Why did I not realize that something was wrong?
Why did I not think his meanness on vacation was odd?
Why was I not surprised when he ignored my birthday?
Because this was the normal!!!
What in hell was I thinking???
This was ok with me???
I am just feeling so very angry today. I feel like my heart is going to pop out of my chest.
I don't do angry. Yup, that's right, never allowed it. It was unacceptable to me, reason, never inflict more pain on anyone, always show compassion!
This is where that has gotten me!
Just venting, getting out my anger here, now, while I feel it, trying to figure out what to do with it.
I have the right to feel this anger, but I do not want to be, holy crap, I was going to type, be like him.
I have seen the crushing mindless cruelty of unleashed irrational anger, that will never come from me. I refuse to do that.
I feel a little crazy today.