Because of the support my parents were willing to give me I feel like I was able to make a choice independent of finances. But I didn't leave WH.
WH came out of the fog with a vengeance and has been a great H for a change. The kids are doing better than ever (during his 2 yr affair my DD started having a lot of anxiety and needed counseling/she's very empathetic and a bit prescient).
So now we're a bit more than a year out of trying to put it all back together. My parents, who used to be big fans of WH, have let us both know how they now feel about WH. They worry that I'm miserable all the time and that the kids really would be better off in a happy but single parent house.
I don't let their opinions sway me. I figure that this is my life and my kids' lives and they don't play a huge role in it all, so I've talked to them on the phone weekly, sent snapshots of our vacations, but have not felt the need to subject WH to a week of Christmas at their house or some awkward family Thanksgiving.
I guess they finally figured out that this is the new reality and they are coming down for Veteran's Day week-end. They are staying in a hotel and we are staying at my brother's house (two blocks away), and EVERYBODY sans kids knows everything.
My anxiety is starting to flare. WH is down for whatever. Any tips?? Anyone have similar experiences? Does anyone have advice from years out?
Know, no matter how they feel, you have a community of people who care about you.
"Keep you in the dark you know they all pretend. Keep you in the dark and so it all began" Pretender by Foo Fighters
On the plus side for you, knowing your folks had your back with the offer to move, the $100 K wow. Lots of us here would love to have that deal! I am glad things are going well with your husband ... Hope the family weekend goes well.
Along with an apology from your husband, why not open up the lines of communication and emphatically state your terms - 1. We ARE going to work this out 2. We DO want and need your support 3. We EXPECT you to respect our decision to keep our family intact etc. Maybe all they need to heal are the same kinds of answers and accountability you sought when this was still very fresh for you.
I hope all works out for you. Don't allow your relationship with parents who (from your description) sound to be very supportive and loving to deteriorate because of this ugly situation you're overcoming - bring them on-board with the healing.
Your husband DOES owe them an explanation and a sincere, heartfelt apology.
Grandchildren are a great glue for keeping families together. At first my cousin's parents refused to let her husband in their home when they R.
But time is a great healer and when 2 grandchildren were born a year apart, that sealed the reconciliation with her parents.
However, the parents just "tolerate" having her husband around and feelings are still stressed. He doesn't go to their house, but they come to his to babysit their grandchildren.
I think a good sit down and face-to-face talk is what is needed to clear the air and that is what should happen in your situation too.
Don't deprive your kids of holiday dinners with their grandparents.
It was just a lot. I had/have stage 3 cancer, we have a daughter with chronic illness, no matter what he says his actions verge on the unforgivable.
I hope time will make it better, as for next month??