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Newest Member: Gladiator5 (45339)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Boundaries
Afraid2Balone
♀ New Member
Member # 40690
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is my first time posting. My husband is in SA. I am in SAnon. Dday was 2/20/13. I haven't been good at keeping any boundaries- especially abstinence. I am trying to change. My dilemma is what should the consequence be to a violation of my boundary. My husband and I had an agreement that we would have a discussion before he would take any action in response to a particular problem he is facing as a direct result of one of his sexual encounters. We also had agreed he wouldn't delete any emails or texts. He has broken both those agreements. The worse part is he said he knew I would disagree with what he wanted to do so he did it deliberately without asking me and has no remorse for it. In fact he doesn't think it's a big deal. My gut says to ask him to leave for a while. Is that unreasonable?

Posts: 3 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: PA
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:19 AM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38013 | Registered: Sep 2007
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did he come to you afterward and tell you or did you have to find out yourself?


BS 40
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2629 | Registered: Aug 2012
SorrowBhindSmile
♀ Member
Member # 38139
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


so he did it deliberately without asking me and has no remorse for it.

You put a boundary in place. Boundary was violated with complete and total disregard for you and your feelings. Start listening to your gut.

hugs. so very sorry for your pain.


Me: BW
Him: WH
OW: My former "dear friend"/neighbor
Married 20+
Kids: 3
D-Day 12/2012
Committed to R 7/8/2013
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle"

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013
Afraid2Balone
♀ New Member
Member # 40690
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He told me about it. We were on ou way to counseling and he told me. He had done it earlier that day. During session therapist asked if he would have done it differently and he said no he knew I wouldn't have agreed and he was going to do it anyway. We are now sleeping in separate rooms and barely speaking.
I'm on my way to individual counseling now and he's driving. It's silence. He will be called into session forwards end and hopefully I can tell him what my boundaries are

Posts: 3 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: PA
Topic Posts: 5

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