SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

does it eat you up every day that you haven't?

At first I didn't because I didn't know better and after the husband told the skankface NC she fired back threatening his job and life if he told. I was scared. I"m a SAHM.

Well now he doesn't work for that company any more. But it's been almost 5 months since d day.

It eats me up every single day that I haven't told the OBS. Is it too late? I have nightmares that they have gotten engaged and I'm too late to tell him.

I'm worried to that since she's finally not contacted us since July that she will again and I don't want to deal with that. And of course the husband doesn't think we need to ruin the OBS life by telling but truthfully I feel like we are if we don't tell.

If I would have been just dating the husband and I found out he cheated I would have left his sorry ass..

I didn't. I tried but couldn't find any contact info and stupidly tried OW who gave me a false number. Of course she was married 5 months ago and now is in a relationship with the man whose number she did give me (WTF!?!?). She is a piece of work and honestly I don't care anymore.

I don't think it's ever too late though.

My H had more than one affair. Only one with a Married other woman. I didn't tell. H would have lost his career, I am also a SAHM. I wasn't willing to risk his job and health insurance that I really really need. My kids come first and bottom line is I will do what is best for them.

I have more reasons as well but anyway...I did not feel bad. My H wasn't her first or last affair. He H kicked her out about a year after the affair anyway. I don't know why. I focused on my family.

Nothing is fair about infidelity- NOTHING.

IF IF IF another one of his OW were married and not tied to his work I might have told.

Do what is right for you, what you can live with.

Only 2 of my H's OW had a SO. One was married and her H knew. I have messages between him and my H discussing how good his wife was so that's confirmed. The other SO is daddy to 6 or OW's 7 babies. They have been off and on for years. They recently got engaged and I considered telling. It had been over a year since there was any contact and 2 years since the end of the A. I decided not to tell. Mostly because OW is crazy. I knew telling her F would result in contact from her and I'd rather she leave me and my family alone forever. Protecting my family was more important to me.

Well Cuppa, today's you're lucky day.

It's NEVER TOO LATE to the tell the BS.

And now, you don't have to worry about it having an adverse affect on your husband's job or your family's financial security.

It's the right thing to do, Cuppa. You found out about the affair and that afforded you the opportunity to make informed choices about your own life, your marriage, and your family's future. It's only right that the BH is afforded the SAME consideration as you.

To not tell him is to keep her dirty secret FOR her.

Please tell him.

No, it's not too late to inform the other BS. I wish I had had the nerve to let the BH know when I suspected, I know he had a gut feeling too as I did, but I think we were both scared to voice our fears.

it's really affecting me mentally. I can't sleep at night and I get so angry about it.

I don't think the husband is in the fog about protecting her. Deep down I think he's afraid his old work friends will find out.

I just don't think I could live with myself if they got married and I never informed him. Trust me my husband is no saint and neither am I but this poor guy thinks he has the most faithful awesome girlfriend on earth and that's not the case.

Sorry but good faithful girls don't offer up blow jobs or carry condoms when she's on the shot and her bf lives 2 hours away. I think she went with my husband because she figured being married he'd never tell and she'd be safe.

As others have said, it is not too late. It took me almost eight months. I chose to believe my H, who chose to believe the MCOW, that she had told her H and he didn't care. Yeah, I was dumb.

I really regret that it took me so long. I regret that the other BS didn't know what was really going on, when I could have enlightened him. And it was the most effective thing I did to stab the lingering life out of the A.

It's hard to do. I was in a place of huge anger -- the MCOW came to our house, while our son was there, and was a crazy mess. That gave me the push I needed. I wish I had pushed myself earlier. I hope you can be a better and stronger person than I was.

Ultimately no we never told the OBS. Of course AP was an attorney with a trust fund slightly smaller in worth than the federal deficit, and she had underhandedly threatened H with suit of Libel, and slander should we tell, of course at the time he was out of work, and we were living off my salary. My H was number 3 in her line of A's, and she had a similar Modus Operandi, so I seriously doubt that he didn't know on some level, and if he didn't he chose to put his head in the sand.

About 7-8 months post Dday, she tried to contact my H again, He let loose on her. Said to leave him the hell alone, that she was a sad pathetic pos, and that he felt sorry for her BS, and that if she contacted him ever again he would drive to their city, and his work, and inform him face to face, with enough proof that he would be able confirm it as truth. That was it, never heard from her again.

In most cases, I think it's always better to know, because then a person can go ahead and make decisions based on knowledge, instead of having some major piece of the puzzle missing.

HOWEVER, if informing someone will come back to bite you, such as if your WS might lose a job (and health insurance!) over it, and that will affect your income, your ability to pay bills, which will in turn affect your children & your and your children's health care coverage, and jeopardize income for the rent/housepayments & bills on the home you've made for you and the kiddos, then I wouldn't tell.

Chances are if the other person has had an A, they've probably had more than one A with other persons.

Is there any way you can inform the other person anonymously? Like using one of those re-mailing places so the postmark isn't from your town or even your state? Or could you use one of those places that will make phone calls for a fee? --but only if you could get away with it and not have this info pointed back at you.

I bided my time. WH thought that OW was a bunny boiler, so I waited until he had left that job to send a note to her BF -- about 6mo after DD. WH was very much against this, so he doesn't know I did it. (The only way he would know is if she told him, soooooo....) I have no idea what ensued, but it made me feel better.

I did not tell other BS. DDay all hell broke loose and her husband found out that our spouses kissed. She minimized the affair. Told me I was overreacting, etc. I am sure husband doesn't know the whole story. The husband has rug swept in the past so I know he wouldn't have believed me!

I didn't tell. OW is a manic depressive with a gun fetish. She scares me. But it eats me up. I wish I felt I could tell him without endangering my family.

The OW was more like an OG she was fresh out of college and 23. The husband complained to her about how he had only been with me and he always wanted to know what it would be like to be with someone else. She decided to help him out.

I don't know if she's been the OW before but it wouldn't surprise me if she cheated on her bf again. Just not with my husband!

I still struggle with it.

I'm also a SAHM and I worried about MrH's job. If he went after MrH personally or physically, I didn't care. I worried about my kids and what would happen if the BH went after MrH's job. As a contractor, he didn't have the job security xOw2 has as staff.

I knew they were getting a D (I had proof of it through online public records). So I just kept putting it off. I'd ask here and not really get any answers.

Even now, sometimes I wonder...should I tell him so he knows what happened at the end of his M?

I would tell, but the OW is separated (but living in same house, different areas of it) and getting divorced. Also, he's abusive and she has kids. Basically, it's not worth the kids having more trauma. Even if they're not my kids, they still don't deserve that.

That said, it's not fair to them either to live in a house built on a foundation of lies. I grew up in that and it was not healthy.

I wanted to but I couldn't figure out how to contact him. He's not on OW's friend list on Facebook and google didn't come up with anything.

Only 2 of my H's OW had a SO. One was married and her H knew. I have messages between him and my H discussing how good his wife was so that's confirmed.

musiclovingmom that's... I don't know what... but beyond sick IMO

OW had a BF when she was with WH. I know his full name but never felt bad enough to tell or even find out if I can find him. I found out today he proposed to her. Now I feel guilty and may have to find a way to tell him.

I wanted to tell ow's bf but then I found out she had actually had a few flings with him while she had a live-in bf. This was before the PA started with my H. I'm sure she told him things were over with her bf and and he was an asshole and miserable and all the bs she told my H. But still, he cheated with her. So I don't owe him anything.

I would LOVE for him to know just to blow up her world but I can't do it. Not worth the shitshow it would bring into our lives. At least not while her and H are still working at the same company.