I didn't end up telling.
OW was mean to her H off and on all their "marriage". She kicked him out at least 3 times because she said she was still in love with my H, whom she broke up with 20+ years ago. Her H asked her to marry multiple times but she kept saying no--she was in love with my H still, despite the fact she knew my H was married. She didn't care...she still thought they could somehow get back together
So her H knew all along that she was "in love" with H.
Its very sad to me. This poor guy never getting her full love and yet he hung around all those years.
I looked him up on you tube...he's a musician and he was playing his instrument. He seemed like such a sweet and cool guy. Very attractive. very talented. very soft spoken. I have no idea why he just hangs around for 20+ years for her crumbs--they did eventually marry 3 years ago...when he knows she doesn't love him.
I am almost afraid it would kill him if he knew she was actively having an affair.
but sometimes i think--he probably does know but doesn't leave.