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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Now I'm just tired...
TheAmazingWondertwin
♀ Member
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 5:26 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've hit a wall. I'm just tired. Tired of crying, tired of talking about it. Tired of ... I'm just tired. Physically and emotionally drained. Things have been going as well as I could hope. In the scheme of reconciliation, I couldn't ask for a more model wayward.
I know that there are still issues we need to work on. I have a whole list. I'm at a point today where it's not burning questions about the A- many of those were answered in our all night cry fest on Sunday- but issues from pre A that were never addressed. I know we need to work through them- but I just want to take a break from the soul searching. I'm just tired.
On days that we don't "TALK" - because of our schedules an kids and work, etc.- he is still kind and affectionate. I am distant though. I'm just not present and I'm tired of "doing my part" - spontaneous kisses, hand holding, cuddling, sweet nothings. I love him, I want him to reach out- and he does- he hasn't done anything to change his actions. But after our marathon the other night- I just feel drained and like I don't have the energy to go through another one of those right now. So my questions and concerns go unanswered, which is causing me to withdraw. Not out of anger, just out of pure exhaustion.
Is this a new phase? Ill tell you it's better than the screaming pain and anxiety from two days ago, but I am worried about what it means. Have I given up? If I don't bring it up, he won't- I know that. It has to be me. an if it SHOULD be him- how do i tell him that without starting another long drawn out discussion. and if he did bring them up- i have two reactions- one is YES we need to talk about this! The other is "Jesus- are we STILL talking about this?!?"
how do I get past these questions and worries if I don't bring them up? I just can't right now. I just want to turn it off for a bit. Will I kill our chances? Oh, heavy sigh.


Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
Him- FWS
14 years- 2 middle school children
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC

Posts: 470 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
JustDesserts
♂ Member
Member # 39665
Default  Posted: 5:48 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are putting an awful lot of pressure on yourself and your reconciliation.

Word of the day: Balance.

Step back. Pause. Breathe. Then say out loud "I will strive for balance and perspective today".

Feel free to do the same tomorrow, and the next day, and the...

Wishing you comfort.

JD


2 year EA/PA. DDay 3/12. Broke NC 6/13 w/one stupid 5 line e-mail (which brought me to SI). Me: WH, 50. Her: BW, 49. Married 19 years. Two kids. Dog. Reconciling...together.

Posts: 403 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Suburbia, New England, USA
Herkemeyer
♂ Member
Member # 36910
Default  Posted: 5:52 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WT, There are so many facets to recovering from discovery about your WS behavior. I would expect a little of everything from relief to hatred. You are so fresh in this process. try to take care of yourself. I would not recommend the infidelity diet to anyone. Drink plenty of water. Think of ways to make yourself physically exhausted so you have to sleep.


BH-43
(F?)WW-39 (neznayou)
DDay-08/10/12 TT for 18 Months (I think)
Married 19 years

Posts: 98 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Colorado
topperoff22
♀ Member
Member # 40762
Default  Posted: 7:26 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We have the same Dday, first of all. Well, July 24 was my first Dday that is.

Anyhow, I am where you are....just so exhausted from it all and withdrawing.

And I have questions I want answers to as well, but I'm just too emotionally whooped to ask them. He was angry at me the other day because I wait to bring things up until days after a big discussion but it's because the biggest questions are the ones I'm afraid to ask -- who suggested the sex at first and what was said afterwards and WHY. Just WHY :(


BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month

Posts: 316 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: US
neverdidithink
♀ Member
Member # 40568
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wondertwin, We're at the same place again, but on opposite sides this time. H is tired. All this talk is exhausting and he seems to have hit the wall. He told me this morning we just can't sustain this pace.

In some respects he's right, but it also seems like a contradiction of his words over the weekend where he INSISTED that I share what I'm feeling.

I feel like I'm caught between the proverbial rock and hard place, so I've decided just to do nothing today. As much as I want to get past all the anxiety and worries, I have to give this (and us) some time. I'm worried about losing momentum, but trying to rush the process isn't helping either of us.

Join me in taking a day or two to just "be" and see how that feels?


Me: BW 52
Him: WH 55
Married 8 years
4 20-something his and hers kids

Trying to understand the behavior of some people is like trying to smell the color 9


Posts: 276 | Registered: Sep 2013
TheAmazingWondertwin
♀ Member
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

neverdid- you read my mind!
I have decided to take the break for today, and probably tomorrow as well. I don't feel "awesome" but I did give myself permission to just not do it today. He texted a sweet message when he got to work, and then called when he got an unexpected break. It was nice- but Im not buying balloons and baking a cake over it. It was nice, and he did listen as I told him about my nervousness (I started a new position 2 weeks after D day and today is a VERY big presentation). He encouraged me and told me things that helped. But I was just like..."okay, thanks"

So yes, my cyber twin, lets take a break. I hereby give us both permission!


Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
Him- FWS
14 years- 2 middle school children
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC

Posts: 470 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
neverdidithink
♀ Member
Member # 40568
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Twinnie, I hope your presenatation was fantastic!

This is hard stuff. What's the right balance of communicating without always "talking"? When does it become too much for one or both of us?

After a whole lot of introspection, I've realized just this week that some of my angst gets revved up when H doesn't respond to situations like I would. Gotta get a handle on that, we're very different people and that's a silly thing to expect...

There's wine and a baseball game on my to-do list tonight, I hope you can kick back and enjoy some peace as well.


Me: BW 52
Him: WH 55
Married 8 years
4 20-something his and hers kids

Trying to understand the behavior of some people is like trying to smell the color 9


Posts: 276 | Registered: Sep 2013
Topic Posts: 7

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