Topic: Were your WS and AP "committed"?
Member # 36976
| Posted: 12:44 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013|
I spoke to OW in the month after DDay. She said at the end of year two things started going downhill with my WH and she thought there might be "someone else." [there WAS someone else, stupid bitch! ME!] Anyway, I guess she was "hurt" because she thought he was "cheating on her" with someone Other Than Me. This seems so ridiculous!! How common is this? Did your WS and AP promise each other anything?
Posts: 596 | Registered: Sep 2012
Member # 33867
| Posted: 1:03 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013|
MOW was "cheating" on my WH with another man in the office. My WH was suspicious but she would deny and he was easily convinced. When he couldn't deny the truth any longer, he dumped her.
Did they promise each other anything? Would it even matter seeing as they were both liars?
ME: 54 BS
HIM: 60 WH
Married: 28 years
in R 3.5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
Posts: 2083 | Registered: Nov 2011
Member # 30143
| Posted: 1:22 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013|
I love how they get so upset to find out their love isn't real. I think it screws with their justification system. I mean, it's okay to cheat if it's real luurrrve right? Finding out your AP isn't faithful messes with that...
Yea, my husband and OW were engaged. That's a promise if I ever heard one. He says they talked about what they would do and what their lives would be like all the time - where they would live, etc. He just wrote me off as if I didn't matter.
Me (BW) (54), Him(SAWH) (57)
Married 21 years, 1 son (19), 1 stepdaughter (27)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R
Posts: 1425 | Registered: Nov 2010
Member # 36976
| Posted: 1:29 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013|
Yeah. Why don't WE count? I don't get that. I wouldn't want to share even a boyfriend with another woman, why would you want to share your love interest with a spouse/co-habitant? WH says that MOW's spouse just made her "safer". He claims he was never looking for any commitment from her but it was important to her. Maybe it made her feel like less of a tramp?
Posts: 596 | Registered: Sep 2012
Member # 19772
| Posted: 2:36 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013|
My WS and his AP totally promised themselves to each other. It was real junior high (based on emails I read, they even signed off with this corny acronym that basically translated to 'we are soulmate schmoopies' ). They're married now.
Posts: 14320 | Registered: Jun 2008
Member # 25743
| Posted: 2:45 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013|
No, there was no committment, beyond their pledges to meet up frequently.
Even though they knew they were only Friends With Benefits, they were serious about not missing their sex dates. The I love you's were added to up the ante of excitement for him. She said it to get more trinkets and gifts.
Posts: 456 | Registered: Oct 2009
Member # 34755
| Posted: 7:03 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013|
AP#2 was committed to my husband and was devastated when he "cheated" on her with AP#1. She lurved him and said they'd make pretty babies.
BS - Me
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12
Former 80s Icon wishful thinking
Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 32584
| Posted: 8:11 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013|
Yes, they talked about being sexually exclusive with each other. Actually, it was my WH who told her that he would not be interested if she had any other sexual partners.
BS: me - 37
WH: him - 37
DD: 11 mos
Married over 9 years, together for 18.
DD#1: 12/12/10 - LTA of 3 years, 2 mos.
DD#2: 02/02/11 - 2 EA/PA with coworkers, a month after the LTA was ended (by OW).
Posts: 321 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Ontario Canada
Member # 13447
| Posted: 8:52 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013|
xOw1 told me that he promised her a future. He says he didn't so who knows.
With xOw2, they looked at rings and discussed what it would be like when she was a stepmother to my kids.
I suppose it was all a part of the fantasy. I sure gave him the leeway after d-day to leave. I even offered him custody of the kids (did not intend to follow through) since he said I was using them to keep him.
"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*
❣I hope my issues don't discourage ur healing. I've buried a lot & my WH hasn't done his part in R❣
Posts: 10982 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Limbo
Member # 32258
| Posted: 8:58 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013|
Yeah my STBXW ws devastated to find out that her married AP coworker was sleeping with other people in the office. I still to this day don't understand how she didn't see that one coming. She actually thought they were being "faithful" to each other.
BH = Me
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
D hopefully official in 7/2014
Posts: 1806 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Member # 28362
| Posted: 8:58 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013|
Yes. They planned a new life with a Happy Ever After ending. I ruined that without even knowing about it. His morals caught up with him????
Posts: 828 | Registered: Apr 2010
Member # 39313
| Posted: 9:09 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013|
Only committed to keeping their secret after they ended their brief sexual relationship.
I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you
Posts: 359 | Registered: May 2013
♀ New Member
Member # 40533
| Posted: 9:19 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013|
Yes, enough that he was planning on moving to another country with her, with no real plan (of course, it would all just work out). Anyway, when I found the evidence of an affair in his journal, one of the things he wrote/pondered was "am I just a rebound?" You see, she had an affair with another coworker/friend just prior to him. Gross, gross, gross. But, WH thought he was special.
Me: 38 yo BW
Him: 40 yo WH
2 daughters (8, 5); married 15 yrs
DD: 6/2/13 (5 mo EA/PA with coworker)
Posts: 49 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 39667
| Posted: 9:34 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013|
Descriptions of this nature always make me laugh (not at YOU, Right Track -- but at the people involved in the affair). It just proves the point that people in an affair are completely selfish and can't see anything else except finding a way to get their own needs met. Also shows that they are living in a fog. They really are.
First, you are hearing the thoughts/perceptions of someone with their head so far up their ass. Someone who is dishonest with themselves and to others but expects honesty in return (from someone who is also being dishonest)? My SAWH told me that his AP made fun of him for being a married man who lived in the suburbs. HELLO? What does that say about her?
As far as promises they made, from what my SAWH has said and other evidence I have found, their relationship with based on fantasy. It was one big trip to a sexual Disneyland for both of them. Cozy dinners for two at the best restaurants, weekend getaways under the guise of "business trips." They may have made promises to each other but I did not see any evidence of there being any plan to carry through with any of the promises. I speculate that the OW (who was turning 30 and freaking out about the fact that she had just spent 2 + years in a relationship with a married man) was trying to get my H to leave me (she moved into a new place right by where he works around that time and texted him photos of how proud she was that she had organized a drawer for his toiletries he kept at her place) and he has admitted to me that he thought about it but he never had a plan (my H is not the planning type - never has been). Mostly from what I can tell there was just a lot of sexual talk and he saw her as an object (he totally objectified her and all women pretty much his entire life. Thank you, pornography!).
Yes they make promises to one another but the promises are rooted in lies and fantasy. So what is the value in them? Nothing.
BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"
Posts: 855 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 38619
| Posted: 9:43 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013|
What my fWH and the MOW had was MTL (more than love ). They had dreams of having a Brady Bunch-type life once they D'd their BS. They went as far as carrying pictures of each others' kids in their wallets. I guess they forgot that in Brady Bunch land, Mike and Cindy didn't destroy their individual families to become 'one big happy family'. My fWH cringes whenever we discuss this part of his A.
"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo
Posts: 374 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
Member # 30024
| Posted: 10:21 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013|
Not at all. They both went into it with a FWB's mentality. Or, at least that was my FWH's understanding. He told AP from the get go he wasn't leaving me. (Awww, isn't that special!)
However, AP thought its golden vagina was going to lure my FWH away from me. muahaha! Little did it know it was competing against my Platinum Vagina. It is pretty spectacular!
AP started calling my FWH the "Love of Its Life". AP got married to the MOM that it was caught cheating with in its first marriage. AP was living with the MOM when it started the affair with FWH. AP married MOM whilst having an affair with my FWH. AP fucked my FWH 3 weeks before its wedding and 3 weeks after the wedding. Told my FWH since it couldn't marry the "Love of Its Life" that it figured it would marry the guy it lived with. Marriage is so special to It.
BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
Posts: 9403 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Member # 38121
| Posted: 10:35 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013|
They should have been committed, alright - to some padded, delusional nuthouse, maybe.
I didn't stay with mine, but I DID make sure to purposely 'christen' every single room in his house with him, AND down at his newly opened business, AND his motorcycle seat as well - all before I left. Then I wrote up all the juicy details of each and every tryst for his pig to find and read all about.
I understand it didn't go over too well when Miss Piggy found the document I'd left for her (I knew she snoops in all his stuff when he's not there, so I left it for her to find).
Good times...good times.
Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.
Posts: 1542 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Member # 39858
| Posted: 11:01 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013|
My WH and his AP were ex-lovers from 20ish years ago, before he and I ever met.
After finding each other again via FB, he tells me she used to get angry with him when he would do something with me/our family.
Um. I'm his WIFE, bitch. And these are OUR children. Eff off.
But I digress...after I found out, she messaged me to say that he had proposed to her when they dated before.
He denies it, and I don't know if I'll ever know the truth (not that it matters), but apparently she thought they were more committed to one another than he did.
BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.
Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
Member # 26638
| Posted: 12:22 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013|
My STBXWH was "committed" to 5 of his OW and me all AT THE SAME TIME!!! Most men would find 1 woman a handful, but this POS was juggling 6 of us at the same time!
Fast forward to MOW #6 and only 1 month after Dday #3 and our separation...he "cheats" on her with his current GF. According to MOW#6 BS, she was "totally devastated that my STBXWH could do that to her". LMAO....wake-up bitch and feel the pain!
Dday #1: 9/2/2009
Dday #2: 11/15/2009
Dday #3: 2/3/2012
Divorce Finalized (Thank God!!): 5/6/2014
~ From my pain comes wisdom ~
Posts: 78 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: USA
Member # 40113
| Posted: 12:40 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013|
From the info that has come out in counseling, WW had a "verbal commitment" to be exclusive with the 2 LTAs she had. Within one year, she had already expanded her horizons by "cheating on OM#1" with OM#2 followed shortly thereafter by OM#3.
She had an unspoken "commitment" to OM#3 but didn't bother telling him that OM#1 was still in the picture. Then it gets even more complicated from there.
When OM#3 was unavailable to go out one night she apparently called up another guy (OM#4) to be her escort to courtside seats at a pro basketball game. Somewhere in the mix she managed to add OM#5.
Eventually, OM#1 and OM#3 found out about the other guys and got very upset with her for not being exclusive with them.
The way they found out......OM#1 and OM#3 had been LTA and were privileged to not require wearing condoms. They visited her in her apartment when I was away and found used condoms and also snooped on her computer to find emails from other men.
I asked my wife how it is that she managed to keep it secret from me all those years (8yrs total). She said that she was extra thorough with cleaning and covering her tracks whenever I came for a visit from my out of town work assignment. She uses this extra effort as proof of how much she loves me and wanted to avoid hurting me. Can you believe that?
Whenever I need a laugh, I think back on that and cant help but chuckle at the audacity of it all.
Posts: 59 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: New York City
|Topic Posts: 44|