Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
In Association with
Infidelity -
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: spaceplease (45329)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How to Pull BS Out of Her Deep, Dark Spiral
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


How is one supposed to judge if she is serious or not?

My brother said all those same things, and he is dead. He meant every last one. So who judges when one is serious and when one isn't? If she is going to say it, then she needs help.

Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5060 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
♀ Member
Member # 17686
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do not propose how one judges such things, I am just giving one perspective, just as others were giving theirs. I never said to not take her serious, nor did I say her H should not seek outside help.

Tired girl, I am very sorry for your loss.


We have a tendency to think the love offered us is a reflection of our worth and value.But in actuality,it's a reflection of the person that is giving it.We love out of who WE are-not because of who the receiver is.At least in terms of real love.TSMF

Posts: 3459 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: how far the east is from the west
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I absolutely believe that your concern is appropriate. I have been deeply worried about TCD after reading some of her posts. We all get down and have awful thoughts, but it seems to be a consistent pattern with her. I would urge her to get professional help. I think this is way beyond "normal" BS pain - she seems to be severely depressed.

We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6808 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Dr., NOW!!! I cannot emphasize that enough. Right now, she is a danger to herself. Do WHATEVER it takes. Listen to what she is telling you. She is giving you justifications for her suicide. Without treatment this is headed there.

Dr. NOW!!!

I'm a volunteer Critical Incident Stress Debriefer IRL. Brother, get help.

[This message edited by 5454real at 4:04 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)]

BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2979 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sounds like TCD's stated desires to die are still at a level below (just!) calling 911, though.

TCD isn't the only person who can have a list of reqs for R. You can, too.

I strongly suggest you set a requirement that TCD gets help or you call 911 the next time she sounds suicidal.

My heart goes out to you and TCD.

But solving this is not something you can do yourself. You're not a mental health professional yourself, and if you were, you can't treat a loved one effectively.

Require TCD to get help for herself, or do it for her.

If you're having a tough time dealing with this, congratulate yourself for realizing it. Even though it's tougher on TCD, it's very, very difficult to watch a anyone, especially someone you love, go through this.

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10345 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes she needs to see a Dr. ASAP! In fact what she is doing is suicide ideation.

I attempted suicide and was placed in inpatient care and outpatient for a couple of weeks. While I was there I got intensive counseling, medication and a doctor who would be treating me. I was at the end of my rope and I thank god everyday that I am here.

Please seek help for her.

BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
♀ Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please get TCD help right away. When someone is talking about dying in the way she is, you cannot try to guess what they really mean. You have to take their words as true. You have to get them help. It is not a time to worry about, am I taking too much control or am I making decisions for her. Anyone who talks like this needs to see a counselor or doctor immediately.

Call a suicide hotline -- you do it, if she will not. They are trained and will help you do the right thing.

And TTMU, even if she says, I was joking or I was exaggerating or I didn't really mean it, you still get her help / call a suicide hotline. Please do it right away. What she's saying, how often she's saying it, it's very very scary. You have to help her.

Please do it right away.

Praying for you and for TCD.

Eta: this is not below the level of 911. This is 911, if you cannot get her help any other way right now.

TTMU, I am going to pm you a URL from the university I work at about suicide risk. I work with undergraduates and I have the counseling center come talk to them in my class every year about just this. Anyone else who wants the link can pm me. I am not posting it here because I want to be anonymous on this site and do not want my workplace named.

[This message edited by StrongerOne at 10:51 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)]

DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 872 | Registered: Sep 2012
♀ Member
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 1:21 AM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Feeling too many similarities to many of you. Tonight is one such night. I hope I don't wake tomorrow and slumber in a green warm rolling meadow.

Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 28
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: Reconciliation Post Reply to this Topic
Go to :
© 2002 - 2014 All Rights Reserved.