (and the kids) better off with or without him?"

In my case, the picture I see if we D is definitely worse than our current situation, for several reasons. Is it ideal? No. But is it better than the whole D scene? Yes.

Me: BS, 50
Him: WH, 50, serial cheater and compulsive liar, possible SA and NPD
Married 17 years, together 26
3 kids: 10, 13, and 15
Was afraid to confront while overseas, now home safely and can decide next step

Posts: 251 | Registered: Nov 2012
♀ Member
Member # 40852
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I considered my children before I made a decision.

In my position, the timeline was a factor as well. My husband had basically a ONS - there was a hook up, he came home and sexted her, they texted one other day, but I found out four days after the hook up. Our marriage had been in a rough spot for a while because my husband is an alcoholic.

That being said, he returned home Sunday (when he sexted her), called his sponsor Monday morning and started going to AA every single day, he texted her Wed., I found out Thursday and confronted him. He came clean.

Had he not been working on his sobriety before I found out, that would have been a deal breaker. Period. He'd already been through rehab two years prior.

Me: BS
Him: WH ONS/short EA
Married 11 years
Together 15 years
2 children

Posts: 64 | Registered: Oct 2013
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh heck yah, it influenced my decision, lucky for him. Otherwise I would have walked.

I had young children, that I was really unwilling to share, and prior to the A, he had been a stellar dad. (one point for staying)

He had lost his job, and according to the D Attorney I saw I would be most likely the one to pay CS, and even spousal support (10 points for staying) I wanted that MF'r back to work as quickly as possible, and no way in hell was I gonna give him $$ to live on whwen he was the one who F'd the Marriage.

I loved my home (1 point for staying) Was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to afford the house on one income alone.

I didn't want the kids to have to change schools (1 point for staying).

So yah there were a few factors that played into my deciding to stay, and try, but primarily I loved him, and wanted to make it work. Putting up with as much as I did, you bet, the above stopped me from kicking him to the curb more than once.

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8785 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
♀ Member
Member # 29265
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes it did.

If we didn't have kids i doubt we would still be together, he made very little effort in the early days after dd and had it just been me i would have let it go. I tried double the amount i should have had too for the sake of the family.

Together 14 yrs
BW - Me
WH - Him
3 Children
DD 20th June 2010 actual affair was early 2008 for roughly 10 wks.

Posts: 247 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
♀ Member
Member # 40753
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I totally understand not wanting OW to evenknow what my kids look like or even their names. They showed each other pics of their kids and he even showed her one of me. She said I was beautiful, oh how sweet of her, I guess that was supposed to make me feel better I've gotten different stories as to when this happened, for all I know he showed her the 'special' pics your heart out bitch!

The fact that he even brought our children into their disgusting A makes me sick

Me: BW 31
Him: WH 30
OW: 22yo whore who is still planning her wedding
Married 3yrs, together 5
4 kids, all boys 14, 11, 4 and 8mos...I hope like hell they don't hurt someone the way he hurt their mama
Dday: August 9, 2013
S, until his head

Posts: 206 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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