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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: this stuff runs deep
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 6:37 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

anyone else find that wayward stuff permeates other parts of your life?
I was cleaning out my closet the other day and was floored, guiltridden and saddened by the amount of clothing I have. Seriously, how much does one person need? How much money needs to be thrown to the wind so I can get my little high of having all this shit. Or wearing it. Once.
I sat on the floor and cried, it was like a mountainous monument of the fact that I need to grow up.
Sure I could give it away and feel better but WTF? Why do I have it in the first place... the reasons are not good. not good at all...
But a place to start looking, I guess.


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

The conditions we face do not define us. They remind us of who we are and who we want to be.


Posts: 5261 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
heartbroken0903
♀ Member
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My job is blue-collar and requires a uniform. I own far more clothes than I'd ever hope to use during my 1 1/2 days off per week.

I've never thought of it in connection with wayward processes before. I do know that I can use shopping and acquiring as a means to feel better about things. I always figured as long as I also save and pay my bills, it's all good. But there probably are more valuable things I could do with my time and money.

[This message edited by heartbroken0903 at 9:40 AM, September 30th (Monday)]


Me: XWS, 30s, 5-month EA/PA in '09-'10
Husband: XBS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

Remarried.


Posts: 2227 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

rachelc,

Do you remember a post that UO did quite awhile back about our wayward thought processes applying to way more than just infidelity?


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5068 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

that rings a bell, TG... it just shows up in places I didn't really consider before...
makes you think that you need to take a look at EVERYTHING...


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

The conditions we face do not define us. They remind us of who we are and who we want to be.


Posts: 5261 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
wert
♂ Member
Member # 34478
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know at some point I stopped caring so much about my W's A and infidelity and more just about her own messed up internal dialog and coping skills. It was an empathy thing I think coming from a BS, but I think it is relevant here...

Rachelc - you have been at this stuff long enough where IMO you need to work on stepping back from your A and look more closely at how YOU operate. This journey is about a healthy you, not about your A. IMO for a WS A's are just the symptom...That was pretty hard to accept at a BS, but I think that is the heart of the matter....

take care...



Posts: 1428 | Registered: Jan 2012
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

look more closely at how YOU operate

This, I started getting healthy the minute I told HL I was putting fixing me on the front burner because until that happened nothing else was going to work.


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5068 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

look more closely at how YOU operate.

well, I think that's what I'm doing, from my post.. looking at other ways I get my highs, and realizing that some of those things are screwed up..


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

The conditions we face do not define us. They remind us of who we are and who we want to be.


Posts: 5261 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
outtamymind
♂ Member
Member # 33607
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad you posted this because I have realized thru this site that my coping skills have always been awful. I put so much pressure on myself to be the bread winner and making sure my family was taken care of that I acted out as a way of coping. Throughout my career, I have always felt I was in way over my head, and basically was just applying the "fake it till you make it" philosophy.

As a kid, I used to suffer from frequent panic attacks. I had a hard time dealing with stress. I still do. I can't seem to face it head on.

As a result, I coped over the years by drinking, going to way too many concerts, cheating, immersing myself in sports, spending too much money.

I could go on and on.

Thanks for reminding me to keep myself in check and face my problems, handle stress in a better way, and be mindful of how this behavior got me in trouble in the first place.


Me: FWS 45

Divorced


Posts: 323 | Registered: Oct 2011
MissesJai
♀ Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can absolutely relate - in so many ways.
looking at other ways I get my highs, and realizing that some of those things are screwed up.
Yep - but they can all be fixed.


FWW - 41
"Don't think first about the risks of speaking up. Think first about the risks of not speaking up." ~ Kerry Patterson

Posts: 5975 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
Topic Posts: 9

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