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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: changes in my thinking
Alyssamd24
♀ Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Though this story isn't related to my A or infidelity, it illustrates how I am starting to change my behaviors and thought process so I wanted to share.

My DD is 4 and often plays outside with the little girl who lives across the street...if you ask my DD she will tell you the other little girl is her best friend.

For the last week the little girl has not wanted to play with my DD...she runs inside when we come outside and will tell my DD she doesn't want to play. Her parents have also been very cold towards my BH and I and have not been talking to us. Yesterday my DD continuously asked the little girl to play and was told no. My DD began to cry and we came inside.

I then went and approached the parents of the other girl and asked if something had happened. The mother immediately responded and mentioned a day last week when my DD was not playing nicely with her daughter and said my DD "dragged her daughter across the street by her bike helmet and slammed her face into the car."

The mother then said that I did nothing to stop my DD and her daughter doesn't want to play with mine cuz my DD is always mean to her and she isn't going to make her play with my daughter.

For the record, it wasn't nearly as aggressive as what the other mother made it out to be. She was definitely over exagerating. I did tell my DD to stop, but perhaps I should have done more. I didn't think it was as serious as the other mother made it out to be...but I still apologized to the mother for my DD actions and also for not stepping in more. I also said I hope the girls can still play together in the future.

I then explained to my DD that I had talked to the other little girls mother and told her she was sad that my DD was not nice to her and hurt her feelings. I had my DD make a card for the little girl, apologizing for hurting her, and then had her bring it to the little girl.

Now this is where my behaviors and thought processes are beginning to change. Had this happened a few months ago, my reaction would have been much different. I would have argued with the mother and told her that I thought she was over reacting and being ridiculous and it probably would have turned into a bigger issue.

But the "New Alyssa" swallowed my pride, and tried to look at it from her point of view. I do understand why she was upset and where she was coming from, to a certain extent. Although I still disagree, I think I handled it in a much more appropriate way. I listened to her side of the story and had my DD apologize for what she had done, and also apologized for what I hadn't done.


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 881 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
knightsbff
♀ Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good job mom! IMO you handled this in the best way possible. You used it as an opportunity to teach your daughter several things. Way to go! It feels good to notice these positive changes.


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

I edit often because I make a lot of typos. ☺️


Posts: 1503 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
Alyssamd24
♀ Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. Unforunately the outcome wasn't what I was hoping for...but I am still trying to stick with my new thought process....it is proving difficult though cuz the Mama Tiger in me is getting very irritated!!!


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 881 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
heartbroken0903
♀ Member
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you handled it well, and I also think that even if the outcome wasn't what you were hoping for, that could be a great early lesson for your DD (and in fact one for you too) that not everybody is going to like us, and that even a well-intentioned apology might not bring things back to the way they were before. I wish I'd learned more of those types of life lessons at your DD's age.


Me: XWS, 30s, 5-month EA/PA in '09-'10
Husband: XBS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

Remarried.


Posts: 2251 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
Alyssamd24
♀ Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do think I handled it well..and it is a good lesson for my DD but I hate that she has to learn it when she IS so young.

This afternoon when we went outside the other girl again didn't play w my DD but instead hid behind a tree like my DD is a big mean bully. And the thing that hurts the most is that her parents don't even acknowledge my DD now....what kind of a person gives a 4 year old the silent treatment??

I told my DD that I was proud of her...that even though she made her friend sad and did something she shouldn't have, she did the right thing by saying she was sorry. And now there is nothing more she can really do.


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 881 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
Alyssamd24
♀ Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Speaking of learning lessons though I will say it's interesting the lesson her parents are teaching her now....if someone does something to you you don't like than hide from that person and avoid conflict rather than face it
....

Sorry I had to add that....I'm angry!


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 881 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 6

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