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Newest Member: Everythingsucks1 (45359)

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User Topic: Stop me before I look again
roses303
♀ Member
Member # 40161
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm drawn to OWs Facebook page. She has blocked me but I can view the public stuff. I know I shouldn't but it is hard we used to talk on Facebook daily and she used Facebook against me during the affair so I am drawn to it.

She has picture up now of her 10 yr anniversary trip - one I was really jealous of because we did t do anything on ours. She and her BH are chatting back and forth in the comments about their exciting romantic upcoming 15 yr anniversary trip to Europe. It bugs me to no end that her BH has forgiven her this quickly. Is she that great that she can have a 7 yr off and on affair and be forgiven in 4 months.

I realize it is all probably a smokescreen. But would it hurt the karma bus to head down her street.


Me: BW - 46
Him: WH - 49
MOW: my BFF from college and good friend for 25 yrs
Married 14 years, 2 Tweens
DD: 5/20/13 2 year long EA/PAs (one 7 yrs ago and one this past year)
Status: day by day, in MC, working on R

Posts: 141 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: roses303
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stop. This is unfair to you....She deserves none of your headspace. Remember what is on facebook is about 90% bullshi! too.

But really stop looking at it. She will get her Karma, and when it does you may not know about it, and that sucks, but know there is a balance in the universe, and you cant get away with stuff like that forever.

Focus on you, and the good things you have, wether its that you lost weight, or have a new hair do, whatever, but focus on your positives, and delete facebook from your life for a while.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8714 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Block her and leave her blocked. You won't see it, but she will be more sucked in than you at that point.
I call it mind f...ing, but whatever it is called, it gives you back small measures of control and your life back.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2335 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Go get some chocolate or buy yourself a something nice. Seriously. Go do something nice for yourself and stop looking at that shit.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6809 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
strongerdaybyday
♀ Member
Member # 40264
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did/do that too. Until I realized how angry looking at her smiling face made me (seriously, I wanted to punch her in her happy smiling face).

She will get her Karma, and when it does you may not know about it, and that sucks, but know there is a balance in the universe, and you cant get away with stuff like that forever.

THIS

But bitches like my OW don't equate karma to anything they've done wrong. My OW thinks SHE'S the one who's been done wrong looney bitch.


Me-BW Him - WH
Married 6 years, together 13+ years
D-Day Summer 2013
children-3
If it is what it is then what is it?

**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**


Posts: 384 | Registered: Aug 2013
AML04
♀ Member
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 8:16 PM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FYI, she didn't block you if you can see her public stuff (unless you're not logged in).
I'm completely obsessed with OW right now. She didn't block me, just unfriended me. I blocked her but I will still view her page sometimes when I'm logged off (or ask my sister to) to see if she's posting anything.
H still works with her and she prances around like she doesn't have a care in the world. It infuriates me!!
I KNOW I need to move on and I can't give her room in my head or our M but I have no idea how to do that. I stalk her f'ing photography page too!!!! Ugh!


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
SoOver96
♀ Member
Member # 40169
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gutter Fish Troll I won't block because why should we be scared when it's our spouses not there's? For the ones that have left and are with them why not put positive things on your wall show them yes we can go on without them. we are not at fault for this they have to realize the grass is not greener on the other side I'm I right or am I wrong my

I mean how many men or woman have told their AP that they were going to leave their spouses? But, they do not but yes it is wrong of them to keep it under ground it's not fair to us.!!!! My friend she sent me the gutter fish troll post and I thought it was her gutter Fish troll before I opened it but it was not ugh


Posts: 171 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Illinois
Marathonwaseasy
♀ Member
Member # 40674
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crap. Now I've looked for the slut too
She's blocked me. Fwh isn't really on fb much. He was for a while in early ea days and she was his friend but not mine. My son was logged on my phone so I found her account.
Her fucking smiling face
Hate her
I sent her a get on with your life, look after your kids fb message in early days post dday before discovering this place and realising I needed to NC too. I also apologised for stuff I said on the phone to her. Why do I feel the need to be nice?
I wish she would just die
Aaaarrrgggh
Glad she blocked me though. Means the message I sent annoyed her


Me BS, 41
Him WS, 45
EA and PA (PA for 11 months)
DDay 13/9/13
3 children - 15,12,3
WS has bipolar, no excuse...

"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."


Posts: 421 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Ireland
Dreamland
♀ Member
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh I too get obsessed with the OW. It is unfair that they continue their lives unscathed. And we are left with the crumbs trying to keep it together. Who the dick do these bitches think they are?? I really think that we need to have some kind of litigation that protects marriage and us the BS. The OW is single and I want to sue her ass. She's damaged not only my family but three other marriages. One ended in D.
She isn't on FB anymore. Not sure if WH was a friend or not. He says no but funny how I found her pic from when she was on FB.
Ugh


Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Back AWAY from the FB, y'all!!

I did that for sooooo long. COW wasn't even on FB - I would just google her (that's how I found the warrants! )

It's like some black hole that sucks you in - and it zaps you of your energy for the whole day.

Try to redirect when you feel the urge. Notice that you are about to give the AP some energy, and think about something nice you can do for yourself instead.

I would literally redirect to travel websites. As a result, I have the PERFECT trip to Maui planned for when I hit the lottery.

Acknowledge the urge. Don't be ashamed. Force your brain/fingers to redirect to something innocuous. You will be conditioning yourself to not give a flying eff for the AP, which will go a lonnnng way towards your healing.

Hugs to all.

[This message edited by Jrazz at 12:25 PM, October 4th (Friday)]


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17846 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadly, I'm nosey too. But the silver lining? She posted a pic of herself walking away holding your daughter's hand...and I saw just how dumpy and fat she is, not to mention full on cankles. Made me feel a tiny bit better. But I know I have to stop. It's hard as she is still in our lives, works with WH.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
momwith2boys
♀ New Member
Member # 37459
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did the same thing. It seems as if her BH has forgiven her. They travelled all summer long. I don't get it. Why is she being rewarded for her behavior? FWH said that he is buying her affection. It makes me sick. i had
the worst f"n year of my life and she is going on fabulous trips and showing off her beautiful new jewelry her bs bought her all over Facebook. It makes me so mad! I know she likes to portray to everyone on fb that her life is perfect. Obviously it isn't othwise she wouldn't be screwing her friend's husband. I really need to stay off her Facebook. I unblocked her last week and just blocked her yesterday because I know it is unhealthy!


Me BW 35
husband 35
Married 10 years, together 13 years
OW-my so called "friend"
2 boys (7 & 3)
D-day 10/17/2012
D-day2-2/24/2013 told me it was her
D-day3-6/16/2013 found out affair never ended
Working on R

Posts: 35 | Registered: Nov 2012
SeanFLA
♂ Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't make assumptions through FakeBook. Odds are her life isn't all peaches and cream and one day out of the blue you may see that they are divorced when all this settles. Odds are she will cheat on him again. Block her and make a promise to yourself you won't revisit her page.


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1470 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's like some black hole that sucks you in - and it zaps you of your energy for the whole day.

YUP


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6809 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It bugs me to no end that her BH has forgiven her this quickly. Is she that great that she can have a 7 yr off and on affair and be forgiven in 4 months.

I get this. Its so unfair to see the AP have their great time with our WS then when its over they get to skate off into the sunset with really no consequences.

And I dont believe in Karma. Or I should say that my belief in it is as it was explained to me by a Hindu friend. Which is very different than the standard street definition.

I have also read Plato's Republic which is all about why it is that bad people thrive and good people suffer in this world. This was essentially the introduction of the idea of Hell. I feel that Plato failed to make his argument in this work tho. But thats just my opinion.

So about consequences to the AP. I dont believe there are any. Its a sad thing but it seems to be true in many cases.

Now it could be that your AP has not told her BH everything. And maybe thats why they appear to be getting on so well. It could be that they both are just rug sweeping and the injury is just festering beneath the surface. It could also be that her BH is a WH also and neither of them has any sort of real boundary about that.

You just dont know. And the reality is that it does not actually matter.

Yes it would be wonderful if there were some kind of horrible retribution the AP must pay. Of course our WS is someone elses AP. Still tho it would feel good to see them go through some great horrible agony and know that its cause is what they did. Its a nice dream. But dreams arent real.

The important thing is to concentrate on YOUR healing. On your life path. On building yourself into a better and more complete person.

Dont base your happiness on whether or not your AP pays some retribution. Or even base your self worth on the fact that your WH cheated on you or whether or not he works to repair the damage.

Stand up. Dust yourself off. And move on. If your WH goes with you fine otherwise also fine.

Thinking about the AP is mind poison. It will make you sick and drag you down. And the bad part is this is poison you are administrating to yourself.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Friedrich Nietzsche


Posts: 3483 | Registered: Sep 2007
Snapdragon
♀ Member
Member # 4286
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you can see anything on her page then you are NOT blocked. Assume she can see as much on your page right now.

Block her. Then she won't show up anywhere for any reason.

Block. Now.


Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.

"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink


Posts: 3086 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Midwest
Safeguard
♀ Member
Member # 38899
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fakebook. That's what I call it. I was in a relationshit with my EWF, we were engaged for five yrs. Never did get married, (it was an ugly, protracted thing.

He had been "engaged" before me too.

I remember telling him OW # who-knows, was so special, maybe you'll actually marry this one! Couple month later he did.

It didn't upset me much at that point, I once spoke to OW on the phone. Last thing I said was, "Welcome to my Nightmare."

When my ex saw I got a FB account, first thing he did was change his profile pic to one of his wedding day. Not him & OW, just of HIM in his tux. He captioned it, "The happiest day of my life". ( I guess the birth of his sons came in lower on the totem pole lol!

Then When my son earned E6 (he's an Army Sergeant.), EWF puts up a pic of OW's adult son, and writes, MY Son The Marine!"

OMG! When he met OW the kid was grown, plus he HATES her son!

His sister is my oldest and dearest friend, and she could not believe the CRAP he was posting on FakeBook!

His family has said that they are miserable together, he's still a binge drinker, and hits OW, and they are well aware that he cheats on her too.

OW is a chain smoker and is reputed to be in very ill health. She was recently diagnosed with Lupus.

There are NO pics of the two of them on either of their profiles. I wouldn't want what shes having for all the tea in China! So much for FB posts lol!

[This message edited by Safeguard at 4:34 PM, October 4th (Friday)]


"since your actions don't match your words, excuse me while I stop believing you."

Posts: 143 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 17

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