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Newest Member: whathappensnext (45075)

Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: When is enough question for WS
Joanh
♀ Member
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

or BS opinion on when is enough for a ws., When do you or have made the decision when is enough.
What is your deciding factor or was your deciding factor to say no more, time to leave.
I know I am to early into the reconcililiation. Just wondering. I am not going anywhere. Just curious


BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....

Posts: 435 | Registered: Apr 2013
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Joanh...

For me personally, I feel that until the BS is satisfied with the answers, but until then I feel it's up to the WS to be patient and understanding. Even if you're answering the same question over and over again.

My advise is to keep a notebook that you and your H sign off on with each question he's satisfied with. time and date stamp it so you both have a reference point.

I know it can be frustrating but really, you as the WS owe it to him


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197970 | Registered: May 2002
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Joanh - are you asking for the point at which other WS decided they were done trying for R and left the M?


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25530 | Registered: Aug 2011
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When "what" is enough? That can entail a lot of stuff. His questions? His anger? His silence? What?

I don't think we "owe" our BS everything, it depends on what they are asking and doing.

[This message edited by tired girl at 11:30 AM, September 30th (Monday)]


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 4975 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
heartache101
♀ Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you have to answer all questions as many times as needed for your BS. It is compassion. Yes albeit irriating to answer the same question a zillion times. But remember YOU put the BS in that position of doubt and insecurity. It is your job and should be your desire to build your BS back up.
Does that help you?
Good luck.


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3188 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
SoVerySadNow
♀ Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with DS and Heartache. Except the part about signing off that a question is fully answered. Things come up, new information comes to light or is remembered. I don't want my WH to remember something that would help my healing but figure "oh, well, we signed off and the boat has sailed on that one".
WH destroyed things, and I am trying to regain faith and balance by filling in with truth. I may need to ask a question a million times. If our marriage isn't worth that then I guess that's the answer in my case.
I have found some questions answered enough to satisfy me, and I don't bring them up any more.

When is enough, enough? If it's "done", I think that gradually evolves into a quiet, deep-felt feeling. I think you just "know" that apart would be better than together. I also know that for me, the first year would have been too early to know one way or the other.
I don't even know for sure now.
I wish you all the best in your marriage.


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Joanh
♀ Member
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess need to clarify. Not really about questions. Never gotten that. And he has no interest in doing that. When did you as a WS decide it's doing more harm than good staying. When you are the trigger to the bs anger and they your trigger for depression and feeling of umworthiness


BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....

Posts: 435 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 7

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