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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: No R, looks like D.
Smokehouse
♂ Member
Member # 40203
Default  Posted: 1:49 AM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DDay #1 07/21/13, dday #2 08/15/13 discovery of a second phone.

Lots of arguing, lots of lies, thousands of text messages to OM in 4 previous months. OM is married, they had a brief A in 2005 prior to her and I. OM was married then too. But, nothing happened this time, no sexting no nothing, just friends. Bullshit!!!

We tried to R, she still treats me wonderful one minute and like shit the next. Won't go to MC or IC. Won't talk about the A. Says we are good. Nope!

Big fight after she said I was smothering her. Really lashed out at me just for sitting next to her and asking if I could see a funny picture on her Facebook page. I had seen the picture/cartoon before but I think it is funny and wanted to see it again. She said stop bothering me, you are smothering me! WTF!

I think she needs meds and some serious IC.


Posts: 147 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Ohio
vivere
♀ Member
Member # 34465
Default  Posted: 2:03 AM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A recent realisation for me too. Sorry you're being treated poorly, in some ways when I'm treated poorly it actually makes it easier for me to cope because It's a reminder of why I'm taking the road I am. Still, it hurts that this person who claims to love you can have such disregard for your feelings.

Lashing out and protecting her facebook page would have me wondering just what it was she didn't want me to see.


You are responsible for your own happiness :)

Posts: 314 | Registered: Jan 2012
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:05 AM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry but nothing in your post suggests even feigned remorse to me. I think you know this too.

It's is essential that our eyes open but damn, it is as painful as hell.

We've all been there - small comfort to you right now when you are in the eye of the storm.

When I was where you are now and bleeding out and feeling like I would die of heartbreak someone here said these words to me which gave me some comfort:

Sometime soon this won't be something that is happening, it will be something that has happened.

I never thought the pain would end but it did. I now see his complete lack of remorse as a gift. A painful gift and one I fought so hard to not accept but a gift nonetheless.

((Smokehouse))


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5428 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 4:46 AM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In her world, "R" means you forget about the A, never speak of it, suffer in silence, give her as much freedom as she wants, be there 100% when she wants you and go away when she doesn't.

She lives in a fantasy world.

I'm sorry, but there really is no other choice for you unless you want to be treated like second best and treated like an annoying fly for the rest of your M.

Let her go, my friend. Give her what she wants so that you can finally have some peace and begin to heal. You don't deserve this garbage and you will begin to realize this more and more as you start to detach from this madness.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2704 | Registered: Jan 2011
Smokehouse
♂ Member
Member # 40203
Default  Posted: 5:11 AM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is sad but true. It has been that way our whole marriage. She truly needs meds for her mood/anger problem.

How can she say she loves me then treat me bad. What kind of a person does this. I truly thought several days ago we were going in the right direction.

She apologized last night for hollering at me. I said you accused me of smothering you when all I wanted to see was the fucking cartoon. She said I only apologize for hollering, I still say you were smothering me.

I work nights and had just gotten up, hadn't seen her for 24 hrs, missed her, wanted to sit with her.

Very very sad. We have been texting back and forth this morning and she changed the smothering comment to, you can look at my Facebook account on your own. Like I said, it had seen the pic before, just thought it was funny. Didn't need a reaction like that. Seriously, what a bitch she is and pretty much always has been. Even my friends we interact with say she is mean to me.


Posts: 147 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Ohio
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 5:30 AM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm certainly no IC or professional on mental health, but you may want to read a bit on borderline personalities. My understanding is that they have a keen ability to pull people in and then, just when you think you are getting closer, they push you away, hard It's a cycle that becomes normal to you.

Take a look and see if she fits within the descriptions.

Regardless, I would suggest IC for you. It takes time, work and help to untangle ourselves from these kinds of people.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2704 | Registered: Jan 2011
Thefly559
♂ Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 6:07 AM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

People do and say crazy things when they are mid affair and torn between two people. My stbxww did the same we would be sitting down in our office at home and I would ask for the stapler and she would say " leave me alone you are a pain in the ass , I hate working near you , can't you see I am busy? " all I did was say can you hand me the stapler. This was before I knew of her affair. Needless to say I am now in the middle of divorce. I do not wish this for anyone and I hope and pray that you can reconcile . But not at the price of your self respect. Good luck and I feel you brother


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 610 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
Smokehouse
♂ Member
Member # 40203
Default  Posted: 7:18 AM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks suckstobeme. I looked at that years ago when she started changing. This was after she knew I was madly in love with her of course.

She displays classic symptoms of borderline personality disorder. Fear of deep commitment, pushes me away when we get close, then begs for me not to leave. Mood swings, depression, tired all the time, and sometimes can't sleep at all.


Posts: 147 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Ohio
Topic Posts: 8

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