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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Even when it's going good, a little bump throws a wrench
SuperDuperWonderboy
♂ Member
Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's funny how, despite the hard work, despite the time, the affair and AP partner still lurk in the background, just waiting. Waiting to take away your peace, waiting to bring back anxiety and frustration. Just when you think it's left for a while...BAM! HEY!! REMEMBER ME!! Muahahhahahahahha!!

Nothing bad happened. JNRPA is out two weeks (well, almost two weeks, she is home for two days then back on the road). I used to really struggle when she would leave for work conferences, since that is where her affair was conducted. But really, I have been feeling better about it lately.

Someone in the Menz thread said that maybe it was just a lack of giving a crap, and someone else pointed out that JRNPA had been rebuilding trust.

I guess in reality it's a mixture of the two. JNRPA has been doing a good job of rebuilding trust (with some hiccups), but also, it is a lack of giving a crap. Not to say that I don't care about it, but I know that I can't control her and if she wants to cheat, well, I'll find out eventually, and I'll be fine. So, meh, if she is the kind of person that would subject us to this again, well...I am going to be much better off without her. Now, I don't believe that this is going to happen (but I have given her my trust before--so eyes are always a little open to the possibility).

Anyway, just got a text from her that she had gotten a call from Alabama on her cell. Which would be the AP's location. She did not answer it, and she immediately let me know...so that's a good sign. I asked her what number it was, and she called me back panicking because she had touched the number to copy it, but instead her phone dialed the number, so now it looked like she had called. Poor girl.
Turns out the phone number is a telemarking number

Good job on her part letting me know. But it makes me sad to realize that the affair is still (and will for a long time be) a huge shadow that can just pop back into the midst of our lives at any time. Something as simple as a telemarketer call, can make us sick to our stomach.

How screwed up is that? Even when the sun is shining, that dark cloud can just come storming in. Anytime, anywhere. Shoot. The price that gets paid.


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1272 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
AML04
♀ Member
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love your "I don't give a crap" attitude (mixed with the rebuilt trust of course)!! I hope someday I can get to that point.

Oh and every time I get a blocked call my BP skyrockets thinking it's his AP. Of course she would never call me but I can't help thinking it.


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
T-13 M-9
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13.
Hopeful for R

Posts: 829 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup. Triggers suck, and they're everywhere.


fBH (me) - 65+, fWW (her) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9768 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
MartlArts
♀ Member
Member # 36130
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think triggers are worst when they come out of nowhere. But sounds as if your ws is doing the right things. Sorry you both had to deal with that. Sending strength.


excerpt from an awesome quote "Forgiveness - the finishing of old business that allows us to experience the present, free of contamination from the past."

Posts: 980 | Registered: Jul 2012
SuperDuperWonderboy
♂ Member
Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks gang.

Yup, she did good. If nothing else it's an opportunity to rebuild a lot of trust. Still, it sucks when triggers hit while she's out of town. Kind of lost focus on the task at hand, and chose to spend time in SI instead of getting some much needed work down. Sigh.


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1272 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
foundoutlater
♂ Member
Member # 32900
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think part of it is that acceptance is a long road – glad you two could be honest about it all. I wonder how often the sad feeling will come around. Less and less from what the vets say and I’m glad to hear it.

I remember you posting about the “I don’t care” feeling. I’ve been thinking about how that has been for me quite a bit. For me I think it has a lot to do with getting comfortable with the change in our dynamic. “All in” means something different to me now. We were the “divorce is not an option” couple. Seriously we used to joke about it – until death meant a shotgun might be involved but not divorce. It was a joke, but I can see that the attitude was probably not healthy (about the divorce part, the shotgun was a joke). Now I am the “it’s got to be healthy for the M to work” guy. Figuring out what that means and how it meshes with “for richer and poorer, sickness and health” and what “all in” exactly it means IDK yet.


Your beliefs don’t make you a better person, your behavior does.

Posts: 1109 | Registered: Jul 2011
SuperDuperWonderboy
♂ Member
Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

“All in” means something different to me now. We were the “divorce is not an option” couple. Seriously we used to joke about it – until death meant a shotgun might be involved but not divorce.

Funny we were the same way. prior to DDay I never thought I would ever get a divorce. Now, meh. I don't want to. I love my wife. She swears that we will never get a divorce. Me....well, I don't think we will get divorced...But, I'm just gonna live my life and see how it all pans out. I'll commit to honor and cherish and be faithful, but...till death do us part? We'll see.

Funny about "never get a divorce." At six months out to me, when things were really rough...she looked at me with a smirk and said..."you will never divorce me."

Guess who has two thumbs and filed two days later....This guy.


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1272 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
Topic Posts: 7

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